Do you feel like a bad mother or a mother who whines? Then you probably have good reasons for that. But are these reasons also justified? Many mothers think they are not doing it right. This is mainly due to the image that the media and the government want to present to us. Find out why you’re not a bad mother.
Difference between feeling like a bad mother and being a bad mother
Let there be a clear difference. Feeling like a bad mother doesn’t necessarily mean you are a bad mother. And the other way around, of course: a bad mother often doesn’t have to feel like a bad mother. In fact, really bad mothers often think they are doing the right thing and don’t feel bad at all. And by bad we mean terribly bad. Neglecting or abusing your child mentally or physically. That is bad. Do you not belong to this group? Then let’s look at why you feel bad.
Not having patience with the children
Often mothers feel bad because they have no patience with their child/children. One reason for this is time pressure. In the morning it is often a mess within the family: children who do not want to get up, are only half dressed or still need help, preparing breakfast, mother still has to take care of herself, fill bags, put on coats, lose shoelaces, torn raincoat and then the dog also pees in the kitchen. There is always something. This is often the case around dinner time. While you are cooking, the children around you are whining or arguing. If you have done your best with the food, someone always complains that it is not tasty. It is understandable that your patience will eventually run out. You suddenly freak out and scold your child. Grounded? No absolutely not. The child cannot do anything about the fact that you feel stressed and he or she suffers from this. Does that make you a bad mother? No, as long as it remains that one (or a few) time. It is important that you are aware of the fact that such things should not happen again.
Is your child busy and do you have no hands free? Are you busy with something important and have less time for your child? Discuss this with your partner. This can keep the child busy if he sees that you cannot cope. And make a separate box for the child for such moments. A treasure chest where you put exciting things that the child is normally not allowed to play with. Think of your discarded jewelry, dress-up clothes, a game console, something that the child normally never plays with or is not allowed to play with. Take out that box when you don’t have time for your child. This way you are guaranteed to keep your child busy for an hour (or half an hour for young children). And above all, don’t feel guilty: you simply cannot be there for your child 24 hours a day. Other matters also deserve attention.
Overstressed or burned out? Recognize it!
Mothers can also become stressed. Because of work, because of the family, because of hormones. Sometimes you feel completely burned out. But if this feeling occurs very often, there is a good chance that you are stressed. Stress has a negative effect on our peace of mind. We often get a short fuse because of it. And the partner or the children are the victims of this. Be honest with your family and let them know if you feel you can no longer cope. Your partner or family may be able to take over for you temporarily or pay extra attention to your child. Do something nice for yourself and really just for you. Go shopping with a friend or take a long walk. Listen to your favorite music or go away for a weekend. All together, with a friend or with your partner. As long as you relax. Do you still feel like you can’t relax? Discuss this with your doctor. No more feelings of guilt! It is not always easy to have to be there for your child, the household and others. Especially in today’s society, sometimes too much is asked.
By the way, it is very normal that you have less feelings for your child during times of strictness. Sometimes it seems like you have no feelings, but the fact that you feel like a bad mother says it all: you worry about your child and you love him or her. You are definitely on the right track.