The middle child has a special position in the family. Is it an easy place? How do middle children behave and is this noticed by parents?
Your place in the family
You have the place you have in your family. You are the oldest, the youngest, the middle one, it is a place you occupy, but whatever place you occupy, it colors your existence. An eldest child, who makes his parents father and mother, is a special child. All eyes are on him or her. All attention goes to him or her. It is often the child who can be aggrieved later, because he or she feels that he/she receives too little attention. It also turns out to be the child who feels most responsible. The child who has to pave the way for brothers and sisters. The youngest child is sometimes unconsciously kept small. After all, it is the last one that parents can enjoy. Young children often need to be cared for for a long time. It turns out that they take on few responsibilities later on. A lot is taken out of their hands.
And what about the middle child?
You almost never do anything first or last. A frustrating position for many children. Undivided attention from parents is something middle children often lack. A middle child looks up to the tallest and often feels dethroned when a baby is born beneath him or her. Middle children are often unconsciously concerned with the question: ‘How can I become as good as my eldest brother/sister and as cute as the one below me?’ It is clear that these are unconscious life questions.
Exceptions
If there is a girl between two boys, or a boy between two girls, then it is a special position that the middle one occupies. In fact, it can lead to an enviable position for the other two children. Being uniquely different draws attention to the middle one and that is of course very much appreciated.
What behavior does a middle child show to seek attention?
Attention is a basic need of a child. He or she develops his or her self-image, i.e. self-experience, through the parents. Unfortunately, when there are deficiencies, a child does not raise his hand and say: ‘I need attention from mom and dad, otherwise I won’t be doing well’. No, a child expresses that through behavior. This can be done in many ways. Many children become busy, bossy, have tantrums, shout or constantly argue with brothers or sisters. It will drive you crazy and you may shout, ‘Stop that!’ Until you realize that your child wants to make something clear to you, namely: see me!
Visible
Much of it depends on making the middle child visible. This can be done simply by taking that child separately when doing chores and shopping. By consciously doing something with this child. You, as it were, single him out. The youngest and oldest children really don’t lack anything, they do get their attention. This of course applies to both the father and the mother. This can be done at home by giving this child a task alongside you when cooking. What you consciously show is: I want you! And that is exactly what this child needs.
Pull back
Sometimes a middle child withdraws, becomes invisible, as it were. This can be a matter of character, but it also happens that a child learns to be in the shadows. It lets the oldest and youngest do their thing and keeps itself in the background.
Then it will be difficult later to profile yourself at the right time. It becomes an attitude.
Parenting is a job
Parenting is quite a job. Your actions have consequences for your child’s development. This can make you afraid or anxious, but you can also accept the challenge of taking a closer look at your family. What are our priorities? Are all our children visible? What can we do not to praise our child unsolicited, but to simply give sincere attention and thus take into account his qualities, but also his pitfalls? And to guide them.
Children naturally give the best of themselves
Aletha Solter, a developmental psychologist who studied the emotional development of children, discovered in her observations that children want to give the best of themselves. Naturally. It requires parents to take that as a starting point and to join in. And then to realize that in the case of a middle child, that requires extra attention. This way you also give this child the right place.