Getting through the holidays is not easy, and certainly not for the parents of newly blended families. Every parent wants the children with him/her, to see how they take and open their beautifully wrapped gifts from under the Christmas tree. As a parent you want to see the smile on your child’s face. But after a divorce this is not always that simple. Which parent gets the kids on Christmas Eve, and which parent gets the kids on Christmas Day itself?
What is the fairest?
Is it fair that the mother gets the children? In most cases she has them all year round. Perhaps it would be fairer for the father to get them, since he often only sees the children on weekends. So how should parents manage this?
What is it like for the children?
The period around Christmas is certainly not easy for the children themselves, they often suffer from different, contradictory feelings.
- Children can be unsure about which parent they will spend these days with, often not knowing where they will be until the end. They often don’t dare to ask their parents because they think they don’t want to talk about it and then just wait and see what happens.
- The feeling of having to split into two is also something that occurs frequently, children do not want to have to miss one parent during a party like Christmas, they naturally want to be with both. Either they miss the father or the mother. Although this is true all year round, this feeling is especially strong during the holidays.
- Sometimes children also feel relief; the holidays are perhaps more serene and calmer now that the parents are apart than when the parents were still together. And of course it’s now a two-party celebration, instead of once.
Solutions
- Some parents alternate every year, one year the mother gets them, the next year the children are with the father.
- Other parents arrange it so that they are with one parent on Christmas Eve, but on Christmas Day itself they are with the other.
- There are also a few exceptions where parents put aside their difficulties once a year and come together again as one big family during the holidays, so that they can both enjoy when the children open their parcels. This is of course more difficult when one or both parents now have a new partner, who often also has children.
Making good agreements, good friends is a saying that certainly applies here. Make sure that you, your ex-partner and the children know well in advance who will be where and when. This way, everyone can plan everything well in advance, and visits to grandparents or other family members can also be scheduled more easily.
What you do it for
Being part of a family with divorced parents is always difficult, but around the holidays it always becomes even more difficult. You want the best for your children, but sometimes it is difficult to put aside the difficulties between the ex-partners so that the children have a fantastic Christmas. Because isn’t it worth a lot to see your child beaming when he opens that one package he was hoping for so much?
Whichever option you choose, remember that Christmas is a time of giving, new beginnings, joy. It is also a time to forgive for what has gone wrong in the past, but above all, Christmas is a time of love. If it is no longer for each other, then it is for the children, because you have them in common for the rest of your life.