Making telephone calls is not easy for everyone. Some people can get really upset when their phone rings. Especially when an unknown number appears on the display, a true panic reaction can arise. Even if they have to call a person or agency, this can cause a lot of stress. They will be inclined to postpone the conversation or even avoid the telephone conversation altogether, which will only increase the tension. For someone with a phone phobia, it takes a lot of energy to muster up the courage to pick up the phone and actually call. What is it that makes telephoning so difficult for people with telephone phobia? What are possible symptoms of phone anxiety? And what treatments are available to reduce the fear of calling?
- We call less and less often
- What is a phobia?
- Forms of telephone anxiety
- Fear of calling
- Fear of being called
- The possible impact of a telephone phobia on someone’s life
- What factors can make telephoning so exciting?
- There is no non-verbal communication
- Colleagues listening in
- Other people judge
- Harassing people
- No time and opportunities to improve
- Possible symptoms of a telephone phobia
- Symptoms of telephone anxiety
- Behaviors associated with telephone anxiety
- Tips to reduce your phone anxiety yourself
- Don’t see yourself as someone who is disruptive
- A good preparation
- Practice calling a friend
- What can happen?
- Get professional help for phone anxiety
We call less and less often
In the current era, we increasingly make (impersonal) contact with other people, which means that calling and receiving calls plays an increasingly less important role in both our social and business contacts. After all, it is very common to send business contacts and colleagues an email with your question or the explanation that the person in question asked for. We increasingly approach our acquaintances and friends via various social media. In 2018, we let people know via Facebook what we have done, often including photos and emoticons that reflect our emotional experience of the event. If we want to arrange something with people we know, we send a message via text message or WhatsApp. Making appointments with a hairdresser, reserving a table in a restaurant or booking tickets for an event can usually also be arranged online. All very easy and user-friendly, but when do we actually call? On the one hand, all these online options seem ideal for people with a telephone phobia, because they can often avoid their greatest fear through these means of communication. The counterpart is that the fear of telephone is partly maintained because they call very little. So they rarely practice and will only call or answer their phone when they really feel they have no other choice. The phobia will then most likely persist and not decrease.
What is a phobia?
We speak of a phobia when someone experiences an excessive form of fear in certain situations or things. This could, for example, concern a specific animal or certain weather conditions. The characteristic of a phobia is that the degree of fear that the person experiences is completely out of proportion to the danger present. The person who suffers from a phobia is usually aware that the fear he feels when exposed to the situation or object that frightens him is unreal or at least excessive. A telephone phobia therefore also falls into the category of unrealistic fears, because what danger is there when using the telephone? What can happen when you call or receive a call? People with phone anxiety know this all too well. However, the body reacts completely oppositely.
Forms of telephone anxiety
Phone anxiety can be divided into two forms, namely the fear of calling and the fear of being called. Sometimes these variants exist separately, but often the person suffering from this phobia has to deal with tension in both cases. One form may evoke more fear than the other.
Fear of calling
Sometimes it is necessary to call an agency. People who are afraid to call will postpone this moment as long as possible. The thought alone makes them break into a sweat. They may run various scenarios through their minds in advance, endlessly rehearse the possible course of the conversation and make notes to prevent them from falling silent during the conversation and no longer knowing what to say.
Fear of being called
For some people, the fear of being called may be even more difficult than calling themselves. When you receive a call, especially from someone who does not provide number information, you do not have time to prepare. You also have no idea who is calling you and what they are calling about. This creates a total lack of control, which can make someone very insecure. It will often be decided not to answer. The disadvantage is that the person with telephone anxiety will keep thinking about who may have called. There will also be a fear that the person will call again, which means that someone with this phobia will no longer be able to relax and will constantly keep an eye on the phone anxiously.
The possible impact of a telephone phobia on someone’s life
You will understand that the fear of talking on the phone can have a major impact on someone’s life. First, someone with phone anxiety will be constantly on edge, because you don’t always know in advance when someone will decide to call you. Also in many positions at work he will be expected to make calls or at least answer the phone occasionally, which significantly reduces the possibilities of finding a suitable job. If he does have a job, he will often be tense during work because of the fear of having to make phone calls. Especially when your colleagues and employer are not aware of the phobia. Social life can also become more difficult, because chatting on the phone is not an option.
What factors can make telephoning so exciting?
Even though it is not always clear where exactly a phobia comes from or how exactly it arose, there are a number of lines of thought that make calling difficult for someone with a telephone phobia, things that distinguish calling from other forms of contact.
There is no non-verbal communication
Unlike when you talk to someone face-to-face, you cannot read someone’s posture during a telephone conversation. You have to rely solely on the words someone says and the intonation of the voice of the person on the other end of the line. You don’t see a facial expression that tells you whether someone is interested in what you have to say or whether the message is being understood. This can make people who do not like to call very insecure.
Colleagues listening in
When you have to make a phone call in the office, you may feel like everyone is listening in the same room as you. This is often the case. It’s difficult to ignore someone who is calling right next to you. Your colleagues’ attention will often unintentionally focus on your telephone conversation. For someone who is already insecure about making a call, this factor can make having a phone conversation even more difficult.
Other people judge
If you are aware that colleagues are listening in on your conversation, you may be afraid that they will judge the way you conduct the conversation. Do they notice that your voice is shaking? That there are awkward silences? That the sweat is in your hands? What will they think about this? Such thoughts make someone with a phone phobia even more anxious.
Harassing people
You may be afraid that you are bothering someone. This thought can occur during outgoing calls. You cold call someone and may interrupt what they are doing. This can make you feel aggrieved and may be a reason, on top of all others, to postpone or even avoid the phone call altogether.
No time and opportunities to improve
A major advantage of sending an email or a message via WhatsApp is that you have plenty of time to think about how you are going to express what you want to say. Once you have typed the text, you can read it again and correct it if you deem it necessary. In a telephone conversation you cannot take back words once said. You also cannot predict in advance what the other person is going to say, so you don’t really have the chance to prepare properly. This lack of control can cause a lot of anxiety and tension.
Possible symptoms of a telephone phobia
There are many different symptoms possible with telephone anxiety, just like with other fears. Extreme anxiety will have a different expression for everyone, both psychologically and physically.
Symptoms of telephone anxiety
Physical tension complaints that can occur due to fear of calling include:
- Palpitations
- Disturbed breathing
- Moist hands
- Vibrating voice
- Dry mouth, difficulty swallowing
- Nausea
- Dizziness
Behaviors associated with telephone anxiety
There are also certain behaviors that are characteristic of someone with a telephone phobia. These include:
- Wait a long time before answering
- Give short answers
- Giving illogical answers out of tension
- Difficulty getting your words out
- Stuttering
- Try to end the conversation as quickly as possible
If you recognize one or more of the above symptoms, you may be suffering from telephone anxiety.
Tips to reduce your phone anxiety yourself
If you find it difficult to make calls, some tips may help you reduce the unpleasant feeling associated with calling someone.
Don’t see yourself as someone who is disruptive
If you call an agency, you may find it easier to hold on to this thought. You do not disturb. After all, the person who answers the phone is paid to answer it. That person was hired to speak to people like you. If you call family or friends, you can always ask if you are calling at a convenient time. If not, they will probably tell you. In most cases you will not be disturbed.
A good preparation
Preparation only works if you are the one who will call an agency or person. You know why you’re going to call someone. What do you want to know? What do you want to agree on? For example, if you are going to call because you want to make an appointment with your dentist, make sure that before you call you have written down the times when the appointment would suit you. When the assistant comes up with a proposal, you don’t have to quickly look through your agenda to see what the options are. This can save you a lot of stress.
Practice calling a friend
Practice makes perfect. If you have a friend who is aware of your difficulties with making and receiving calls, you can arrange for him to call you sometime in the next few days. He doesn’t tell you exactly when he’s going to do this. This way you can learn to deal with the unexpected. The advantage of practicing with someone you trust is that it is not a big deal if the conversation does not go as you had hoped. If you are at a loss for words, a good friend will certainly understand. Don’t you remember? Then you try again at another time.
What can happen?
People with a phobia know that their fear is out of proportion to the impending danger. Someone with a telephone phobia also knows this. Think as realistically as possible about what would really be the worst thing that could happen. That you were unable to answer someone’s question? That you were unable to make an appointment? That there is silence during the conversation? Or that you feel uncomfortable? These situations can be experienced as annoying, but realize that each of them can be resolved quite easily or even pass by themselves. They don’t mean the end of the world.
Get professional help for phone anxiety
Are you unable to reduce your phone anxiety yourself and do you notice that this anxiety is affecting your life? Then seek help. There are various forms of therapy that can help treat fears and phobias. An example of this is cognitive behavioral therapy. With this form of therapy, you and your therapist will examine the thoughts you have about making telephone calls. The negative, non-real thoughts will be transformed into more realistic thoughts. When the severity of the disaster scenarios in your head decreases, your feelings will eventually become less intense. Another example is exposure therapy. As the name of this therapy indicates, this form mainly revolves around exposure. You will be encouraged to do what you fear. In the case of a telephone phobia, this means calling or receiving a call. During this direct confrontation you go through your fear, as it were, and you experience that nothing bad can really happen. In some cases, therapy is offered in combination with medication. Which method is most suitable varies per person and per situation.