You have a relationship together, so it is logical that you do things together and discuss topics. But what if your husband or boyfriend has contact with his ex, cheats, spends money that is not there or does not want to take care of the children? Then you take action. Because allowing it gives your partner the opportunity to make the mistake again.
Men often make mistakes again
Men are more likely to make a mistake again. If a man can easily get away with bad behavior over and over again, this has consequences for the further relationship. It can mean the end of the relationship but also a negative relationship. How often do men cheat? Actually just a little more often than women, because they can do something about it these days. But if a man cheats and his wife forgives him quite quickly, the man gets away with it. The result? The man tends to cheat again more quickly. This obviously does not apply to all men, but the majority do feel this way. It is just like with children and animals: when they notice that wrong behavior is not punished, the chance of recurrence is greater. Especially when the wrong behavior results in something pleasant. Actually no strange behavior at all. It’s part of surviving. However, certain behavior is less easily tolerated within a relationship these days.
Your husband or boyfriend is in contact with his ex
That always remains a tricky subject: your boyfriend or husband is in contact with his ex. Do you allow this or should you prohibit it? It is important to never forbid him from talking to his ex. In some cases this is even necessary. For example, if they have children together. Then contact between the ex-partners is important. It often also depends on the type of contact. Conversations about the children or (domestic) animals that they have cared for together are permitted. Talking about shaving your pubic hair isn’t really something to discuss with your ex. When your boyfriend or husband has added his ex on Facebook or is in contact via Twitter or any other social media, this is of course not always fun. Do they mainly talk about practical or business matters? Then let your partner have a nice chat with his ex. Does your partner spend hours at the computer typing frantically and laughing with and about his ex? Then it’s time to have a conversation with him. Tell him you don’t like this. Feel free to ask him how he would feel if you suddenly spent hours chatting with your ex and no longer paid attention to him. Your boyfriend or husband probably hasn’t thought about this at all. He is now forced to think about it. Let him answer this too. Does he nevertheless continue with the intimate and fun contact with his ex? Then you have to think for yourself whether you can accept this any longer. If you simply forgive him and leave it at that, there is a good chance that your relationship will get into deeper trouble.
He’s spending a lot of money while you’re struggling to make ends meet
It becomes more difficult every year to make ends meet on your salary. At least for most of us it is. Prices rise while wages remain virtually the same. In response to this, we must also be increasingly economical with our money. But what do you do when your partner keeps spending money and you can barely pay the bills? Discuss this with him! In most cases he is not aware that he is spending more than he is earning. Especially if he has an expensive hobby, the money can sometimes go through faster than he thinks. Then place the papers openly on the table. Show what comes in monthly and what the fixed costs are. However, don’t take away his hobby or fun completely. Agree together on an amount that he can and may spend on himself every month. Evaluate together in the meantime whether the amount is still possible. Sometimes you will earn more or less and the amount can or must be adjusted. Does he not keep to the agreements? Don’t accept this. You live together and run a joint household. If he does not want to cooperate, there will be consequences. Then take those consequences, unless you want to be stuck with the debts. Keep it honest: what applies to him also applies to you. Only spend money if there is room for it.
Your partner only comes to cut the meat on Sundays
This expression comes from an information video from the central government. It used to be very normal for children to only see their dad on Sundays. Mother stayed at home and father worked hard. But that is outdated these days. Women work just as hard as men and the tasks within the household and raising the children are divided as equally as possible. Also make agreements about this in a timely manner. Who takes the children to school and who puts them to bed? In most families these agreements go smoothly. But what if he doesn’t keep to the agreements and just does his own thing without looking after the children? The more often you take tasks off his hands, the more often he will leave everything to you. Therefore, make this subject open for discussion. Not every man will want to understand it. It is often not recognized what is going wrong. Sometimes it is much clearer to let him help out in the household for a week. Let him take care of the children and support him from the sidelines. After a week, most men have much more respect for what many women do alone and it will be much easier for him to resume his old tasks. However, do you let it run its course and take over his duties yourself? Then the way back becomes increasingly difficult.