Adolescents often feel that they are already adults and can decide for themselves what they do and do not do, but in everyday practice things often go wrong. That’s not surprising. Puberty is somewhat similar to the stubborn period of small children between the ages of two and three, but in a more difficult period, which can often cause problems. After all, you can no longer pick up an adolescent in his own interest and put him where you want, but must be guided with reason and guidance. Preferably in a way so that the teenager thinks he has made the decision himself. The choice of career is also often very biased and not according to the child’s aptitude and capabilities. Here too, careful guidance from parents and teachers is necessary.
A characteristic of teenagers is their insecurity
Due to irregular growth and the associated changing influence of hormones, adolescents often do not feel comfortable in their bodies. Until recently, they could do exactly what they wanted with their bodies. They could estimate exactly how far they could jump, how hard a kick had to be against a football to shoot it into the goal and how hard, for example, a push against someone else would hit. Now that their muscles are growing and their limbs are getting longer, this is no longer possible. The physical proportions are disturbed and this makes the teenager very insecure.
An adolescent tries to appear confident
To the outside world, however, the teenager tries to appear very confident. Especially in a group of peers, the teenager behaves as if he knows everything and knows exactly how to get along with others. He does not want to show his insecurity, because that is seen as weakness by a group of peers and makes him a subject of ridicule and worse within the group. After all, the pecking order within a class of teenagers is very important to most. There they want recognition and acceptance from others. Not from the teachers. It is the opposite: those who go against the teachers are often admired.
Putting on a big mouth
Precisely because of this uncertainty, the teenager is often very vocal against parents and teachers. In this way, the teenager shouts out his own weakness and then feels strong because of the loud talking and the often ugly language that is used. Afterwards, the teenager usually does not feel comfortable with this, but he/she does not know any other good way to defend himself at that time.
The adolescent often resists authority
Just like the little child during the stubborn period who has suddenly discovered the power of the word no, the adolescent also wants to rebel against the authority of parents, teachers and government. They get their own opinion that is often colored by what others in their age group find important, rough, tough or beautiful. All people in authority are viewed as stuffy, old-fashioned and wrong. The rules drawn up by that authority are often no longer recognized by the adolescent and must be tested for soundness as much as possible. However, this can pose dangers to the adolescent himself.
Insight and special attention from parents and teachers is needed
As long as parents and teachers are aware of the specific problems their adolescent child faces, they can deal with them better. After all, it helps very little to give teenagers orders and prohibit things that they do not see the point of, but it is still important that the teenager adheres to a number of rules. For example, many teenagers do not see the point of studying, but with a good mind it is a shame to ignore studies. The efforts of parents and teachers are required here. Not only through conversations with the teenager, but also through checks on attendance at lessons, doing homework and the extra effort for tests and exams.
Lyceum, Atheneum, havo, mavo, and the like
Especially for children who have good minds, high school is a necessary ,evil,. This provides the general development and the languages that the children will need later when they choose a profession or want to continue their studies. It is the basis for their future lives, although at that age they often don’t see it that way at all. Once they have completed secondary school and can study within their own interests, things become much easier and you as parents usually no longer have to worry about it.
Talk, talk and talk again with your teenager
Every parent knows the discussions with adolescent children. They are certainly not always easy. However, always remain calm during an argument with your teenager. Don’t lose your patience and come up with good arguments. Also try to keep discussions down to earth and businesslike, but show that you love the child and are interested in it. Also let the child know that he can trust you and can always come to you if he has problems.
Always criticize only in private
If there are important topics, speak privately with the teenager in a quiet moment. As soon as others are present, the teenager will behave differently and a clear conversation is not possible. Criticism should never be given in front of others, because that doesn’t work. The teenager will feel embarrassed and then he/she will do exactly the opposite of what you wanted to achieve.
Walks or do something else together
During walks, fixing a flat tire together, working in the garden, or other chores, you can often start a conversation about a topic that is causing problems. In a relaxed state, the adolescent is not immediately in a mood of resistance and a good conversation is more possible. Make use of this and inquire, for example, about friends, teachers, group behavior, whether people in the group are being bullied, and so on.
Adolescent calling behavior and the dangerous internet
If an adolescent calls, texts, or uses WhatsApp a lot, ask who you are talking to. Also keep an eye on how your teenager uses the internet. Do not allow the teenager to close the door to his own room. After all, many teenagers fall into traps via the internet, are bullied and manipulated and by the time you realize that your child has a major problem, there is often little you can do about it. Also talk to your teenager about the dangers of giving too much information.
Facebook, Twitter and Instagram can sometimes become very dangerous
Facebook, Twitter and Instagram in particular are a danger in themselves. Children often post statements and videos there that could pose a danger to themselves. An innocent sentence such as: I’m nice and alone tonight and I’m going to lie down on the couch and watch TV, can tempt criminals to pay a visit. Be sure to explain to your teenager what can happen if compromising photos appear on the Internet. Not only can your child be bullied at school, but it can also be detrimental to their later job search.
An occasional compliment can do wonders
Not everything can be prevented and most teenagers roll through puberty unscathed. Be positive towards your child, give compliments when something is done really well and don’t forget to enjoy your growing child, because that is also part of it. Adolescents can be extremely creative and enthusiastic. Adolescence is not the easiest period in parenting, but it is the most interesting. Sometimes you would like to look back in time ten years to see if everything will turn out okay, but that is simply not possible. Don’t worry, though. Usually everything ends up back on track.
Not all teenagers experience puberty
A number of teenagers do not notice the fluctuations in hormones, an unruly and lanky body and changing moods. These are the teenagers that parents have the least problem with. They are reasonable, grow more evenly and their whole growth towards adulthood seems to be harmonious. However, here too you have to be careful of outside influences. Wrong friends, bullying at school and problems with studying can still cause problems.
Parents and teachers must continue to pay attention
Adolescents are half-grown people and they should be treated that way. They don’t want to know, but they often need help with their growth into adulthood. Attention from parents, teachers, the government and people in the area is particularly important.
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