Nowadays there is a lot to choose from. Having children is also no longer self-evident. You can choose a life without children or you can try to have them. For some the choice is clear, but others think about it a little longer. How do you make that choice and what considerations often play a role? Luck is often the decisive reason. People have children because they think they will be happier when they have children. This is a subjective feeling. No one can estimate in advance whether you will be happier with children. According to research, people with children are not happier than people without children. They are also not more unhappy.
Talking about wanting to have children
When you make the choice consciously, you are less likely to regret your choice. So talk about it with your partner. Does he want children too, or not? How does he see fatherhood and does that match how you see it. How are you going to approach that, raising children? Do you both feel good about that? Only by talking do you know what your partner thinks about it and when you put your own feelings and thoughts into words they become tangible. This way you can make the best choice. That does not mean that this choice has to be forever. Maybe you or one of you will think differently in a few years. Which can. Start the conversation again and make a choice again.
Because it is expected of you
Sometimes people have children because they feel it is part of life or because those around them expect this from them. The couple’s parents would like to become grandparents. Friends ask when they are going to start and eventually, more or less under pressure from those around them, it is decided to go for it. If this is the only argument, you cannot be happy with this choice. Children impose restrictions. You can no longer just leave, they take over your house and your life and they have a major impact on your financial budget. Having children is a choice that you must fully support. If you don’t do this, you will end up with unhappy parents with an unhappy child. Nobody wants that.
Last minute moms
Sometimes women decide to become mothers at the last minute. This can of course be a lot of fun, but in this category there are many mothers who regret their choice afterwards. Many women choose to have a child anyway because they are afraid of regretting a life without children. So they do not fully support their choice. Furthermore, we all become less flexible as we get older. Particularly for women who become mothers at a later age, their adaptability is heavily challenged.
Fear as an argument
Sometimes people decide to have children because they are afraid of the future. They are afraid of being left out by friends and acquaintances who do have children. They are afraid that they will spend their old age lonely in the retirement home. These are not good arguments. There is a good chance that you will regret your choice. Children are simply not something you do on the side. Even when you have children, friendships can fail. Many older people in the nursing home never see their children. These never come to visit. In practice, it appears that in percentage terms there are just as many lonely elderly people with children as without children.
Good arguments
If you see children as an enrichment of your life and you feel that your life is not complete without becoming a father or mother, you have a good argument. If you think this way, you should definitely try to have children. The wish must come from within yourself and not be imposed.