Everyone will sometimes find themselves in a situation where others have to be disappointed. A recruiter will regularly have to reject applicants. A teacher will regularly have to give failing grades. Or if, after a few dates, you come to the conclusion that a relationship is not going to happen, you will have to make that known to your date. We will all experience this at some point in life, and unfortunately we cannot avoid it. However, the way you deliver the bad message can make the difference.
What is a disappointment?
Disappointment is the state of mind one feels when certain expectations are not met or when one realizes that the hope for a certain outcome was in vain. Disappointment is actually the opposite of good luck. With luck, someone still got a certain result, even though they no longer expected it. Disappointments are often more drastic than happiness. Most people will therefore be able to remember disappointments better than their happiness.
Some tips for delivering a bad message
It’s never fun to disappoint someone. The following tips will make it easier.
Give the bad message straight away
Some people wait to tell the bad news. There is not always malicious intent behind this. It is of course good to think about the way you are going to tell the message. You ideally want that person to have a soft landing. But don’t keep someone waiting unnecessarily. That can come across as antisocial or rude.
Show empathy
Everyone sometimes finds themselves in a situation where they have to be disappointed and that is not fun, especially if the message is delivered in a blunt manner. That is why it is important to show understanding. For example, say: I can imagine that this is not the message you were hoping for. By showing empathy, the disappointed person will feel understood more quickly and will be able to accept the bad message more quickly.
Emphasize the things that are possible or the things that are going well
The negative charge of disappointment can be softened if the person knows that he can also achieve his goal in another way. The HR employee could make the rejected candidate happy by pointing out other open vacancies. The disappointment of failing a test will disappear like snow in the sun if the student gets a resit.
The teacher in the latter example could then say to his student: You did a lot of things well, but unfortunately it wasn’t good enough this time. You will definitely get a passing grade on the resit. This message will give the student a very different feeling than if the teacher just says: It wasn’t good enough.
Provide constructive feedback and tips to improve
It doesn’t benefit anyone to be rejected without knowing why. A naked rejection will usually raise questions. Therefore, give tips and feedback so that the person can do better next time.
Be clear, but avoid discussions
People who are disappointed will not always understand or want to accept this. Sometimes they had hoped so much for a good outcome that they had not taken any other scenario into account at all. They then make statements like:
- ,Why me?,
- “But other candidates were less qualified.”
- “I really felt like we had a good connection”
- “Have you looked at this carefully?”
It is not wrong to answer questions or to clarify something, but do not argue . You’ve made your decision. Done is done.
Put it on paper if necessary
If you have difficulty expressing yourself, or if you think that you cannot convey the message properly due to nerves, it is sometimes better to send a letter or email. This prevents you from getting stuck. But don’t put someone off with just a short email. Offer to explain things in more detail in a conversation.
Last but not least: Be honest
That actually speaks for itself. It doesn’t benefit anyone to receive incorrect feedback.
What if someone gets angry or emotional?
Unfortunately, it also happens that people get angry or emotional because of disappointment. Sometimes the conversation can take an unpleasant turn, even for the person who has to tell the bad news. In that case, it is important to remain calm, end the conversation and continue it at a time when the emotions have calmed down.
Learning to disappoint better is also learning to accept better
If you know how to disappoint others, you will understand how difficult it can be sometimes. With this knowledge, you will also learn to accept and process disappointments better.