It looks a bit sad, the real outsider or the man/woman where everything works a little differently than for someone else. Either it’s in your head or it’s really the case. In both cases, what is the reason and how do you solve it?
Meaning
The outsider literally means: someone who does not belong to a group or field. But the outsider is also used in situations when you see yourself as a loner. This is not a fixed fact, but the perception of the person in question.
When everything is just a little different
Many people have the feeling that their problems are slightly different from those of others, that they find themselves in different situations than the average person and that they do not understand things that everyone else does. Strangely enough, this is not based on any scientific research or other types of empirical figures. It is a feeling that arises for various reasons, but often has to do with pushing yourself backwards or making yourself subordinate in relation to the other person. In any case, the self-image is not strengthened.
Some examples worked out
- After all, what do you base on that the other person understands what is being said and you do not? Because the other person doesn’t ask questions? Because the other person nods in agreement with interest and, above all, very intelligent? You name the reasons, but they only arise from your own interpretation of the situation.
- You are having financial problems, struggling with life and your goals and your relationship has just ended. Why do you get all the problems and the others don’t? Who decides that all the others don’t have problems? Have you ever asked those around you? Have you ever wondered whether you are in a different phase of life that may bring just a few more ,problems, than when you are one step further?
- During discussions I always have a different opinion than the rest. I doubt whether I should express my opinion at all and usually I just say nothing. But how do you know whether all those others have the same opinion? Perhaps there are more people who keep their opinion to themselves, because they think it is a different opinion. They may (also) lack the courage to say what they think.
How to deal with your role as an outsider?
To ask
Actually it is not difficult, but you have to be strong enough. The only remedy and possible negation of your feeling of being an outsider is to ask. Expressing a different opinion, if you have misinterpreted it in your own perception, will receive support from other people who may think the same as you. More problems than someone else may also indicate that more people just like you have quite a few problems, but do not show off about them. However, they may tell their story if you tell your own story. The same applies to your feeling that you do not understand something that everyone else does and you find it embarrassing to ask. There may be more people who are the same as you and they think it looks stupid because they also think they are the only one.
In other words, open your mouth and explain the situation, ask questions. If you keep it close to yourself, there is a greater chance that others will also dare to expose themselves more.
Gauging
If you want to take a less rigorous approach or think asking openly is a step too far, then gauge opinions. You can do this, for example, by asking the person next to you, throwing a ball at the coffee machine at work or asking someone you know individually. Fewer people find this confrontational and it is generally easier to talk one-on-one than in a group. Finally, you can also present it as a hypothetical situation.
The real outsider
We sometimes encounter real outsiders at school. By the time young people reach puberty, they seek each other out in terms of belonging, because that is important during this period. That’s where external matters come into play and if you deviate from them you are sometimes excluded. Think of the adolescent with glasses, or who is significantly overweight or has a real physical abnormality. It is not uncommon for these people to be excluded in this age phase and although there is no ready-made solution for this, it is important not to continue to walk around with this. Talking about it with parents/guardians, but also teachers can help. Even then, for some people it remains a period of survival until this phase is over.
It often makes these young people tougher and can also have the advantage later in life that they are not so easy to upset. The disadvantage can be that you build a wall around yourself and that you rarely get through it. Té can therefore play a role in both a positive and negative sense.
Finally
The outsider during puberty is the girl or boy who is never asked when putting together the team and is, no matter how serious, concrete. The outsider in later life is not always an outsider, but is often between the ears. In both cases, you are taking an important step when you talk about it.