You can learn to listen well. Listening carefully to someone else creates more space for real contact with another person. It is not without reason that the most important letter of our alphabet is the letter C. The C for communication. We communicate a lot and often we don’t even hear what the other person has to tell us. We are too busy with what concerns us and that is not even age related. Whether you are man, woman, young or old, we set our own priorities
Our listening sense
A simple listening test quickly provides insight into how good we are at listening. Often listening attentively to others does not go well for us. Our thoughts very often quickly wander off the subject. We then think about topics that concern us. By preoccupied with our own thoughts, we do not give the other person enough space to really engage in conversation with us. We should test more whether the conversation partner feels that we are a good listener. Give the other person the feeling that we respect, take seriously, accept and value the conversation partner.
Listening test
Have you ever asked and answered simple questions to yourself:
- Do I ever ask for an explanation when I don’t understand what the other person is talking about?
- Do I respond appropriately when I am talking to someone else?
- Can I listen to someone else without immediately having an opinion or reaction?
- Can I summarize a conversation without adding my own opinion or judgment?
- Does it sometimes happen that I am fascinated by the person’s appearance or appearance and that the words (their message) pass me by?
- How often do I actually have eye contact with the person I’m talking to?
- Do I have a certain (recognizable) attitude when I am listening to someone else?
How well can you really listen?
By answering the above questions with always, often, sometimes and never, you will get an idea of your own listening skills. If all 7 questions are answered with always, then you are a very pleasant conversation partner and your conversation partner has the feeling that you are really there for him/her. If there are fewer than seven questions that are always answered, you could consider whether you could pay more attention to the conversation and the conversation partner. If you answered one or more of the seven questions as never, then it is a good idea to consider how you could improve your listening and listening skills.
The listening itself
Listening to others or listening to sounds consists of:
- Show interest in your environment;
- You give someone else the space to tell their story to you;
- You also show that you listen to the other person;
- You ask interested questions;
- You ask questions to gain clarity;
- You give feedback.
Listening often seems obvious to us, but can we listen well?
Listening is important
You also gain knowledge by listening and the acquired knowledge makes you wiser. Experiences have taught us that by listening carefully, a relationship with other people around you can be improved. Listening is also an important and indispensable part when you have to collaborate with other people.
An additional advantage is that by listening carefully to your manager and colleagues you can positively influence career opportunities. Also by listening carefully you will learn:
- what moves people to do or not do something;
- what people like to do;
- You can also find out by listening carefully what goal people are striving for.
the knowledge gained through listening:
- to get things done yourself;
- to submit your ideas to the right person at the right time;
- to better prepare you for the things to come.
In practice, good listening mainly occurs in professions such as:
- Account manager
- Advisor/consultant
- Manager/branch manager
- Journalist
- Interpreter
- Funeral director
What exactly is listening?
When you listen, you pass on space to someone else:
- to let him speak;
- not to rush the conversation partner;
- to keep in touch with the speaker:
- look at the speaker (make eye contact);
- nodding to the speaker;
- to express approving sounds (hum).
You also give someone the impression that you are listening carefully if the other person hears in your words what the other person said to you:
- summarize what was discussed;
- summarize what you think the speaker’s main points were;
- ask the speaker if you understood correctly;
- so always respond to what the speaker has said;
- show genuine interest in the words spoken;
- good listening is always evident from the follow-up after a conversation;
- always show and notice that the expressed views, ideas and arguments of others are taken into account.
So try to make the right choices in life
Whether it concerns work, sports, relaxation or taking responsibility when making choices, always take your own burden into account. You will experience that this will help you function better. You can better match the available time with what you really find important. The following basic rules apply to matching time and activity:
- live in the here and now and radiate that;
- Plan fun things in your agenda and reserve time for them regularly;
- Determine which matters may influence your planning (think of your health, family, friends, independence, freedom);
- Reward yourself regularly with something nice when you have reached a milestone (e.g. losing weight, achieving turnover);
- Don’t try to do different things at the same time (it will make you mentally tired and/or the quality of the result will be less).
The quality of listening increases if you really give the other person the time the conversation deserves. The trick remains to determine what is really important (in life). If you can do this and you have identified the most important priorities, you will also be able to manage your priorities more easily. However, do not lose sight of the fact that one priority (for example, family) has a higher value than another priority.
According to Mark Twain, “All you need in life is ignorance and self-confidence, and success is assured.” In 1887 that may have been a correct assumption, but today we know that success is not a matter of ignorance, but that listening carefully to others can be a steering mechanism that can lead to (personal or business) success.