It doesn’t sound desirable, loss is painful, it can make you anxious and then embracing the loss is the last thing on your mind. Yet embracing loss can be a good start, a basis for processing. Processing loss on all kinds of levels and is in stark contrast to what we are usually “offered” as processing , namely acceptance or even worse “the emptying continues”. The American psychologist Dorsman, who specializes in processing loss, regularly applies it successfully. His story is summarized below.
Transience
Everything is impermanent and accepting that aspect is a start to embracing it when loss occurs. A difficult aspect for many, because we are not used to it. You have to accept loss, but how difficult is that when the loss occurs. In the
past , for example, the loss of a loved one was accompanied by holding back for a while, possibly wearing colorless black as a sign of mourning. But more important in that overall picture was the period of reflection and to resume life in peace. Nowadays, however, we have to move on from whom? The environment and because we grew up in it ourselves, we don’t know any better, life goes on. The reflection, what does the loss mean to you, thinking about how you might now view life differently, etc. is actually largely gone and they are contributing to that themselves.
This is not to say that the grieving process is the only way to give it time and your thoughts. But we have a way that does justice to the situation and takes into account an important aspect, namely time.
Embrace
In addition to time, there is also a method that you see used more and more often and that may sound strange at first, namely embracing your loss. This means that you think in advance, talk to people, etc. about what you are going to lose. In fact, it does not matter whether it concerns a person close to you or something of your own (for example due to an illness).
Having a party
If you throw a kind of party around what you are going to lose, but with people who are close to your loss of something or someone, that is where your grieving process begins and you have taken an important step in the total grieving process (once the time has come). that you are going to lose). It has now been demonstrated that this process works, but not everyone will apply it so easily. It’s strange to many people, but if you don’t push the invitation too hard, your invitation will be accepted more quickly. When you lose someone you know, invite the very close people and, if this is still possible with the person in question, celebrate together how many fun things you have done together. How much fun you had and especially that you were allowed to have it together.
But in fact this also applies to someone who, for example, has to miss one of their limbs partly or completely due to an illness. What has your limb done for you all these years and who have you done it with? For example, an arm could have given you a wonderful time in the pub with friends and downing beers or you could have written beautiful poems to your loved one. With that arm and a leg it could have taken you to all kinds of places, you could have had a wonderful dance with it. or have experienced perfect years as a football player and scored big goals or you name it. If there are people at your party who had something to do with that, you can laugh and cry together at almost the same moment and you realize what meaning something or someone had.
Rarely does a process often happen unconsciously in a somewhat similar way. Perhaps not really as a party, but with reminiscing and laughing about it. That is an important part of this process and a major first step towards processing the loss.
Trade in
The next important step you take with such a process is the fact that you get something in return for your loss. Often insight into transience and dealing with loss, but also the ability to put things into perspective and strength. Furthermore, the chance that you will not process part of the loss is small and therefore the chance of the so-called backpack that may arise later in life is much smaller. Experts say the loss is ultimately a gain.
In conclusion
Opponents? They are always there, but this is often motivated by moralistic grounds, fear or a pigeonholing mentality. Be your own advisor in this regard and if you want to enter into such a process, make sure you are strong enough to face any dissuaders.