What do you say to someone who is seriously ill to wish them strength? You don’t know what to say and may be afraid of making someone cry. You don’t want to remind the person of the unpleasant things when you see him or her in reasonable condition on the street. Many people find this difficult and even avoid the patient. And that’s a shame! What can you say or write, how do you wish someone strength?
- I want to write a card
- Which card do you choose for your wish for the sick person?
- I’m going to write a letter
- Avoid and say nothing
- Keep it big, boost it, you’ll be fine
- Saying you don’t know what to say
- How are you now?
- Just act normal, as always
- No compelling advice, just a listening ear
- Your stories are also wanted
- Making an appointment offers distraction
- How special do you make the sick person feel?
- Experiences from other cases of illness
- Healing, prognosis
- What do I write on a card to wish you strength?
card or letter: very welcome to a sick person / Source: Clker-Free-Vector-Images, Pixabay
I want to write a card
What you write on a card to someone is actually nothing more than a conversation with the recipient of the card. If you try to imagine how the sick person feels, it makes it easier to put yourself in his/her shoes and write down your own thoughts. At the very bottom you will find tips specifically for writing a card.
Which card do you choose for your wish for the sick person?
There are many types of cards to send to a seriously ill person, and just as many reasons why a card is or is not suitable. Which card do you choose for the sick person? Think of floral cards, cheerful cards, comical or neutral cards. Especially in the case of a serious illness, choose the right card carefully.
I’m going to write a letter
If you write a letter, it is actually like having a conversation with the sick person. Only he can’t talk back at that moment. It doesn’t seem like a dialogue, not a conversation between two people, but a monologue, a conversation from one person. But that’s okay. You can ask questions in your letter. Like, ‘I’m trying to imagine what it’s like for you. I would be so upset to hear that I have cancer. Did you have that too?’ The answer will come later. In any case, the sick person feels heard. It gives a nice feeling that you have tried to put yourself in the situation. Actually, the monologue then becomes a dialogue after all!
Avoid and say nothing
Many people completely avoid a sick person. They don’t know how to behave and what to say. It’s behavior they don’t want to do, but they just don’t know what else to do. And that is a great shame. Because a sick person needs help, social, practical, distracting. Or even just knowing that someone else is thinking of him/her gives a nice and happy feeling in bad situations. So don’t avoid it, and especially don’t postpone contact because you dread it.
Keep it big, boost it, you’ll be fine
Another ‘mistake’ you can make is downplaying it. Saying that you’re sure everything will turn out fine, saying it’s not too bad because so-and-so has something even worse, saying that the sick person has to do so-and-so to avoid thinking about it. It’s like you can turn a switch so you just don’t think about it anymore. Moreover, at certain times the sick person has to think about the illness: about an examination or operation and what preparations he should make for this, about calling in domestic help, and much more. So not thinking about it is not really an option. Distraction is something else, we’ll get to that later.
Saying you don’t know what to say
The first reaction when you hear that someone is seriously ill is disbelief. You are dumbfounded. You see it as a problem that you don’t know what to say. But you can say that too. The sick person most likely reacted the same when hearing the diagnosis. When you hear that you are very seriously ill and might die, the ground is knocked away from under you. Now that you, as an ‘outsider’, hear the news, you actually have the same reaction. But you can just say that to the sick person! Just by saying it, the sick person feels strengthened in his feelings. After all: ‘shared sorrow is half the sorrow’. So just say it.
How are you now?
Moreover, ,I don’t know what to say, as the first sentence is often the opening for a conversation that starts automatically. Then you can ask: how are you doing now? Because you ask this question after you have said that you really don’t know what to say, the other person knows that your question is not the general ,Hey, how are you, question, but that you are really interested and the stories about the research, treatments and uncertainty.
Just act normal, as always
Don’t do anything differently than you normally do. Show your concern, but don’t exaggerate. Don’t be very thoughtful and lyrical about how sorry you are. Don’t behave differently. Don’t overwhelm the person with blah-blah talk, but listen if you notice that the person has something to say. Many people behave differently in such a situation, due to uncertainty. If you notice that you do that too, picture the image your relationship always was. Probably friendly, attentive, listening to each other. Based on that image, just behave as it always was, not differently.
contact is nice when you are sick / Source: Kaboompics Karolina, Pexels
No compelling advice, just a listening ear
We Westerners love giving advice. A problem requires a solution. It’s the same in a conversation. We even go so far as to say ,Oh, you have that problem? Then you have to… After which comes the well-intentioned advice, which sounds like an order because of the word ‘must’. The better you know each other, the better you can do that. the word ‘must’ and you will often not even notice it. In the case of a sick person it is better to listen first. The sick person often has enough to say. With the penetrating experiences of diagnosis and treatments and the associated feeling that you life is being shaken to its foundations, the person usually has enough to talk about it. Because talking also has a processing function. And shared sorrow is also half the sorrow. Therefore, avoid the word ‘must’ when you write. Rather ask a question .
Your stories are also wanted
The difficult experiences of the sick person seem to pale in comparison to your daily worries. Your job search or mortgage issues no longer seem important compared to the patient’s chemotherapy or other serious treatments. But strangely enough, your daily things are nice to hear. It gives the sick person the feeling that the world is still turning during the illness. That the world does not only consist of medical treatments anymore. That that world waits for that person until he or she resumes daily life after the illness. And that gives you a peace of mind. So definitely do it, and it’s what we said before: do what you always did, tell your stories.
Making an appointment offers distraction
Just because someone has become seriously ill does not mean that you can no longer meet up. A visit can provide a distraction from the small world in which the sick person has ended up now that work and other daily obligations are disappearing. It may even be possible to plan a joint outing between treatments! With chemotherapy there is a recovery period between the treatments, and this often offers, especially in the beginning, the opportunity to do something fun, such as visiting a museum or even a relaxing sauna visit.
How special do you make the sick person feel?
You may think: ‘very special!’. But interest and attention is different from showering someone with words, gifts and attention. Someone who previously went through life normally without seeking excessive attention already feels different and special because of being ill. But special in a weird way. If you go far beyond that, that feeling will only increase. In fact, your feelings for him/her should only confirm what your relationship already was. Being considerate and wanting to do something for someone else, even if someone is so ill and has something that you actually find quite scary. It is good to say that you want to do something for the sick person. But don’t exaggerate by saying that you will come running as soon as the sick person makes a sound. Firstly, you cannot live up to that, and secondly, it is not healthy to treat each other like this. The sick person can also see if they can make their own cup of tea. If he is really ill and that is not possible, more people can be called in to partially take care of him. You can’t arrange all that on your own. Read more about what you can do for the sick person in How do you deal with someone who has been diagnosed with cancer.
Experiences from other cases of illness
Everyone knows a story about someone with the same disease, the disease process and whether or not the sick person survives. The patient is usually not interested in those stories, at least not in the stories that do not end well. If you know of a case with a positive outcome, you can also first ask the sick person if he or she would like to hear such a story. When I was ill myself, I only wanted to hear stories about people who had a good outcome. In addition, all those stories quickly became too much of a good thing. An occasional anecdote was good to hear, but certainly not too much. In addition, I only liked the stories of people who had had the exact same disease as me. You can of course simply ask if the sick person would like to hear such an – in your opinion – uplifting story.
Healing, prognosis
You probably want to know whether the sick person will get better and what the prognosis is. But it’s better not to ask about that. The sick person may bring this up during the conversation, and if not, leave it alone. Also do not judge treatments or the treating physician. If you have the feeling that things are really going in the wrong direction, then you can at most ask something in the form of a question: ,Have you considered not being treated in a regional hospital, but transferring to a specialized hospital?, If you are very close to the sick person, such as a brother/sister or parent/child, or a close friend, then you can consider more specific advice. Realize that more people may have already preceded you with well-intentioned advice. Perhaps the sick person has had more than enough and can no longer hear advice. Keep that in mind.
What do I write on a card to wish you strength?
Now that you can empathize with the sick person a little better, it is also easier to write something, for example:
- that you are shocked by the message
- that you are very sorry and that you sympathize
- that you would like to do something to help
- possibly that you will call soon and that the sick person can also call you
- that you are curious how things are going now
- that you wish the sick person strength and success
See also the examples of texts on a card to a seriously ill person.
So don’t write:
- the question of whether the sick person will get better or whether things will no longer get better (read: whether the sick person will die)
- that everything will probably not be so bad – you don’t know that –
- that you are sure that everything will turn out well – you don’t know that either –
Doing something is better than doing nothing, even in this situation!
read more
- Examples of text on a card for a seriously ill person
- Choose a card to wish strength to a seriously ill person
- Breast cancer: how do I deal with it?
- To the sauna and breast cancer: is that possible?
- Dealing with someone who has been diagnosed with cancer