The number of divorces has never been as high as it is today. No wonder. When partners are confronted with problems, their commitment is put to the test. Only then will it become clear whether they are prepared to go through thick and thin together with their partner. Financial problems in particular can cause enormous arguments. As soon as the income is no longer enough to pay the monthly costs and the debts slowly pile up, the situation often becomes untenable. This has usually been preceded by a number of difficult years. Luxury wishes, holidays and digital equipment are becoming out of reach due to the shortage of money. The partners often blame each other for overspending.
Causes of marital problems
The cause of a divorce is usually a combination of a number of factors. One of the partners may become ill or disabled and may even lose his or her job, making life very difficult for the other. If there are already children, the stress is even greater, because they also sometimes have to downsize considerably. Subscriptions, associations, leisure activities and the like usually have to be cut back. Necessary and annoying, which in turn causes problems with the children.
Partners who blame each other
Reproaches are often made as soon as things become financially difficult. For example, the partner should have taken better care to keep the job or to ensure that his/her business ran better. Or the other person is accused of having spent too much money, so that there is now no savings in the bank to absorb the setbacks. The accusations can be countless. Sometimes there is also a grain of truth in it, which means that the attacked partner has no defense, becomes depressed and withdraws from the conversation.
Leaving the partner with the problems alone
It is equally bad to leave the partner alone with all the problems. If one partner just continues as if nothing is wrong, the spending pattern remains the same and nothing is done to help cut costs, it can also become too much for the other. In a marriage, both partners should pull the cart. Often one will bear slightly more responsibility than the other, but in fact both partners should feel responsible for the affairs of their marriage and their family.
Ostrich politics of one of the partners is usually the beginning of the problems
It is very bad if one of the two partners covers up the problems. If the bills, reminders and reminders from the health insurer, the energy supplier and the rent or mortgage are put unopened at the bottom of a drawer, no one will know anymore how big the shortage is. The other partner will only find out when bailiffs show up on the doorstep. However, by then the gap is often too large and it is all the more difficult to catch up without outside help.
Drawing a line to the outside world
A line must also be drawn towards the outside world. Partners who are very down-to-earth in financial matters usually have no problem letting their family, friends and acquaintances know that things have to slow down for a while and large parties and barbecues cannot be held. Birthday presents can also be kept very small. As a result, social contacts are often maintained, despite the financial setbacks. In any case, it is better than not going to birthdays anymore because there is no money left for a present or small flowers.
Finding solutions to financial problems together
Anyone who encounters financial problems would do well to pull each other together. As long as the problems can be discussed together, the connection is usually maintained. Decide together on any cuts and also intensively look for solutions to the most pressing problems together. The bond of a couple that gets through a difficult period in this way is stronger and deeper afterwards than before. Only during difficulties does it become apparent whether their love for each other is great enough to last.
Leaving is not always the solution
Those who break a commitment because of financial problems and start living on their own often discover that this is not the solution. A divorce usually brings additional problems and even more financial problems than one already had before. For example, an owner-occupied home usually has to be sold if neither partner can bear the burden of the mortgage.
Children are the ,direct objects, in a divorce
In addition, it is a drama for the children. They love both parents and if one parent moves elsewhere, they feel abandoned, even though that parent tries to repair the loss as best as possible. Their safe world is broken open. The ground is swept away from under their feet.
Security and safety
Their security and safety are affected and they are often afraid of losing their other parent as well. They regularly feel that they may be the cause of the divorce due to their behavior. Sometimes they blame the remaining parent for the other’s departure, but usually the children themselves feel guilty for their parents’ divorce.
A safe home is necessary
That’s all a shame, because the feeling of a safe home is especially important for a child’s upbringing. This security and the realization that both parents will always support him provides a good basis from which children can become balanced adults. This does not mean that things will not go well in a family with one parent, but it is much more difficult for a parent to keep an eye on education in addition to a full-time job.
Financial problems can also make a bond stronger
Solving problems together makes a bond strong. In a good marriage, the partners support each other, take care of each other and together for their family. It does mean that one’s own interests regularly have to lose out, but if this happens on both sides, it does not have to cause any problems.
Who gives love
Those who give a lot of love usually receive a lot of love in return. In failed marriages, one of the two has often had to give too much for years and receive nothing or almost nothing in return. Such imbalances within a marriage are not good. Such a marriage can therefore usually no longer be saved in financially difficult times.
Also talk to the children about the financial dip
Involve the children in the austerity plan. Explain the situation in a simple way and let them think about the cuts and possible solutions. They will have fewer problems if something cannot go ahead if they have been involved in the decision themselves. Adolescents in particular can sometimes come up with very sensible ideas.
Children usually have a down-to-earth view of things
Children and young people sometimes have a very down-to-earth view of problems and occasionally come up with statements that older people can learn something from. Also expect them to have a social attitude towards you, your partner and the other children. This often strengthens the bond within the family, which is also beneficial for the parents’ marriage.