Parenting is a subject that everyone must decide for themselves at their own discretion. Entire books have been written about it, but every child is unique and so are his/her parents. Moreover, the present tense is chaotic. Young parents in particular constantly receive conflicting advice. One person says that strict rules are necessary for children, while another says that children need all the freedom to develop. The truth, as so often, lies in the middle. A framework of rules is necessary, if only to protect the child, but it must be given complete freedom to develop within that framework. To achieve this, parents need all their love, attention and intelligence to provide as many educationally correct answers as possible and to make the right decisions at all times.
Authority is necessary in education
Anyone who sets rules must also adhere to them. If you break your own rules, you will receive little or no respect from your child and the child will quickly ignore your rules. For example, if you forbid (with the best of intentions) sweets just before eating, but take a chocolate in front of the child just before eating, the effect of that ban is nil. The child therefore sees no point in taking sweets at that time, secretly if necessary.
Also comply with your own rules
Authority must be earned. You can earn that by adhering to your own rules and showing the child that you make all decisions in his/her best interest and not for your own convenience. This is unconsciously registered by a child. It creates a sense of security in the child. The child subconsciously knows that it is safe with you and in anxious moments it seeks comfort and peace from you. This will of course become less and less over the years, but that is how it should be. That is part of the path to adulthood.
A good example encourages others to follow suit
The old proverb still rings true. Small children are like monkeys: they often copy what they see. If you take the child for a walk every day and stop at every street corner to look left and right, the child will do the same over time. Good table manners are also followed over time, as are wiping feet at the outside door, caring for plants and animals, and so on.
Encouragement is needed regularly
The child often needs to be encouraged, because he or she does not always feel like it, but time shows that it will eventually work out. At the latest when your child starts living on their own, you will see certain things come back. So rest assured and never despair.
Reason, love and feeling are of the first importance in education
Rules must be set up with reason and love. Decide what is good for the child and what is not, but never, really never, set rules that you implement only for your own convenience. If the child notices that all rules serve only his interest and not primarily yours, he will be much more likely to obey. Rules that are set out of love and with sensitivity to the nature of the child and enforced with reason will not irritate so quickly.
Resistance is logical
Of course, the child will sometimes resist, because the child does not always see the usefulness of a measure. This is inherent in children and the urge for freedom often overpowers their reason. The smaller a child is, the less he or she can judge what is not good for him or her, or even dangerous. You have to decide that for the child yourself.
Giving more freedom as the child gets older
A baby needs complete care, but the older the child gets, the more freedom it can handle. That is one of the most difficult points in education. Letting go of a child. When should you let it go and when not? Take the traffic. It is known that a child under the age of ten cannot properly estimate the speeds of cars and it is therefore not wise to let him or her cycle to school in a busy city. Guidance is then necessary.
Another example
An eight-year-old child can easily walk a small dog, but not a large Labrador or Saint Bernhard, for example, because if he encounters an interesting other dog along the way, the child cannot stop him, but can be dragged along with all the dangers that entails.
A framework of rules supports you in raising children
Rules are necessary to give structure to the child’s life. For example, eating and drinking must be eaten at regular times. The body responds positively to this. In addition, there are hygienic rules, such as the morning ritual of getting up, washing, combing and dressing, washing hands after going to the toilet and before sitting at the table. There are also rules for going to sleep on time and all the rituals associated with it.
Safety rules in particular must be obeyed
In addition, there are also rules for the child’s own safety and the parents’ belongings. As soon as the child is allowed out of the playpen and starts crawling or walking around, he must learn to stay away from the oven, any stove and the waste bin. In addition, the TV and the sound system, for example, should be taboo for the child.
Toys or no toys
Expensive equipment is not a toy and the child must learn that too. The parents’ rules subconsciously give the child a feeling of security. A framework within which it can safely make its own discoveries.
Precautionary measures
As soon as the child is no longer in the playpen, the parents must also take measures. Parents must of course ensure that, for example, there are no aggressive cleaning products in the lower cupboards of the kitchen sink and that the child cannot reach their fingers into a low socket.
Tablecloths can endanger the safety of your child
Hanging points from tablecloths can also pose a hazard. The child can pull himself up and pull the cloth with the hot tea or coffee pot over him. Of course that shouldn’t happen. The child’s entire environment must then be carefully checked for dangerous points and adjusted if necessary. You can forbid the child to touch something, but he or she will soon forget that and a small child will investigate everywhere. Everything is interesting.
Agree the rules with any other educators
Make sure that the framework of rules remains in place, even if the child goes to the grandparents for a weekend or if a babysitter comes. A little pampering from grandma and grandpa is of course always allowed, but make sure you agree on when the child should go to sleep, what he or she can do and what not. After all, if you forbid the child to stay away from matches, but the babysitter has no interest in teaching the child to light a tealight, that sends the wrong signal to the child.
Adolescents and studies
Adolescents often don’t like studying at all. They often do not see the point of subjects such as geography, French, or mathematics. It is indeed difficult to motivate an adolescent. It is especially difficult if you are sure that the child has enough brains, but does not open a textbook. Not everyone feels like asking their son or daughter late at night, after a long day at work, to check what they have learned.
Do not give up
However, it is necessary to review the course material for any subsequent studies, especially if another test or exam is coming up. Once the child has completed any HAVO or Athenaeum education and can study in the direction of his or her interest, things usually turn out fine.
Don’t become desperate
Especially during your child’s adolescence, there are sometimes days when you wonder whether anything will come of your entire upbringing. Every parent would like to look ten years ahead to see if everything will turn out okay, but don’t worry. The child needs to feel that you are interested in him or her and that you love the child. It really does grow up, but the learning process towards adult freedom takes time. It often happens in fits and starts, but usually it works out fine.
Never give up hope
Some teenagers are really stubborn and no longer want to listen to you. If you do not give up, try to maintain a dialogue with the child, always explain the reasons for your prohibitions and commandments and help the child if there are problems, everything usually turns out fine.
read more
- In education, prohibition is a necessary evil