In Western society, shaking hands is a common way to greet each other in 2023. The right hand is used because in some countries the left hand is used after defecation to clean the buttocks. The left hand is then considered ‘unclean’. If people see each other often enough, shaking hands is often omitted in countries of Northwestern Europe and the Netherlands. In some other countries people continue to shake hands at every meeting. In the West, not shaking hands is considered an insult. This can lead to awkward situations in cases where some Orthodox Muslims and Orthodox Jews refuse to shake hands with the opposite sex in public. The reason that Orthodox Jews do not shake hands with the opposite sex is that any form of physical affection can lead to violations according to the Torah.
- Shake hands
- No set etiquette
- Refuse hand
- Social cultural
- Legal consequences
- It is better not to shake hands if you are ill
- How does Judaism view shaking hands?
- What do the Jewish sages write about physical contact?
- Examples for Orthodox Jews who refuse to shake hands
- Some religious Jews do shake hands with the opposite sex
Shake hands
No set etiquette
When meeting someone else, it is customary in the Netherlands to say hello and shake hands. When people rarely meet, they will usually shake hands. If you meet more often, handshakes will eventually be dispensed with. There is no set etiquette on how hands should be shaken. Yet there are different ways of handshakes and they each have their own meaning. This way you can discover when shaking hands whether someone is tense or dominant.
Source: Angélica Martínez, Wikimedia Commons (CC BY-SA-3.0)
Refuse hand
Social cultural
There are socio-cultural reasons for refusing to shake hands. Orthodox Muslims and Jews do not shake hands with someone of the opposite sex in public. Wikipedia reports that this has to do with temptation to adultery and impurity. Below we explain exactly how this works for Orthodox Jews.
Legal consequences
Legally speaking, refusing a handshake in the Netherlands can be a valid reason for employers not to hire someone as an employee if social etiquette is very important in a job. On August 30, 2007, the Utrecht court ruled that dismissal is justified if the employee refuses to shake hands in a very demonstrative manner because this disrupts labor relations.
It is better not to shake hands if you are ill
It is also a good idea not to shake hands in situations where there is a risk of transmitting diseases through bacteria. According to research, people spread more germs by shaking hands than by kissing. It is therefore useful to use disinfectant hand gel after shaking hands. Also within healthcare, more and more doctors no longer shake hands because otherwise they could transmit bacteria to patients.
In 2020, the world is dealing with the coronavirus. Initially, the World Health Organization called on people to stop shaking hands to prevent the spread of the disease. That situation no longer exists in 2023.
How does Judaism view shaking hands?
The Torah prohibits any form of physical affection that could lead to a violation of the law. In practice, this means that there may be no physical contact between men and women, with the exception of close family members. Halachic authorities differ on whether touching is allowed without affection. Some allow this while others say it should be avoided. This does not apply to doctors and nursing staff.
Isn’t shaking hands a form of politeness? This may be true, but the dividing line between simple touching and sensual touch is minimal. The Torah reports that touch is a powerful experience that should be reserved for the right person at the right time. The Torah also says that we must treat others with respect and that we must be extremely careful to avoid embarrassing anyone. There must be respect for privacy and the sanctity of marriage.
What do the Jewish sages write about physical contact?
The Rambam (Maimonides) writes in Hilchot Issureir Biah 21:1 that all physical affection is forbidden according to the Torah. According to the Ramban (Nachmanides), the ban was imposed by the rabbis. Rabbeinu Yonah states that all physical contact between a man and a woman is forbidden, even if it is not affectionate. However, De Shach states that non-affectional contact is allowed, but others say that this is not allowed at the rabbinic level. Physical contact can easily lead to affection. Rabbi Moshe Feinstein says it is difficult to ensure that no desire occurs upon touch. He also believes that an offered hand from a woman should be refused because it is difficult to trust that there are no desires. Rav Menashe Klein also rejects any form of touch because it can easily lead to affection.
Examples for Orthodox Jews who refuse to shake hands
An Orthodox Jewish journalist, Rivka Ravitz, who works for President Rivin, refused to shake hands with the prince during Prince Charles’ visit to Israel in 2018. Instead, she bowed slightly to the prince, who extended his hand in vain. Ravitz had done the same a few years ago during President Rivlin’s visit to the Pope.
In a similar situation, a Haredi Orthodox Chabad woman refused to shake his hand during a meeting with President Bush.
Some religious Jews do shake hands with the opposite sex
There was a commotion within the Orthodox Jewish world in Israel in 2013 when the nationally religious Jewish Knesset member Moshe Feiglin started shaking hands with women. On his Facebook page he explained why he did that. He missed the touch of a woman’s hand until he was told that out of politeness it is not forbidden at all as long as it is not affectionate touch. He sees not shaking a woman’s hand as religiously not strictly necessary. He attaches greater importance to maintaining good relations between the different sectors of Israeli society. “I feel that the walls that have risen between different parts of the nation, the inability to listen and connect, threaten us more than the danger of abandoning strictness,” he wrote. He had consulted a rabbi in advance.