A legacy coach? Is that needed? Yes, is often the answer. The inheritance appears to be a source of arguments and even family feuds for many people. This can often be prevented. More about backgrounds, the ‘psychology’ of the inheritance and the how and why of the inheritance coach. Many people are surprised at what can happen if an inheritance has to be divided after a death. Indeed, not so much ‘may be’, but also ‘must be’. Agreeing on an inheritance can be a difficult matter. Firstly, there are matters that are not regulated in any will, nor in the standard distribution key that applies if a will is missing. This mainly concerns personal assets, which are logically not always divided in a legally valid document. But there is also the issue of not being able to reach an agreement, despite the fact that everything has been arranged through inheritance. One gets this, the other that, but one disagrees with what the other got or there is a surprise – an unpleasant one of course – compared to expectations. This is a pitfall, especially if expectations are not expressed. A big one, because there is a taboo on dividing the inheritance before a death. Fortunately, this applies in many cases. But the practical consequences after a death can be distressing. Yet there is misunderstanding here. Because, how does it get so out of hand?
Psychological factors
What people quickly forget when a family feud arises, so to speak, over a set of silver egg spoons, is that the financial and material settlement of a death has powerful psychological and emotional aspects. For example, if the ‘black sheep’ in the family is significantly under-equipped in the inheritance, this may not actually be a surprise. But it is a final sign that the family member in question finally sees this position secured. There is no way back. And that increases the chance that, especially in the case of significant financial interests, dissatisfaction will lead to arguments. Sometimes also to an attitude that astonishes the other family members: ‘She knew that mom wouldn’t let her inherit, didn’t she?’ is the motto then. Yes, that is possible, but knowing rationally and being able to truly accept it in heart and soul are two things.
Power factors
The inheritance is also often the target of power games between people who already had a dormant or openly difficult relationship. Then it is not about the things, but the things represent a power factor. Who gives in… and loses out? If you look at it this way, many long-standing conflicts surrounding the inheritance suddenly become clear.
Legacy coach
A strong and positive trend is coaching. One of the latest developments concerns the rise of the legacy coach. Coaching is hot and hip, and promising when it comes to legacy issues. Why? Firstly, because it appears that coaching can help prevent people from having to resolve costly conflicts through expensively paid lawyers. Secondly, because coaching is much more accessible than ‘official’ assistance. Thirdly, because coaching has a positive connotation: it sounds like the positive voice in the background that coaches people towards a good result. That also makes the approach of coaching a reality. In psychological terms: coaching focuses on the ‘agency’ or decisiveness of people themselves. This also applies to the legacy coach. Finally, the estate coach is an impartial person, with no interest in one outcome or another. That is often a more fruitful approach than involving any family member or family friend. Argus eyes are all too ready to detect partiality.
Disadvantages and obstacles
That doesn’t mean legacy coaching is for everyone. When deep and ingrained conflicts arise, it often becomes difficult to reach an agreement without all kinds of heated legal battles. There must be a certain will to find a solution together.
How do you choose a legacy coach?
When choosing an estate coach, it is important to know in advance who you are dealing with. The profession of estate coaching is not protected. This means that anyone can call themselves that. Anyone who really wants to engage a professional will quickly find an expert who combines legacy coaching with an existing practice in assistance. This expertise can be substantiated through, for example, training courses focused on psychology and/or assistance such as mediation . Another important indicator is membership of a professional association that is not only aimed at estate coaches, but does focus on related expertise.