Stop worrying: tips against obsessive thoughts

How can you stop worrying and stop obsessive thoughts? Worrying is a form of pointless and aimless thinking. Worriers are constantly concerned with the possible outcome of things that they cannot predict. Not only is it a completely pointless activity, but it also has negative consequences: you only make yourself more anxious this way. In the event of real or threatened danger, you can in fact only do two sensible things: you can try to assess what the danger or threat consists of and then do something about it. Worrying can be useful if it encourages you to take action to solve a problem. However, if for some reason that doesn’t work, you will have to resign yourself to your fate. In that case, resistance is pointless and leads to more fear. Worrying endlessly about work, the children, your relationship or life in general is pointless. How can you stop worrying at night and during the day? Are there worry exercises?

• Worrying: the vicious circle

• Compulsive worrying
• Endless stream of thoughts
• Worrying is learned behavior
• Not easy to stop worrying
• ‘Don’t think about a pink elephant’

• Stop worrying: tips against worrying and obsessive thoughts
• Stop worrying through worry exercises
• Distinguish between solvable and unsolvable concerns
• How to deal with unsolvable concerns?

• Find out what exactly you are afraid of
• Accept uncertainty
• Challenging the worrying thoughts
• How do you recognize (automatic) unhelpful thoughts?

• Live in the here and now (mindfulness)
• Calm yourself
• Make yourself uncomfortable
• Stop the clock
• Worry elastic band
• Cry out loud
• Other tips to stop worrying and gain control over your thoughts

• Doing activities and self-talk
• Keep your hands busy
• Prayer and meditation
• Exercise daily

 

Stop worrying / Source: Dean Drobot/Shutterstock.com

Worrying: the vicious circle

Compulsive worrying

Many worriers are always thinking about ,what if, and worst-case scenarios, which are scenarios that assume the worst that can happen. Examples of this are:

• What if I completely botch the job interview tomorrow, causing my dream career to slip through my fingers?
• What if my friends secretly think I’m a boring idiot and therefore stop inviting me to fun activities and parties?
• What if I accidentally say something at a restaurant tonight that is completely misinterpreted? And that I’m embarrassing myself? And what makes everyone think I’m a wimp?
• What if I lose my phone today and lose all my important contacts and photos?
• What if my health deteriorates and I will never be able to achieve all my life goals again?

Dreaded events are thought out in detail and repeated over and over again. This worrying is mainly about possible disasters that could happen to you, such as an illness, a child having an accident, financial problems, what others think of you, possible conflict situations at work, etc. Worrying consumes you completely. You continue to worry obsessively, which means you can no longer find peace with your thoughts. Relentless doubts and fears can be paralyzing, causing you to become inactive and worry even more.

Endless stream of thoughts

In addition to the endless stream of thoughts about all kinds of possible disasters that could occur in the future, at some point you also start thinking about your own thinking pattern. You may then come to the conclusion that it is not normal for you to worry so much and that if you continue to worry like this, you will really go crazy again and go crazy. These thoughts make the problem even worse because they bring another possible disaster on the horizon, namely ‘going crazy’.

Driving yourself ‘crazy’ with all kinds of thoughts / Source: RobinHiggins, Pixabay

Worrying is learned behavior

Worrying saps your emotional energy, makes you more anxious and indecisive, and interferes with your daily life. You no longer get around to the things you want to deal with. Excessive worrying is exhausting, damages relationships with others and can even lead to depression, anxiety disorders or addiction. Chronic worrying is a mental habit that can be broken. You are not saddled with it for the rest of your life. Worrying is learned behavior, so you can unlearn it.

Not easy to stop worrying

It is no easy feat to stop worrying. On the one hand you realize that constant worrying is harmful to you, on the other hand you believe that it helps to prevent problems, find solutions or prepare for the worst. If you have already thought about everything, at least you are prepared for everything. Despite all the negative consequences it entails, worrying also provides a sense of control. To put an end to worrying definitively, you will have to let go of the belief that worrying serves a positive purpose. All that thinking and worrying does not lead to deeper insights and finding out what the problem is, as worriers secretly hope. The opposite is true: endlessly talking about problems leads to serious vision loss. All your attention is focused on what could go wrong and you don’t pay attention to anything else. Worrying inevitably leads to even more worry. It is a vicious circle that must be broken.

‘Don’t think of a pink elephant’ / Source: Clker-Free-Vector-Images, Pixabay

‘Don’t think about a pink elephant’

Telling yourself to stop worrying doesn’t work for long. You can distract yourself or suppress your anxious thoughts for a while, but you can’t magically banish them. In fact, these types of actions only make the worrying thoughts stronger and more persistent. You can demonstrate this principle with a simple test. Just tell yourself that you can’t think about a pink elephant for five minutes and you can pretty much assume that you won’t think about anything else from that moment on. The psyche is stubborn and cannot be controlled on command. If only it were that simple. But this doesn’t mean you can’t do anything about your worrying thoughts.

Stop worrying: tips against worrying and obsessive thoughts

Below are a number of tips to combat worrying:

• worry exercises;
• distinguish between solvable and unsolvable concerns;
• how to deal with unresolvable concerns;
• live in the here and now;
• calm yourself down;
• make yourself uncomfortable;
• stop the clock;
• gonna cry out loud; and
• other tips.

 

Consciously triggering worry thoughts / Source: RobinHiggins, Pixabay

Stop worrying through worry exercises

Worrying thoughts often come at times when they are least welcome, which makes it seem that you have no control over the worrying thoughts, but that the flow of thoughts is in charge. With a worry exercise this is reversed and you regain control over your own thoughts . The worry exercise looks like this:

Agree with yourself on a fixed time at a fixed location that you will perform this exercise, during which you will consciously evoke the worrying thoughts. For example from 5:00 PM to 5:20 PM in the dining room . Don’t do it too late in the day, as that can disrupt your night’s sleep and make sure no one can disturb you. This moment is called ‘worry hour’. During worry time you worry about everything that comes to mind. However, the rest of the day is worry-free. Learn to postpone your worries until this regular worrying moment. If a worrying thought comes to your mind, tell yourself that you will only start thinking about it during your worrying hour and that there is no reason to think about it now. Save this thought for later and continue with what you were doing. It can help to write down this worrying thought on a note. This exercise gives you back control. As you regain control by thinking the thoughts when you want to (and not when they arise), it becomes easier and easier to postpone the thoughts until a later time and eventually let them go completely.

Distinguishing between solvable and unsolvable concerns / Source: RobinHiggins, Pixabay

Distinguish between solvable and unsolvable concerns

If you’re worried about something, ask yourself if the problem can be solved. The following questions can help:

• Is the problem something you are currently facing or is it an imaginary ‘what-if’ situation?
• If the problem involves an imaginary ‘what-if’ situation, how likely is it that it will occur? Is your concern realistic?
• Can you do something about the problem yourself or can you prepare for it, or is it outside your sphere of influence?

If you have productive, solvable concerns, you can take immediate action. For example, you are concerned about some payment arrears. You can then immediately contact the supplier to see if you can make a payment arrangement. Unproductive, unsolvable concerns are those for which there is no immediate solution. For example: ‘What happens if I get cancer one day?’ Or: ‘What if my child has an accident?’

If the problem can be solved, brainstorm. Make a list of all the possible solutions you can think of. Keep in mind that the perfect solution does not exist. Focus on the things you can influence and change, rather than the circumstances that are beyond your control. After you have evaluated all options, draw up an action plan. An action plan stating who does what and when is necessary. Once you have a concrete plan to implement, you will feel less worried.

But how should you deal with unsolvable concerns? If you are a chronic worrier, the vast majority of your anxious thoughts will probably fall into this category. Below we discuss some ways to get your anxiety under control:

Figure out what exactly you’re afraid of / Source: RobinHiggins, Pixabay

How to deal with unsolvable concerns?

Find out what exactly you are afraid of

First of all, think about what exactly you are afraid of and try to make it as concrete as possible. Consider the way you think about the anxiety-provoking things and you will find that they often take the form of catastrophizing ideas, that is, presenting things as disastrous: ‘It seems terrible to me if…’. Or: ‘It’s disastrous if…’. Remember that such thoughts have at most the character of a presupposition. You don’t know what it will feel like if it actually happens to you, even if you’ve experienced it before. The past does not have to determine the present.

Accept uncertainty

Living means taking risks, no one can avoid that. When crossing the street, you could get run over or break your neck over a loose tile. The inability to accept uncertainty plays a major role in people who worry a lot. Chronic worriers cannot tolerate doubt or unpredictability. They want complete certainty about what will happen. Worrying is seen as a way to predict what the future holds, a way to avoid unpleasant surprises and to influence the outcome. The problem is that it doesn’t work and is counterproductive.

Thinking about all the things that could go wrong makes life unpredictable. You may feel safer when you worry, but it is just an illusion, you create a false sense of safety or security. Focusing on worst-case scenarios doesn’t prevent bad things from happening. You can worry a hundred thousand times about how terrible it is if you get cancer, but it doesn’t help a bit (in a preventive sense). It prevents you from enjoying the good things in the present. So if you want to stop worrying, you have to deal with your need for certainty and control by accepting the inevitable. Every person sooner or later will have his or her share of adversity, accept it.

Do this by challenging yourself . Ask yourself the following questions and write the answers behind them:

Ask:	Answer:
Is it possible to be sure about everything in life?	…
What are the advantages of that certainty and do they outweigh the disadvantages?	…
Does this need (for security and control) help me in my life?	…
If not, why not?	…
Do you tend to think of bad scenarios precisely because something is uncertain? Is this reasonable to do? What is the probability of positive or neutral results?	…
Is it possible to live with the slim chance that something negative could happen?	…

 

Challenging worrying thoughts / Source: RobinHiggins, Pixabay

Challenging the worrying thoughts

Challenge your worrying thoughts by asking yourself whether they are correct and by wondering whether these thoughts help you (further) in life. Then think about which thoughts would help you further.

Start by identifying the frightening thoughts . Write down what you are worried about in as much detail as possible. Then challenge the thought and create a more balanced and healthy perspective. You can challenge the worry by asking and answering the following questions:

• What is the evidence that the thought is true?
• Is there a more positive, realistic way to look at the situation?
• What are the chances that what I fear will actually happen?
• If the probability is low, what are the more likely outcomes?
• Is the thought useful? Do these thoughts help me in my life?
• What thoughts would help me better? What would I say to a friend who is concerned about this?

 

How do you recognize (automatic) unhelpful thoughts?

Cognitive distortions and irrational thoughts that contribute to anxiety, worry and stress include:

• All-or-nothing thinking or black-and-white thinking. For example, ,If I don’t get at least an A on that test, I’m a total failure.,
• Overgeneralization. Generalizing a single negative experience and expecting it to apply to all situations. ,I have been rejected for this job. I will not get any job.,
• The mental filter. Focusing on the negative aspects of something and filtering out all positive factors. Only seeing the negative sides of something.

Recognizing unhelpful thoughts / Source: RobinHiggins, Pixabay

• Drawing incorrect conclusions. Making negative interpretations without factual evidence. You create your own truth, as it were, without checking it first. You do this by:
  • To read someone else’s thoughts: ,He probably doesn’t like me.,
  • Predicting the future: ,I’m in a slump right now. I don’t think my sad feelings will ever go away, they will always stay that way.,
  • By believing something to be true because you have a feeling it is: “I feel something terrible is about to happen.”
• Downplaying the positive things. Thinking of reasons why positive events don’t count: ,I did well on the presentation, but that was just a matter of dumb luck.,
• Catastrophizing. Assuming the worst, or doom thinking. ,The pilot said we were experiencing turbulence. I immediately thought, ‘The plane is going to crash’!,
• Emotional reasoning. Believing that the way you feel represents reality. ,I feel scared now. That must mean that there is real physical danger.,
• Thinking in terms of ‘must’ and ‘not allowed’ (normative thinking). For example: ,I must perform, I must not fail.,
• Labelling. Labeling yourself negatively based on (perceived) mistakes and shortcomings. ,I’m a failure, an idiot, a loser.,
• Always wear something personal (personalize). You show up at a party and there is silence. You then think: ,You see, everywhere I go it becomes unpleasant because I am annoying company.,

 

Live in the here-and-now / Source: RobinHiggins, Pixabay

Live in the here and now (mindfulness)

Worrying is usually focused on the future, on what might happen and what you will do or say. It is therefore important to focus your attention on the present (mindfulness). Register the worrying thoughts you have and acknowledge that you have them. Don’t try to fight them or control them, just let them be. Consider these thoughts from an outsider’s perspective, without reacting or judging. Let your worries come and go, like passing clouds. Stay focused on the present. Pay attention to the way your body feels, the rhythm of your breathing, your ever-changing emotions, and the thoughts you have. If you find yourself stuck on a particular thought, bring your attention back to the present moment. Every time you focus your attention on the present and the activity you are doing at that moment (from peeling an apple to doing your homework), you are establishing a new mental habit that will help you get out of the negative spiral to get rid of worrying.

Calm yourself

Repeat a feared thought over and over again and they will spontaneously disappear. For example, if you are afraid of getting cancer, look in the mirror several times a day and say out loud to yourself, ,I could die of cancer. I could die of cancer., By repeating this over and over again, this fearful thought will lose its power.

Stop worrying: ‘stop the clock’ / Source: OpenClipart Vectors, Pixabay

Make yourself uncomfortable

Worriers feel like they can’t tolerate pain, but if you practice experiencing discomfort you will achieve much more. The goal is to be able to do what you don’t want to do or do things that make you uncomfortable. Worriers tend to avoid new things and situations that make them uncomfortable, such as receptions or public speaking engagements. This attitude helps them avoid feeling uncomfortable, but if you force yourself to do the things that make you feel uncomfortable, you’ll be less likely to turn to worry as a coping strategy in the future.

Stop the clock

This tip to stop worrying is very similar to ‘Live in the here and now’. Worried people often have a sense of urgency. They think, ,I need the answer now and if I don’t get it now, something terrible will happen., Look at the pros and cons of such a demanding urgency. Instead of emphasizing the sense of urgency, focus on what you perceive now.

Worry elastic band

Another common technique to stop worrying is to wear an elastic band around your wrist. Every time you feel a negative or worrying thought coming on, you pull the rubber band so that it taps against your wrist. This mild pain stimulus temporarily interrupts your flow of thoughts. Then try to consciously think of something else, something positive.

Cry out loud

The emotional part of the brain – the amygdala – is suppressed when you worry. This often finds its way later in physical complaints, such as digestive problems, fatigue or rapid heartbeat. Don’t try to suppress your emotions because when you cry or are angry, you are not afraid.

Regain control of your thoughts! / Source: RobinHiggins, Pixabay

Other tips to stop worrying and gain control over your thoughts

Doing activities and self-talk

Do the things you are afraid of and don’t avoid them. Use positive self-talk (self-talk is self-talk, that is, the way you talk to yourself) and do not worry about the negative judgment of others. Don’t blame yourself for being afraid and worrying and especially don’t blame yourself if your worrying thoughts come back. Many people beat themselves up when they revert to old behavior after initial success. That’s because they don’t accept themselves as a fallible being, as someone who makes mistakes. Then they start thinking: ,See, I’ll never get rid of those worrying thoughts., Nonsense of course. You cannot predict the future based on the past and relapses are part of it. You don’t have to be dramatic about that. Accept it and just continue on the path you are on.

Keep your hands busy

Doing an activity that keeps your hands busy and your mind distracted can prevent flashbacks of traumatic experiences. This disrupts the storage and encoding of visual images.

Praying helps against worry / Source: Milkovasa/Shutterstock.com

Prayer and meditation

Taking time for meditation and prayer can reduce anxiety levels in people, but also has effects on the anterior cingulate cortex and the brain regions of the ventromedial prefrontal cortex or prefrontal cortex (the former region controls emotions and thinking, the latter controls worry).

“True and complete prayer is nothing other than love.” – Augustine

 

Exercise daily

Exercise is effective in combating stress and worry. Exercise increases the level of serotonin, the happiness chemical in your brain and a neurotransmitter that influences mood, well-being, self-confidence and impulse control, among other things. Exercise can also reduce the effects of oxidative stress. Daily exercise can lead to lower anxiety levels in people confined to the couch.

“You can’t change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future.” – Isak Dinesen

 

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