The eldest child occupies a special place in the family. Nature and nurture determine who we are and what we do in life, but the child’s place in the family also influences his character. In fact, according to CBS, eldest children have a higher IQ. This is said to have to do with all the attention and stimulation that an eldest child receives from his parents. Oldest children are ambitious, obedient, conservative and have a great sense of responsibility. The fact that they are also perfectionists means that they can experience stress more often. An eldest child will often do well at school and feel responsible for the other brothers and sisters in the family, even if they are already adults.
The place in the family
Biological characteristics, environment and upbringing determine who we are and what we will do in life. We call this nature (heredity) and nurture (learned behavior). The place of the child in a family also has a great influence on his character, this applies to the eldest child who is born first and also to the next child who is born when the family is already complete.
Smarter than the rest?
Your place in the family not only affects your personality and motivation but even your IQ: the eldest child scores 2.3 IQ points higher than the second child, the second child 2.3 points higher than the third child, and so on. Research by Statistics Netherlands from 2013 showed that parents enjoy the most during the pregnancy and birth of the eldest child. According to researchers Enthoven and Schuitemaker, this could also explain the fact that the first child receives the most attention and stimulation, and expectations are high.
Characteristics of eldest children
Although every (family) situation is different, there are certain characteristics that the English clinical psychologist Blair and the Dutch researchers Enthoven and Schuitemaker independently encounter in eldest children:
- Oldest children appear to be more dependent on the approval of other people, especially people in important positions
- they are generally obedient and conservative citizens who are not likely to take risks
- they like to take charge
- they are usually ambitious students
- are more orderly than average
- are more likely than other brothers and sisters to have a great sense of responsibility
- are generally caring and empathetic
- are often critical of their own actions; not tolerant when they have made mistakes
- they may experience more stress and will seek (psychological) help more often
Elders usually have language skills and often interact with people older than themselves. This has everything to do with the fact that, as the first child in the family, they came into relatively more contact with adults and had less contact with peers. Oldest children attach above average importance to good cooperation with people in important positions and will try to accept existing agreements. If these agreements do not match their views, they will adjust the agreements and not challenge the rules. Elders usually feel very responsible, which often puts them in leadership positions. In most cases, they demand a lot from themselves and appear to be very critical when it comes to their own performance.
Partner choice
It goes without saying that intimacy, trust and security are important ingredients in a relationship, although not one relationship is the same. Still, it’s fun to see whether birth position influences a happy relationship. Clinical psychologist Linda Blair says the following about it:
An eldest child with an youngest child could be a good combination, the eldest child will be the one in the relationship who can organize well and also enjoys taking care of the other. The youngest, on the other hand, is usually the one who finds organization less important and is used to having everything taken care of for him.
The eldest child with the eldest child can be difficult; if no one wants to take a step back, conflicts lurk. However, if both have the intention to respect each other’s qualities and are aware of the pitfalls, this combination can work.
Oldest child with middle child, on the other hand, could work well, the middle child is used to the older brother or sister taking the lead from an early age and they will usually conform to the other’s wishes. The condition is that the eldest child takes his partner into account and does not completely overwhelm him.
Career
Research from 2014 by researchers Lehmann (University of Houston), Nuevo-Chiquero (University of Sheffield) and Vidal-Fernandez (University of New South Wales & IZA) shows that with the first child, parents experience things that they had not previously experienced. confronted. A first child usually gets all the attention (there are no other children who need attention) and because everything is still new and unknown, the parents want to do as best as possible, according to Enthoven and Schuitemaker.
Family therapist Van den Eerenbeemt comes to the conclusion in ,The Love Ladder, that new parents use their own upbringing as a guideline in raising their first child.
Because of all that attention and encouragement, the eldest child generally has faith in his own abilities, is obedient, feels responsible for his environment and sets a good example for his brothers or sisters. In addition, the eldest often wants to do everything perfectly and feels the urge to perform. All factors to be a good leader.
Source: Jerrykimbrell10, Pixabay
Which jobs suit the eldest child? Taking
responsibility suits the eldest child just fine, provided he does not take on too much. A burnout can cause the eldest child to consider himself a failure. Depending on a person’s talent, there are jobs that seem very suitable for the eldest child to pursue, and it will come as no surprise that the eldest child will find great satisfaction in teaching or caring for the other. Blair, as well as researchers Enthoven and Schuitemaker, are therefore of the opinion that education or health care are choices that seem to suit the oldest. If the eldest child finds it important to exercise power, he may prefer a job in politics or becoming a businessman/businesswoman. Owning your own business could also be a good choice.
The advantages and disadvantages of the eldest child according to Schuitemaker and Enthoven
The position of eldest child has nice and less nice sides
Advantages
- everything the eldest child does (studying, relationships, first job) is new to the parents and therefore interesting
- no hand-me-down clothes from older brothers and sisters or other used items, in many cases the eldest gets everything new
- the eldest child is generally very caring, having learned this early on when it comes to looking after brothers and sisters
- because in most cases it received a lot of attention and the child was talked to a lot, the eldest will be more sensitive to language than the other brothers and sisters, and the child will probably do well at school
Cons
- the eldest must clear the way; What time should you get home after going out or on holiday with friends for the first time?
- A lot is usually expected of an eldest child, as a child he will do his best to please the parents. That can feel like pressure
- in arguments with brothers and sisters, the eldest is expected to be the wisest
What do the oldest children think about it?
Research by Schuitemaker and Enthoven showed that not all eldest people liked being saddled with brothers and sisters or that they always had to be the wisest one in arguments. The fact that the siblings after them were given much more freedom is also not appreciated, or that the attention of the parents suddenly had to be divided when number two was born.
But elders are caring and feel responsible for the well-being of the other brothers and sisters they like to mother. This remains the case even if the same brothers and sisters have long since grown up and left the parental home.
Difference boys and girls
Are there any differences if the eldest is a boy or a girl? At first glance you would say that the differences are not very big. Yet Schuitemaker and Enthoven say that if the eldest child is a boy, he is much more likely to show that he is not happy with the arrival of number two, while girls are more likely to remain silent about their feelings. If the eldest girl has a caring character, she will also help out in the family more often, possibly because different things are expected of a girl than of a boy. Even later, when one’s own parents need help, the eldest daughter in the family (does not necessarily have to be the eldest child) will be more likely to help than her brothers. Research from the University of Essex from 2014 showed that eldest daughters have more ambition than eldest sons to get the best out of themselves.