Couples therapy is still seen as relatively new and many are skeptical about its effectiveness. Many people end a relationship prematurely, whether married or not, but the group of people who are still trying is also growing. Sometimes prompted by the situation regarding housing, financial resources, etc. and sometimes motivated to really see whether you can still make something of your relationship. It is sometimes said that people nowadays break up too quickly and no longer want to put in any effort to make the relationship a success. Compare the figures to, say, forty years ago and the difference is shocking. To what extent is what is said realistic or whether it is a progressive insight in the context of people who develop further (and possibly one more than the other) or that both partners are financially independent or that people have higher demands on life and who we want to share it with. All kinds of reasons that can and will influence the percentage of relationship termination. But whatever the reason, society has changed and that change continues.
An additional, but not indelible, aspect is the fact that if there are children, they always experience something from it. Children need that nest in which both parents play a role. This changes if one of the parents no longer lives in the same nest. Children suddenly have multiple litters or miss one of the parents who belongs in that nest. This certainly does not mean that things always go wrong when one parent raises the children. In any case, whether it is for the children or to look for and find each other again, professional help is now increasingly being used again.
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The relationship therapist
Relationship therapy is actually a collective name for all kinds of psychotherapy that relate to relationship problems; it is also sometimes called systems therapy. This also means that there are not only people who come who want to end the relationship, but who have other types of relationship problems. The therapist’s help is generally called in when people can no longer find a solution on their own.
The relationship therapist will generally first identify the problems with both partners and reality shows that it is usually more than one thing. The logical next step is to look for solutions together with both partners. The therapist does not offer the ready-made solutions that people would prefer, but usually provides tools.
Too late?
Relatively many people seek professional help when they have already tried everything or are even on the verge of divorce. Apparently, hiring a therapist is still a big step and is seen as a last resort. However, as soon as you experience friction for whatever reason within the relationship, it is best to contact the therapist immediately. It is logical that you give it another try yourself, but after that, going to the therapist is the best step. The longer it takes, the more difficult it becomes.
Possibilities for approaching relationships
Some of the traditional approaches. Often face to face with the therapist and increasingly the internet is also used. Think of conversations that take place via Skype.
- The most well-known and used is behavioral therapy. This will place more emphasis on how partners influence each other with their behavior. The aim is that the behavior of both partners will develop positively.
- Less known, but still used, is specific solution-oriented therapy. The word speaks for itself, one goes directly towards a solution. By focusing on the moments when the relationship is going well, the process can be reversed. Not everyone is suitable for this form of therapy, but sometimes it can be a conscious choice.
- Psychoanalytic relationship therapy is a form that can be chosen when the cause of relationship problems is mainly to be sought in unresolved emotional conflicts from childhood. This applies to one of the partners and sometimes to both. The focus is on still processing these emotions.
Finally
Modern? Possibly, but if you want to try to revive your almost failed relationship, it might work. The hesitation to take the step to a relationship therapist can be made more accessible through the internet. Plenty of possibilities.