Starting a relationship is not that difficult, but maintaining a relationship is a completely different topic. Just look around you. One person has an argument with his family, the other has already had several friends, but loses them completely after a few weeks or months. What is the cause of that? It often revolves around very small things. One person has misunderstood the other, or has attached a very wrong and unpleasant meaning to a statement. One thing leads to another and after a while a solution is sometimes no longer possible. It often revolves around small misunderstandings that are not resolved. Too bad, because these can be prevented by being honest and asking about things that annoy you.
Social contact and attention are necessary
People are social beings. No one is born a hermit. Some people like to have few people around them, others enjoy a busy city with lots of traffic and people coming from all over the world. Building relationships also has to do with this, because those who do not need it and do nothing about it often find themselves completely alone in old age. Especially if you can no longer manage yourself easily. Providing attention is a way to strengthen social contact.
Superficial relationships are of little use
It is not about having as many relationships as possible, but about having at least a few very good relationships. This could be your partner, but also a few family members with whom you feel comfortable, or even a number of friends who will be with you through thick and thin. Who help you with problems and who are also happy to help you if they have problems themselves. Attention to the lives of others is therefore necessary.
The relationship with a life partner takes priority
Maintaining a relationship with a partner is one of the most important things in the social field. Not only the ,chemistry, must fit, but above all the loving attention for the other is of great importance. A partner who feels misunderstood, unappreciated, and unloved will quickly end the relationship.
Respecting the needs of others is necessary
Many relationships fail due to the inability to properly assess the needs of the other. Of course, that is not always easy and it is not to everyone’s liking. Sometimes it is also the partner who has too many wishes that the other cannot meet. However, it is often just thinking past each other. In addition, there is a big difference in the mindset and needs of men and women. This also often causes misunderstandings.
Examples of own projection
What you like yourself does not necessarily mean that someone else will like it. Someone who likes to go to the opera and takes his partner there without asking the other person, while he would rather go to Pinkpop that same weekend, is doing the wrong thing. Anyone who likes to go to the movies and gives their partner a voucher for two people for a movie in a cinema is doing themselves a favor. Maybe the other person too, but if you know that your partner prefers to watch a good movie quietly at home on the couch, it is better to look for another gift.
Trying to empathize does the other person a favor
To please the other person, you must try to empathize with the other person. In his or her actions, with his or her daily affairs and then see what you would like in the other person’s situation. That is already a step in the right direction. The other person will notice that attention and be grateful for it.
Empathy can be learned
Unfortunately, not everyone is given this capacity for empathy at birth or through upbringing, but those who want it and love others can do so after a short time. It’s about making the effort to look at the other person, what he/she is doing, what they laugh about and what they mind. Does the other person like flowers or not? For example, is his/her favorite color blue or red? All these things are easy to notice for people who care to pay attention.
Within relationships, talk about your wishes and ask about those of others
You can’t know everything, so ask others about that too. After all, as soon as you know the dreams, wishes and needs of the other person, you can do something with them. You can then better estimate which gift the other person will appreciate, where he/she likes to go on holiday and what the other person likes to eat or drink.
Show interest
Also show interest in the other person’s work, hobbies and friends and acquaintances. Even after a long time, you often discover things that you did not know about your partner, boyfriend or girlfriend. This interest often leads to the best conversations about all kinds of different topics.
Maintaining relationships means give and take
In relationships one must be able to give and take. Both directions are important, but giving reigns supreme. Give and take almost never seems to go in sync for everyone involved. Each of the two usually has the idea that he or she gives more than he or she receives. However, that should not matter, because the other person usually has the same feeling. One must therefore be willing to give more than take in a relationship. Only then will the relationship have a right to exist.
Be happy by giving
Giving has a pleasant side effect within a relationship. Giving something to someone else usually makes the giver happier. You have the feeling that you have done good to the other person and that usually creates satisfaction. It also gives you some extra attention from the other person and that also ensures that the relationship with that other person is maintained. People who never do anything for someone else will end up alone over time , because a relationship can never survive on one leg. It always takes two people who pay attention to each other and regularly please each other.
Don’t expect anything in return from others, so you won’t be disappointed
One often hears the statement: I have done so much for him, but now that I need it myself, I no longer see him. Actually that is an incorrect statement. Everything you give, you give with your heart. You give something (whether support or material things) because you want to give it to the other person. Not because the other person asked for it. This also means that in principle you cannot expect anything in return. After all, the other person is not obliged to do anything in return.
Those who desire nothing are often pleasantly surprised
If you give, but expect nothing in return, you will be surprised here and there by people who come to delight you with a bouquet of flowers, something tasty, help with an annoying job, and so on. After all, most people like to do something for others who they find pleasant company and/or who have already helped them. That is a nice bonus and also makes you happy.
Give without ulterior motives
However, if you expect something in return from the other person for every service rendered, you will certainly be disappointed, because that is not how it works. Everyone is responsible for their own actions. Whatever you do for someone else, do so from your own will and never under duress, but also without expecting anything from the other person in return. This will only make you better and happier and everything that comes to you from others will then be a gift that you did not expect.