What can you do if you are being bullied by one or more colleagues at work? What reactions from management or human resources should you take into account if you want to discuss bullying in your workplace? What about, for example, misconceptions such as viewing the target as weak or guilty or partly to blame for the toxic atmosphere that has arisen? Or that ignoring the bullying or ‘buying off’ the bullying colleague is the best approach? Or the case in which the bully or bullies deny that they are systematically harassing and accuse the bullied person of inappropriate behavior? How can you dispel such misconceptions? And how do you prepare for a conversation about bullying in the workplace?
If you are being bullied by a colleague or a group of colleagues
Research has shown that approximately one in ten employees experience bullying in the workplace. That’s probably little comfort to those who are victims of bullying colleagues. It has been proven that in a company where bullying occurs, performance is lower and healthcare costs are higher. Yet management and human resources in general are reluctant to tackle bullying with word and deed.
If you are the only target, it is unlikely that management or human resources will want to do anything about it. This is unless the company has an active policy against bullying and preferably also has a bullying protocol. If you and some colleagues are the target of bullying by a certain annoying colleague or group of colleagues, you have a better chance of receiving effective support from your employer.
Have you been structurally bullied at work for a long time?
If a colleague has occasionally played a nasty trick on you over the past few weeks, for example because he or she sees you as competition for a nice position that will soon become available, this will undoubtedly be very annoying for you, but the question remains whether you That false behavior may be considered part of the type of bullying against which your employer may have developed a policy.
In order to be considered part of the type of bullying that is subject to policy , it is not only necessary that the harassing behavior has occurred several times, but also that this bullying takes place structurally over a longer period of time.
What good is a company policy against bullying?
Your employer is formally obliged under the Working Conditions Act (Article 4, paragraph 2) to implement a policy to protect employees against sexual harassment and against aggression and violence at work. Bullying falls under aggression and violence. If you’re lucky, the company you work for has an active anti-bullying policy. You are especially lucky if there is a protocol that is actually applied in the event of bullying in the workplace. However, in that case you also have to take into account that you will encounter a wall of misunderstanding or a passive attitude from management and/or human resources.
Despite all the nice policy regulations, bullying is often not seen as a problem of the company, but as a problem of the person being bullied. If other colleagues have also complained about a particular harasser, the chance of effective intervention from management is greater.
Common management misconceptions about workplace bullying
- ‘The target allows himself to be bullied’
- ‘Ignoring bullying is the best approach’
- ‘Buying off’ the bully
- ‘Where two quarrels, two are to blame’
- The word of the bully or colleagues carries more weight than that of the target
- The target of bullying is himself to blame for the situation that has arisen
‘The target allows himself to be bullied’
If you complain about bullying at work, you run the risk of being labeled a weakling or weakling. After all, at every resilience training you learn that you should not act as a victim and that you should not give others unwanted power over you.
Although there is some truth in this, such a reticent attitude ignores the social force field within an organization. Bullying is then not seen as a problem of the culture within the company , but as an isolated problem between two people, one of whom, namely the one who is being bullied and who therefore asks for help, is unable to manage his own affairs. .
‘Ignoring bullying is the best approach’
A human resources advisor or a member of the management team may wrongly assume that the bully’s unwanted behavior will stop if it is not addressed. It also happens that the personnel advisor or manager is afraid that he or she will become the target of bullying behavior. The problem with this ignoring attitude is that it is essentially a license for the bully to continue his behavior. The risk is that the problem will then become bigger and bigger, because the bully will not receive any signal from above that his behavior is unacceptable.
‘Buying off’ the bully
A management tactic that often works for the short term is to please the bully by offering him something he knows he wants. Thanks to this buying off of the problem, the annoying behavior often stops for some time, as the harasser temporarily has fewer feelings of displeasure that he wants to take out on one or more colleagues.
The problem with this apparent solution is that it has taught the bully that aggression pays off. And when his frustrations have reached the previous, higher level again, he will again take full advantage of one or more specific colleagues. Possibly, given his previous positive experiences with the outcome, his bullying behavior will escalate further in the hope of being positively rewarded again.
‘Where two quarrels, two are to blame’
A boss is often tempted to assume that the bully and his target are both to blame for the situation and that the victim has brought disaster on himself. Unfortunately, the chance that management or human resources believes that all the blame lies with the bully is small.
The word of the bully or colleagues carries more weight than that of the target
If you want to expose the bullying behavior of your colleague or colleagues, it is important that you are well documented. Otherwise, you run the risk that the response from your bullying colleague or colleagues will outweigh yours.
Also take into account the risk that the bully or bullies will accuse you of poor collegial behavior. Management is sensitive to such comments, unless you are known within the organization as a convinced team player.
If you are dealing with not one but several bullies at the same time, you can expect your employer to assume that the majority will be right. That bullying majority will likely deny the behavior of which it is accused and attempt to commit a character assassination of you.
If you have witnesses to bullying who express encouraging words to you in private, this does not mean that they will also want to do so to management or human resources, for fear that they too will become victims of the bullying.
The target of bullying is himself to blame for the situation that has arisen
A well-known phenomenon is that the roles of victim and perpetrator are switched. The target of the bullying is then declared guilty of the situation that has arisen. Maybe that sounds unlikely, but something similar happens not only to victims of bullying, but also to victims of sexual harassment. As a target you are then screwed twice: once by the bully and once by management.
So far a number of possible responses from management or human resources if you want to discuss bullying.
Make sure you know what to expect from a conversation about bullying in your workplace
If you have been bullied at work for a long time and you are considering talking to management or human resources about it, it is wise that you take into account their possible assessment of the situation and possible willingness to support you before such a conversation . It is also very important that you know what outcome you want from the conversation.
Remember that bullying colleagues who routinely look for a target to harass are usually not willing to give up this behavior after a good conversation with a human resources representative or manager. Also bear in mind that management is not always able or willing to dismiss or threaten to dismiss the person or people involved. Therefore, in many cases, if an understanding management is to help you, you are best off offering you a job elsewhere in the company at a similar level and with more or less similar views to yours.
If you are a member of a trade union, it is useful to prepare for such a conversation with your employer together with a representative of that trade union. The trade union sometimes has knowledge about the specific situation in a particular department or management of a particular company. In special cases, the union may offer you to enter into discussions with your employer together with one of its employees.
Therefore, make sure you have an answer ready to any questions such as: ‘Why do you think you are the target of bullying?’, but especially to the question: ‘What do you want us as an employer to do for you?’
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- Solutions to workplace bullying