Everyone sometimes has to do something against their will and no one does it willingly and with great pleasure. However, if a person always complains and claims to be the victim of malicious intent, has problems with authority, and is unreasonable in his or her ever-changing wishes or demands, he or she may have a passive-aggressive personality.
General
People with a passive-aggressive personality avoid conflict. They feel imperfect or incomplete, but project this feeling onto others in the hope that they will be exposed as the perpetrators of their suffering. They have great difficulty with criticism or orders, and submitting to someone is experienced as a defeat. But they do not dare to say what they think, do not dare to say no and then wallow in their victim role, complaining and frustrated. Unlike the depressive personality, they consider their suffering undeserved but take pride in enduring it.
Characteristics
- Erratic behavior, changing wishes/requirements
- Easily irritable and very impatient
- Jealous of others
- Vague in expressing wants and needs
- Subassertive
- Insecure about your own abilities
- Committing passive resistance
Relationships with other people
Passive-aggressive personalities are very dependent, but often have an unreasonable attitude towards those in authority. They feel unworthy but at the same time expect others to prove to them that this is not the case. They are never direct, but they can very well make someone feel that they have treated them unfairly. They manipulatively sabotage chores they do not want to do, procrastinate, procrastinate or forget what they consider to be unreasonable obligations. They always see criticism of this as unjustified. It can be compared to the behavior of a rebellious teenager, but fortunately it is temporary.
Relationship with a partner
Passive-aggressive personalities are masters at accepting the victim role and in that sense they are also very good at pushing the other person into the perpetrator role. This often goes so far as to even create a relationship in which the partner actually threatens to become insensitive or worse.
Assistance
It is not easy for a therapist to reframe unpleasant experiences and from there to make it clear that, for example, the influence of others does not necessarily mean submission. They complain about injustice but don’t actually want to change the situation because they feel safer in the role of victim. Changing this means that they have to be more assertive and active. Their fear of abandonment is precisely what makes this so difficult.