Many couples lie awake at night because they are bothering each other. This could be due to a snoring partner or a partner who tosses and turns all night. When you sleep alone, you sleep deeper, longer and often better. Especially if you have a busy life, it is important to wake up rested. There is still a big taboo on sleeping separately. Yet there are many couples who have a good relationship, but sleep separately. Only most people don’t dare to admit this yet.
Separate bedrooms
After the LAT relationship (Living Apart Together), there is now also the SAT relationship (Sleeping Apart Together). You live together in the same house, but in separate bedrooms. For some the ideal way to live together. For a number of couples, an SAT relationship is an involuntary choice, because one of the partners cannot fall asleep next to the other. Waking up may be lonely, but it’s a lot better for your night’s sleep and your mood.
Reasons to sleep separately
People who sleep separately have a reason for this: they are bothered by each other. People who have difficulty sleeping can especially suffer from their partner. Although there is still a huge taboo, more and more couples are making this decision. Our lives are becoming increasingly busy, and a good night’s sleep is important. When you sleep alone, you sleep more deeply. It may also be that one of the partners has to get up very early, while the other likes to read or watch TV in bed until 2 a.m. There are a number of main reasons for sleeping apart:
Snoring
In addition to irritation, your partner’s snoring can also lead to a lack of sleep. Before you decide to sleep separately, you may be able to do something about your snoring. Tips against snoring are:
- Do not lie your head too high (one pillow is sufficient)
- Keep an eye on your weight
- Don’t drink too much alcohol
- Ventilate the bedroom well
- The partner may benefit from using earplugs
Tossing and turning
People may also not be able to sleep well because of their tossing and turning partner. This can be especially difficult if you are a light or difficult sleeper. Every time your partner turns around, you wake up.
Children
What is less of a taboo is being kept awake by children who cry at night or cannot sleep. It often happens that one of the parents sleeps with the child or that a parent swaps places with the child. This is seen as a temporary situation, a situation of force majeure, which makes it less of a taboo.
Switch to another bed during the night
There are also people who choose to nap together in one bed and one of the partners leaves the bed during the night because the other is awake. This way you prevent yourself from tossing and turning and thus keeping others awake as well as yourself. If you have a bed available in another bedroom, for example the guest room, you can sleep there for the rest of the night. This often takes as much effort as going to the toilet at night. After lying down for a few minutes, you fall asleep again.
Influence on relationship
A romantic ideal is that you sleep together in one bed and wake up deeply entwined with each other. That’s how we see it in movies. This does not take into account your partner’s sleeping limbs, stiff neck and bad morning breath. The message on TV is clear: if you love each other, then you find it nice, warm, cozy and desirable to fall asleep next to each other and wake up next to each other. This may also apply to a number of couples. In that case, they are easy sleepers who are not bothered by each other in bed. You may miss the arm around you or the feeling of being together, but that’s better than having a grumpy partner sitting across from you during breakfast.
If you are already a difficult sleeper yourself, your partner will bother you more. Especially if you stay in bed together, develop a lack of sleep, become more irritable, it is bad for the relationship. There are even couples who have broken up because of their partner’s snoring. By sleeping separately and being well rested, you can be better there for each other during the day. It can therefore be very good for the relationship to sleep separately. You may even have to agree to this in a relationship.
Sleep hygiene
If you have trouble sleeping, you can try working on your sleep hygiene, which may make it possible to sleep next to your partner (more often). If you follow these rules, you may be less bothered by a partner lying next to you. Try the tips below to sleep better:
- Go to bed at regular times
- Don’t take naps in between because this will mess up your rhythm
- Make sure you get enough relaxation before you go to sleep
- Don’t watch TV in bed or use the computer
- Pay attention to the temperature in the bedroom. A cool room is better than one that is too hot
- Do not drink too much in the evening because there is a good chance that you will wake up more often because you have to urinate
- Do not eat heavy meals within four hours of going to sleep
- Do not exercise intensively too late in the evening because this activates your body
- Make sure you wake up with enough light in the morning and gradually reduce the amount of light in the evening
- Make sure you have a good mattress and a well-fitting pillow
Influence on sex life
People don’t like to admit that they sleep separately because people around them think that the relationship is not going well. The idea that co-sleeping is part of a good, happy and stable relationship is unique to our Western culture. Many couples are intimate with each other when they go to bed together or wake up together. Sleeping separately does not have to have a negative impact on sex life. You can always go to one bed together and go to the other bed after you have made love, or fall asleep together first. If you prefer to do this in the morning, crawl into bed together after you wake up. You enjoy your love life more when you are well rested and it can even blossom as a result.
read more
- Sleep deprivation and its impact on your health
- Causes of snoring
- Relationship problems due to lack of sleep
- Forms of insomnia: causes and what to do?
- Relationship problems due to lack of intimacy