The belief in the flying spaghetti monster is a legitimate religion in several countries. According to the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the original Pastafarians (believers) are pirates. The first pirate was Captain Mosey. He received life advice from the flying spaghetti monster on ten stone tablets. Unfortunately, he lost two of the ten stone tablets on the way down, so only eight pieces of advice are known.
The origins of this belief
In 2005, 25-year-old Bobby Henderson wrote an open letter to the Kansas School Board after graduating in response to its decision to devote equal time to teaching religious arguments for the existence of God and the theory of evolution. This open letter argued why the flying spaghetti monster would exist as a deity. This letter went viral, led to the belief in the flying spaghetti monster and converted people to Pastafarians. This mass conversion is known as the Great Revalation. Bobby Henderson later also wrote a book, the holy book of the religion ‘The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster’.
The holy book
Just as Christians have the Bible, Muslims have the Koran and Jews have the Torah, Pastafarians have a holy book, namely ‘The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster’. Not all Pastafarians see this book as the holy book. The book ‘The God Delusion’, written by his prophet Dawkins, is also circulating among followers. This last book is actually an argument against belief in gods, using scientific grounds.
The afterlife
According to this belief, there is a heaven and a hell. In heaven you will find beer volcanoes and a stripper factory. These can also be found in hell, but there the beer is spoiled and all strippers have a venereal disease.
Who are the Pastafarians?
Some Pastafarians are sincere believers, but a good portion of Pastafarians see this belief as satire. Many of their opinions cannot be seen as anything other than satire. For example, the view that life begins before conception and that sperm deserves the same protection as fetuses and fully grown humans. This makes those who wear tight underwear and those who often go into a jacuzzi with water that is too hot guilty of murder.
The colander
Pastafarians wear a colander on their heads and the Dutch archbishop of the flying spaghetti monster faith still does not have permission to use a photo of him with a colander on his head in the Netherlands on his passport. After a lawsuit, people in Austria and the Czech Republic have been allowed to use a photo of themselves with a colander on their head on their passports.
FSM in the Netherlands
The belief in the flying spaghetti monster is abbreviated as FSM. On August 3, 2016, the court in Groningen made a ruling in which FSM was referred to as a belief system, but it was determined that a photo on an ID card with a colander on the head is not allowed in the Netherlands. The official costume of the pastafaris is a pirate suit with a colander on the head. Since January 2016, The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster has been officially registered as a Church Society in the Trade Register of the Chamber of Commerce. During the services they organize, faith is briefly discussed, pasta is eaten and a drink is had.
The eight pieces of advice
The eight pieces of advice that Mosey, the first pirate, received all start with: I would really rather not have you
- I really would rather you not pretend to be holier than anyone else when describing my needy divinity.
- I really would rather you not use my existence to oppress, punish, judge, or behave badly towards others. I don’t need sacrifices and the term ‘pure’ is for spring water, not for people.
- I really prefer you not to judge people by how they look, how they dress, how they talk or how they walk. Just be nice, okay?
- I really would rather you not behave in a way that could offend yourself or your willing partner of legal age and mental maturity.
- I really prefer you not to argue with brainwashed, biased, nasty people on an empty stomach. Eat first and then make mincemeat of them.
- I really would rather you not build multi-million dollar churches/mosques/temples for my needy goodness, when the money could be better spent fighting poverty, disease, peace, loving with passion and making broadband cable cheaper.
- I’d really rather not have you spreading the word to others that I’m talking to you.
- I really prefer that you don’t do things to someone else that you want to do to yourself, if you are into things that involve a lot of lubricant, leather or Vaseline. If the other person wants it (see point 4) go for it, take pictures and for Mike’s sake, use a condom!