Coming out is the commonly used word for ,coming out of the closet,, many young people but also older people have daily problems with coming out. When should I do it, how should I do it, where should I do it and what will other people think about it…? Homosexuality is a much discussed word in our so-called ,modern, society. Everyone in the Netherlands has an opinion about everything and that is how a democracy should be, but to say that the Netherlands really accepts homosexuality? NOT REALLY!
Homosexuality in the Netherlands
If you walk down the street as a lesbian or gay couple anywhere in the Netherlands, at least 50% will look at you. Children who say: Mom, Mom, look, those are two boys walking hand in hand or elderly people who look at you as if you are crazy. The Netherlands does not accept homosexuality, at least not everyone. And that is not what many men and women who are still ,in the closet, can use when coming out.
8% of Dutch people are gay, lesbian, transsexual or bi, this percentage is only based on people who have already come out of the closet. There is also a large percentage who are in the closet, people who do not dare to come out and people who cannot come out because of religion or situation. Many people have had feelings for people of the same sex, consciously but often unconsciously. And many people don’t know what to do with these feelings, coming out is and always will be difficult.
What should I do with my feelings?
Is it a person who gives you these feelings? Is it a feeling you think you get from seeing other homosexuals?
Or is it a completely different, indescribable feeling? This is possible. Everything is possible, everyone knows that. You can meet someone of your own gender and think: WOW, he is handsome, nice, etc. But you can also ,just, have the feelings. Homosexuality is what people call ,innate,, they say it is that way when you are born and it will never go away.
How am I going to express my feelings?
Friends are a great support in a period like this, you have someone you can tell your story to and someone who may be able to help you. This way you can also share your story and feelings and that may be one less burden.
Parents
Once you expressed your feelings to your friends, now your parents. Parents are the people who are central and important in your life, and you also want to be able to come to your parents’ home with your partner later and have a nice time. Yet it is not always easy for everyone, they say that parents supposedly always know everything, but this is really not the case. And even if they did know, they often don’t show it and let you do the talking. How you are going to tell your parents, and whether you are going to do it, is completely up to you. Do you do it personally or perhaps in a letter? Do you do it alone or with perhaps your crush? There are so many options, but you have to do what you feel most comfortable with. Do you not feel comfortable telling your parents this way, but would it be better to perhaps include a letter to read it aloud? Then you must do that. How your parents will react is not something you can know in advance. Hopefully and often it is positive and fun, and maybe it is not a spontaneous nice reaction, but your parents have to let it sink in for a while.
Out of the closet
Finally out of the closet, what now? Your friends know it, your parents know it, should you tell more people? That’s up to you, if you want everyone to hear it personally from you, you can tell them, but if you think it’s good and you’re proud of yourself for having achieved this, then that’s fine too. Because if you have achieved this, you can certainly give yourself a pat on the back because it is not just anything. At least not for most people who are/were in this situation.