Our society is becoming increasingly materialistic. Children today get a lot. What children need first and foremost, however, is a listening ear, parents who are strict and set boundaries. Today’s parents often want to be ‘friends’ to their children and are more likely to give in to the apple of their eye.
Parents past and present
There are important differences between parents of the past and present. The parents now often both work and have fewer children. They feel guilty more quickly because they are not always available for their children and therefore want to give them everything. They choose to spend more quality time with their children: shopping together, going to an amusement park together,
‘Hotel mama’
Because parents do everything for their children and are so kind to them, the children are less likely to leave the nest. In Flanders they speak of nestlings, in America they speak of boomerang children: children who return to live at home after their studies. They have never learned to desire anything. How can they then desire a life of their own with the associated responsibilities? Food for thought: the largest number of nesting nuthatches in Europe live in Flanders. In Flanders, unlike in the Netherlands, parents also pay for their children’s studies.
How did it come to this?
Materialism has accelerated since the 1960s, consumerism is almost compulsively imposed on us. It is becoming more difficult for today’s parents to resist all the temptations, especially because children largely determine their parents’ purchasing behavior. And of course parents don’t say NO often enough anymore.
Ways to spoil your child
Your child can be spoiled even without you giving it everything. In addition to material spoiling, there is also pedagogical spoiling (setting too few rules or not being consistent) and affective spoiling (overloading the child with affection in the wrong way).
Material pampering
Nowadays children are given gifts, sweets, all kinds of gadgets, without any occasion, without asking for it, even if they do not behave well. In that case they speak of hyperparents and in America of superparents. They do and buy everything for their children. We no longer have time for patience and we mirror what others have and do. We also sometimes buy things for our children to show them that we love them. But the child itself is much happier with a parent who shows this by going for a walk together, playing with it, reading to it, cuddling, etc.
Educational pampering
In this case, the parents do not take enough responsibility and give the child his or her way in everything. As a result, he does not learn to deal with boundaries and limitations. This has consequences for his development: he does not develop a sense of norms, is easily anxious, often dissatisfied, has little regard for others, and gets upset if everything does not happen immediately. It is no longer the parent who is in charge, but the child. It is important to let children do things themselves to learn to become independent.
Affective pampering
This is the most drastic way of pampering. It is unhealthy for the child if you shower him with affection unconditionally. This happens more quickly by parents who received little in their youth (materially and/or emotionally) or who live at odds with each other. They fear losing the love of the child.