We try to prevent every conceivable risk with all kinds of measures. As a parent, we want the safest possible environment for our child to grow up, but is this healthy? In this article my view on taking risks in education.
About a safe environment
Children need a safe environment to grow up into independent adults. If there is a feeling of insecurity due to a (possible) physical or psychological threat, the child cannot grow up healthily. There is then a feeling of uncertainty. As an adult, the child will then struggle with all kinds of problems that can be traced back to experiencing a feeling of insecurity in the early years of life.
The feeling of security is like a safety net that the child can always fall back on. Life is full of surprises for a child and every day there are new discoveries. In order not to become lost in uncertainty, the child must be able to fall back on a familiar and safe environment. This environment is the child’s home. It is therefore the duty of parents to ensure a safe environment. In addition to the necessities of life such as food and drink, the feeling of safety is not negligible. Some parents manage to make their child feel safe even in an unsafe environment. They give their child a safety net to fall back on if they want to escape the insecurity outside the home. An example of this are children who grow up in ghettos and yet do not belong to a gang and who can grow up to be stable young people despite the feeling of insecurity outside the home. Another example can be found in the film ,La vitta e bella, where a father in a concentration camp gives his child a feeling of safety. Although this film is fiction, there are a number of important elements that you as a parent can apply to make your child feel safe.
How to create a safe environment?
In my opinion, the most important condition for creating a safe environment for your child is a strong bond between parent and child (you can find tips in the article (re)bonding: restoring the bond with your child). As a result, the child completely trusts the parents and will turn to the parents if he or she feels unsafe. The parents can then provide a safe environment adapted to the needs of the child, because not every child has the same needs. Some children may be afraid of imaginary monsters (see: fear in children) while others may be afraid of busy traffic. By knowing what your child is afraid of and what causes the feeling of insecurity, you as a parent can create the right environment for your child to grow up safely.
I think of children as seeds: if you plant a seed in the wrong environment, it will not fully blossom, but in the right soil with the right conditions, the seed will reach its potential. That is why it is important to provide the right environment for each child within the possibilities. This is only possible if you know your child and know what your child needs.
Illusion of freedom
Children learn through play. The learning process is very important in order to form a correct world and self-image and thus grow into a healthy adult who can be a valuable member of society. Some games seem to be of no use to adults, but if the child shows interest in it, at that point it is essential for the learning process. Children only learn what they are ready for: that will pique their interest and everything else will be pushed to the background until a later time. That is why children should not be forced to learn something they are not ready for. This can have an adverse effect and lead to learning and concentration disorders.
Playing happens all day long: even boring activities are part of a game for a child. It is important that the child gets the feeling that he is free in his actions. A restriction of freedom can lead to the child being discouraged from playing and thus learning. The learning process can be led by an adult, but without the child getting the feeling that the adult decides everything. The child will learn best when he has the illusion of being free. This feeling is also an important aspect in creating a safe environment: if you do not feel free, you cannot feel safe because you always have to meet the demands of others and cannot be yourself.
Children have an incomplete knowledge of the world and of themselves to be completely free. There are always dangers that the child must learn to deal with. This is only possible under the supervision of an adult. Experience is the best teacher, but a negative experience can have major consequences for a child. That is why I do not speak of freedom for the child, but of an illusion of freedom. The child feels free in a safe environment where he can discover the world without fear of dangers and where he can be himself without having to meet the demands of others. This also strengthens the trust in the parents and the feeling of security that the child has with its parents.
About stair gates and locks
There are many solutions to make your home child-friendly, such as stair gates and all kinds of locks for doors and cupboards. While these things will make your home safer, I don’t recommend them. By completely shielding the danger from your child, you do not teach your child to deal with the danger itself. The illusion of safety then reaches so far that the child recognizes no dangers and considers everything to be safe. For example, if a parent accidentally leaves a door open somewhere, the child may go on a voyage of discovery and end up in a dangerous situation (falling down stairs, drinking poisonous products, cutting tools, playing with matches, etc.). Since it is a new environment, the child is curious and wants to discover what was hidden.
Dangerous objects should never be within reach of the child. However, some children are very resourceful with chairs and stools and can thus find ,hidden treasures,. The temptation is greater if the child does not know the object in question and does not know why it is forbidden for children. Of course, it is not advisable to expose your child directly to the danger and let them experience what it feels like firsthand! The best way is to introduce your child to the danger under supervision and learn to deal with it. This strengthens the feeling of security and also clearly indicates to the child where his or her limits lie. Only when the child knows the dangers can you shield them and use stair gates and locks. If you ever forget to open a lock, you should not fear that your child will end up in a dangerous situation.
Learning to deal with dangers
Below are a number of examples to teach your child how to deal with dangers. Not every tip is suitable for every child or family. If you, as a parent, feel unsure about following a tip, it is better not to apply it. Insecurity among parents can frighten a child. This way, your child will not learn the necessary skills to deal with the danger.
- Stairs: Stairs are very dangerous for small children. Climbing is a skill that requires practice and an untrained climber can quickly fall down. Children often show an interest in stairs when they can crawl well. That is the ideal time to learn it. Climbing is a lot like crawling and it’s just one step further. Only start when your child shows interest in it (some children only show interest when they can walk). If your child tries to climb, let him go and stay behind him so he doesn’t fall. Do not force your child and stop if your child is too tired. Crawling down is more difficult. The best way to teach your child this is to crawl down backwards. Set the example yourself and climb down a few steps. Then help your child down one leg at a time. If your child is not ready, stop. Make sure that you do not leave your child alone near a staircase if he or she cannot yet walk properly (at least 2 to 3 years). Only when a child can go up and down a flight of stairs in a fluid motion will he be able to do it alone.
- Cabinets: Cabinets often house hidden treasures. Children like to unload cupboards when a parent is not looking. This can be solved by locks, but if you forget to close a lock, the temptation will be greater for your child. That is why it is better to introduce your child to the content. Show your child what’s in it and tell him why it should stay away. Also give your child a cupboard that he can safely load and unload (toys, pots and pans, jars, etc…). This way he won’t have the tendency to unload your cupboards.
- Sharp objects and tools: Sharp objects and tools should certainly be kept out of reach of a child. Knives can be left in a cutlery drawer if your child is not inclined to reach for them. Some children cannot keep their hands off it while others show no interest in it. Make sure that cutlery drawers make sounds (for example, put a bell in them or distribute cutlery loosely enough in the drawer so that it rings). Then you will hear when your child wants to get something out of it. Don’t close the drawer, but ask your child what he wants. Do not immediately take away knives, but ask them to put them back and explain why. If your child wants to cut something (for example a sandwich), you help him with it. Preschoolers can already handle knives and can cut themselves. Don’t give them knives that are too sharp because an accident can easily happen. Also leave your child with you if you use sharp objects or tools yourself. This way he sees how to work with it. Also clearly explain the dangers at your child’s level. You can have a toddler help you with supervision (holding a knife together, for example). Then explain clearly to your toddler that he is not allowed to do it alone and why not.
- Sockets: Sockets should preferably be out of reach of children. However, in some homes, electrical outlets are close to the ground. You can buy cover plates to protect the sockets, but here too the temptation is great if there is ever no cover plate on it. Children see parents using sockets and would like to plug something into the socket themselves. To prevent this, you can explain to your child that it is dangerous and remove it from the socket. Repeat it patiently until your child stays off. Some children stay away when they hear the word dangerous and for others it takes longer. Most primary school children can plug it into the socket themselves without any danger.
- Fire: Many children find fire fascinating. They do not really understand how the flames move and want to grab them. This is very dangerous! It is certainly not advisable to let your children play with fire. However, you can teach them how to deal with fire under supervision. Depending on the age of your child, you can, for example, let your child blow out matches after you have lit the fire or light candles together with long matches (hold matches together) or let them feel the heat of a stove and explain why it is dangerous. However, do not leave matches, lighters and candles within reach of your child.
- Traffic: Teach your child the traffic rules. Also repeat them together when you are on foot or by bike. Your child will not remember all the rules at once, but repetition ensures that the rules are recognized and known later. Teach your child to cross the road too. It is best to hold toddlers in your arm and toddlers by the hand. The sooner they are introduced to the traffic rules, the better.