The life dilemma or the so-called ‘thirties dilemma’. Not entirely justified, because you also see many people in their forties struggling with it. After all, if at any time you are at a certain point in your life and you look back, the question ,Is this it?, looming. And this question often provides enough material for further questions about life, such as asking yourself who you are and what drives you.
What is it about?
In fact and very fundamentally, we are there to reproduce ourselves and that means that we are very close to the basis of nature. But the fact that we have been given brains is certainly not without reason.
Our parents teach us the basics, then we go to primary school, secondary education and one goes to work and the other continues studying. With the ultimate goal of looking for and finding a, preferably, well-paid job (if only because that is how it should be according to our norms and values). Because that job provides us with sufficient resources to start a family and reproduce. And then we are back to basics.
And now…
But when we have achieved all this, and that is often in our thirties or forties, the next step comes. And now we ask ourselves if. The midlife crisis, which we initially thought only affected men, now affects almost all of us.
We start to wonder things about life, things about ourselves and things about the future. And in itself, asking yourself the question is not wrong, but many people get stuck in it, do not get answers to the questions and can even become depressed.
Passion
What I miss in the entire process is what really makes you happy as a person. If that’s the family, that’s fine. But if you got into something because it was the right thing to do or because it was socially responsible or because it simply paid well, you may be missing out on your passion. Moreover, you can also combine everything with a family.
And that brain is structured in such a way that you are also good at something, that automatically makes you happy and that is where your passion lies. A passion that was once hidden away, because it wasn’t possible at the time, you weren’t ready for it, it wasn’t allowed, etc.
And again we are left with all kinds of questions that we often don’t get answered properly. Which can lead to people suddenly making a drastic decision and perhaps unfairly leaving valuable things behind them.
Giving yourself time, talking to people about it and slowly forming your opinion can also save you a lot of grief.
Coming to ‘Who am I?’
If you are at the point where you want answers to the question of who you actually are, besides father or mother, educator, money machine, boss and/or driver, then ask yourself some things in peace. Do not hesitate to go through this process with the help of a psychologist or a live coach. This professional can help you get those ifs and buts out of the way. Consider a number of steps to take.
- It starts with stopping going around in circles. The grinding that many men or women do in a certain situation can also just happen in the thirties dilemma and lead nowhere. So stop!
- Find your passion, if you had all the money in the world… what would you do (except travel the world, provide the family/friends with money and more of those obvious things). In other words… what really makes you happy?
- Once you have written down some things, you run the risk of looking for counter arguments about why you should not do that, can do it, may do it, etc. Sweep the arguments off the table, because it is your mind that is structured in such a way that you possible risks must be avoided.
- Once you have lost the counterarguments, you can make a plan for yourself to achieve this. Write it on a mood board, say it out loud or walk around with a writing pad to arrive at what you want to go for and how. Not necessarily rigorously, but with the knowledge of life that you already have, you take steps that lead to your previously established (life) goal(s).
- Find people in your area with whom you can provide sounding boards. People who are open to business and do not think too narrowly (after all, then the counter arguments simply arise again). They can show you an even broader perspective by showing different angles.
- Please take the time to arrive. You have a life that makes you have questions about the future. You are not in a life that you despise (we are talking about a much more drastic process than the ‘thirty-something dilemma’) and so you fit it into your life and in a way that continues to make you feel good (at most exciting). .
Finally
Sometimes it is a brief feeling of who am I, but if it persists it resonates with you more and it is good to do something with it. Understand the process in peace, seek help if necessary and take steps to prevent yourself from going around in circles and becoming disappointed with life. Get the most out of it in your own way.