Many (young) families are faced with this dilemma at some point and the question is, do we try again or do we split up? Many people choose the latter, but recent studies show that it can be done differently and can have a good impact on the relationship. A group of people have been followed for a longer period of time in their journey around marriage, divorce (or not), remarriage, etc.
Marriage and divorce
Of course, everyone who chooses to get married has the image in mind that it will be forever. You start a new adventure with your love and think and expect to go through it together. Fortunately, in many marriages things are still going well, but as we know, about one in three marriages goes wrong. The question then is whether a certain percentage of that 33% could not still be saved?
Whether or not to continue the relationship
A number of people in the group that tried despite problems, routine or other interests were closely monitored. Some of them now have a good relationship again (the original one) and according to themselves, the relationship is better than ever. People indicate that the point is that they have really made an effort to get to know each other more (with all the pluses and minuses), to make time and to consciously work on the relationship.
This is not to say that every relationship can be bonded, but the intensity that the people who are really going to try again will yield more if things eventually work out. At least that is the personal experience of the couples who have been followed for a longer period.
Materially it is disappointing…
It may not sound entirely pure, but the material part of marriage is often a bottleneck, especially when children are involved. In addition to having to incur new costs, all kinds of costs will be duplicated. Just think about the home and livelihood. And considering that most people have difficulty when they have to give up material things, life doesn’t get any happier.
Happier?
The group of people who were followed also showed that divorce is not THE solution to the problem and that people do not really become happier. No fewer than 63% of divorced people did not really feel better, even after a longer period of time. The group of 63% also included people who had already remarried, and here more than half were not really happier.
Children
In most couples, children were involved and that only makes it more difficult. Because children are tossed back and forth and only 15% of divorced couples have managed to let the child grow up in harmony. Without recriminations on both sides, which unfortunately often goes through the child.
This implies that the majority of children experience it to a greater or lesser extent and that is not good. More than 93% of children indicated that they felt bad that their parents had split up and even without a fight, sometimes living in two houses and receiving multiple gifts and holidays, children still felt bad about it. The scary has gone beyond the fact that the two people they loved and love could no longer live together. For example, people also indicated that they did not see the parents happier individually either. The group that has been spoken to several times for this concerns children aged 10 and over.
Continue with the relationship
Of those who stayed together despite the fact that the relationship was not going well and they were on the verge of divorce, almost 70% appear to be happy again. Several low points, during which people each time thought that things could not get any worse and they had now decided to go ahead with the divorce, resulted in such an upturn that hope remained. This subsequently resulted in a pleasant relationship with the largest group.
People have made an effort to understand each other, to respect each other as they are and to give each other space. In particular, the confidence that both partners have at least made a real effort generated goodwill.
Ease of divorce
The ease of divorce and only wanting to go for the immediately perfect relationship means that people quickly turn to the judge to have the marriage dissolved. People indicate that working on a relationship is not desirable, at least that was evident from the vast majority of divorced couples (it has to be perfect right away and otherwise not). With the ease of divorce, it is a logical next step. Both for couples with and without children. It was striking that the majority of couples were married for 5 years or less (83%).
Finally
Exceptions confirm the rule and fortunately there are also people who are not so quick to divorce and work on the relationship. Things turn out well for some, while others unfortunately end up getting divorced.