Aggressive men beating their wives is a problem of all times, cultures, walks of life. Not every woman has the mental strength or financial resources to run and leave that abusive partner. Call the Domestic Violence Support Center’s helpline 0800-2000 if you want help or advice. In acute situations, call the police via 112.
Alarming figures
Domestic violence is unfortunately common. One in three women experiences physical, psychological or verbal violence from a boyfriend or husband. Violence behind the front door is a global problem and occurs across all walks of life and cultures. Since many cases of domestic violence go unreported, the actual number of incidents is much more serious than the figures indicate.
Risk factors
Many violent men were raised in a family where aggression towards women occurred regularly and therefore think that physical violence is acceptable and normal. If, as a child, you regularly witness your mother being beaten by your aggressive father, the idea may arise that it is normal for a man to beat up his wife or girlfriend. You are at risk of violence if you
recognize one or more of the following situations in your partner :
- He is easily jealous, treats you like his property and is the boss.
- If he always wants to know where you are and what you are doing.
- Criticizes your acquaintances or forbids contact with others.
- Doesn’t want you to take courses or have a job.
- Can be charming, compelling and dismissive.
- Used a lot of alcohol or drugs.
Why woman doesn’t leave
Not every woman decides to leave her partner or go to a shelter. The question is why some women do not take this step and continue living with their abusive spouse or boyfriend. A frequently heard reason is the fear of even more serious forms of violence and abuse. Some men have even threatened to kill their girlfriends/wives if they dare to escape. A number of men have indeed done that.
Other women hesitate to leave because of the fear that family and friends will turn against them. For example, because they will not believe how serious the situation is. Family, neighbors and friends often cannot believe that such an apparently good and sympathetic man is actually mean and evil. Frequent perpetrators of domestic violence know how to keep up appearances in the presence of others. But once they are without witnesses they can become aggressive.
Other reasons why some women cannot take the step to find a safer place for themselves and the children:
- Mothers want their children to grow up with both parents.
- They are afraid that they will not be financially able to support themselves and their children.
- They wrongly believe that they are to blame for the violence and neglect.
- They are ashamed that they are being mistreated by the wretch with whom they once started living with of their own free will.
- They have the vain hope that the situation might improve.
- They feel insufficiently supported by, for example, the police and other organizations.
Help with (suspected) domestic violence
If you are a victim of domestic violence, you can seek help from the Domestic Violence Support Center. If you are a witness or perpetrator, you can also call for help and advice.
Call 0800 – 2000 and you will be put in touch with the nearest support center in your area. If you are in immediate danger , call 112. The support center will give you advice and information and can refer you to a care provider. If the situation at home is violent, the support center can also provide shelter. If there are children, they can also go to the shelter. The perpetrator can also receive a restraining order.
When it comes to (temporary) shelter, the Salvation Army often knows how to find a place to sleep.