Staying in the closet is not exclusively a gay issue. After all, many do not talk about their alcohol problem, depression, fear of failure, loneliness, illness, marital problems, financial shortages, etc. But the need for an understanding ear is nevertheless often great. That is why there is the telephone helpline De Listening Line, where anyone with a problem can go 24 hours a day to vent their concerns in a good conversation. Call 088 0767 000, you can remain completely anonymous.
Gay is a swear word
It is often understandable that homosexuals fear coming out. The straight world is not always understanding of gay men or lesbian women. Certain groups or professions even urge you to hide the fact that you are gay. According to former referee Dick Jol, the KNVB also does not appreciate it when referees let it be known that they are from the ,wrong side,. As long as the word gay is still a swear word, it is not easy to come out of the closet.
Not out of the closet because of your origins
But you don’t have to be gay to be afraid to come out of the closet. For example, anti-Semitism has ensured that, especially before and shortly after the Second World War, Jews often did not flaunt their origins and denied it. With a distinctly Jewish appearance or with a typically Jewish surname like Cohen, that was of course not easy. But if your entire family was murdered in the war, such denial was understandable. It is still remarkable that Jews disguise their origins by proclaiming that they have ,Jewish blood,, are of ,Jewish descent,, etc. The statement ,I am a Jew, (or Jewess) is rarely heard.
Because of your different taste
You will not make yourself popular among your friends, from primary or secondary education, if you admit that you are quite moved by classical music. Because Mozart, Bach, Beethoven, Schubert, Mendelssohn, Vivaldi and Chopin can also move young people and bring them to ecstasy. And you don’t have to be old to enjoy the beautiful paintings from the golden age in the Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam. But that interest is also not a trait to brag about among friends your age.
The fact that almost all mixed choirs in the Netherlands have a shortage of male singers is not because men do not like to sing, but because it does not look cool to the outside world if you sing in such a choir among women. Only when men are somewhat advanced in age do they often dare to overcome their hesitation and become a member of a mixed singing society.
Due to position and education
If you, as an employee, hold a position that is above the level of your previous education, you often prefer not to advertise. The achievement that it is to successfully perform that responsible job with a relatively low level of education apparently loses out to the shame or insecurity due to less education.
Because of fear
Fear is an emotion that we do not like to show off, especially if that fear can be classified as cowardly, because we are of course ashamed of it. But sometimes it is wise to pretend to be tougher than we feel.
- Because if an athlete or sports team announces before the start of the competition that there is a fear of losing, the showdown will certainly be lost.
- It is also counterproductive to reveal your stage fright, stage fright or fear of failure just before a theater performance or speech. If you do feel the need for openness, please do so after your performance, after you have first received the well-deserved applause.
Almost everyone remains in the closet at some level
For example, you conceal or deny that you:
- are dyslexic or have difficulty reading,
- have undersized body parts, which are characteristic of femininity or masculinity,
- have psychiatric problems,
- have hair growth in annoying places,
- cannot make ends meet financially, or that you have a lot of money in the bank,
- have a fear of driving while working as a driver,
- have strange desires or fears,
- have pedophile feelings,
- you do not believe in God from the Bible, while you hold a paid position in the church,
- etc.
The Listening Line
Are you struggling with a personal problem or do you want advice on a difficult issue? Then call the telephone emergency service De Luisterlijn, where you can go day and night, even if only to vent and let off steam. Call 088 0767 000. You can remain completely anonymous.