The word manipulate has negative connotations for many people. Yet every person manipulates every day. By communicating with other people you consciously or unconsciously influence others. Manipulation can therefore also be very positive. How can you learn to manipulate in a positive way?
What is manipulation?
To manipulate is to subtly influence others. You use unconscious channels. As soon as you come into contact with other people, you influence them. To a large extent this happens unconsciously. You influence that person not only by what you say to someone else, but also by your body language, the intonation of your voice or your attitude towards the other person. This all falls under manipulation.
Conscious manipulation
Commerce thrives on manipulation. As consumers, we are confronted with many advertising messages every day, which continuously show us how good life will be if you purchase their product. On television, the Internet and social media, we are presented with a world that we would like to emulate. All this is riddled with manipulation. Yet we do not only experience this way of manipulation as negative. As long as the intention with which someone manipulates is good, people do not experience this as bad.
Positive influence through manipulation
In order to consciously influence someone else, it is important that you delve into that person’s wishes and needs. Listen carefully to the other person’s goals and motivations and respond to them. The people where you tailor your words and actions to their wishes and expectations are more likely to give you their trust. How do you learn to manipulate others in a positive way?
Control yourself
In order to have control over others, you must first have control over yourself. You can achieve this by:
- Get to know yourself better
- Gain control over your own emotions
Get to know yourself
In order to influence others, it is important to first gain a good understanding of yourself. Do some research on your own:
- Thoughts
- Feelings
- To trade
- Personal contacts
- Needs
- Driving forces
- Goals
By doing self-examination you become more aware of your thoughts, feelings, actions, needs, motivations and goals.
Learn to manipulate your emotions
Body language has more influence on others than words. If what you say is not confirmed by the body language you show, people will not find it credible.
Example: If someone is internally boiling with anger, but says it is no problem, body language and words contradict each other. More faith is then placed in what someone radiates than in what that person says.
You can learn to control emotions in such a way that your body language does not immediately reveal your emotions. In itself, showing emotions is positive. This makes you appear involved and sensitive to the other person . If you give someone bad news and you don’t show any emotion, you come across as uninterested. Yet it is important to keep your emotions under control in many cases.
Example: if you go to look at a house with a real estate agent and you are super enthusiastic about it, don’t let this show too much. It makes your negotiating position a lot weaker.
Through good self-presentation you can positively influence the effect you have on others. Through self-examination and awareness of your own emotions you gain better control over yourself. This has a positive effect on the control you can exercise over others.
Control over others
In the first contact you make with someone, the first impression is very important. People first judge you on your appearance and presentation. People naturally make assumptions based on these outward appearances. Character traits are linked to these characteristics. Information that comes in through our senses is sorted and combined.
Example: someone who looks neat is more likely to be seen as ,intelligent, and ,trustworthy, than someone with an unkempt appearance.
If you want to consciously manipulate others, it is important to make use of the first impression you leave on others. You can positively influence people with your appearance and presentation alone.
Information that enters our brain is often incomplete and unstructured. Our brain supplements that information based on logical assumptions and expectations. By making certain suggestions to others, you can influence the expectations that the other person has of you.
Example: you can give the impression to your employer that you show a lot of effort by getting to work as soon as you arrive , organizing your work inefficiently, making others wait, eating your lunch at your desk or show that you are stressed.
The image you show to the other person does not match reality, but by making assumptions about the other person you suggest that you are extremely committed to your work. Expectations do not always appear to be objective.
With your expectations you can influence others in such a way that they will adapt to your expectations. This is called the Pygmalion effect.
Example: a football coach was given ten children to train. He had been told about five children that they had talent. The other five were much less talented. This was not actually the case. The so-called ,talented, children were chosen at random. After a number of months, the children who were labeled as ,talented, appeared to have made more progress than the other children. Due to the trainer’s expectations, he had unconsciously adjusted his behavior towards the ,talented, children.
A number of important aspects to gain trust from others are:
- Arouse sympathy
- Listening well
- To collaborate
- Mirror
- Improve your image
- Manipulation techniques
Arouse sympathy
If people like you, they will have more trust in you and you can manipulate them more easily. Some ways to gain sympathy from others are:
Being considerate of others. Attention, appreciation and interest in others creates sympathy. Being there for someone. Presence and the feeling of being there for the other person creates sympathy.
Use of small talk. Creating a relaxed atmosphere through a light-hearted opening conversation creates sympathy.
Listening well
People often appreciate it more when someone is a good listener than a good talker. By listening to someone with concern, you create trust and can exert more influence on the other person. Active listening is not only done with your ears, but also with your posture, eye contact, affirmative nods and through your voice (humming). By using body language, you can still direct the conversation without talking yourself. You can influence the conversation just by making eye contact or breaking it. Repeating what the other person says (parroting) also influences the course of the conversation.
Example: conversation partner says: I’m going to the zoo for a day next week? Response: next week? The other will then discuss the moment when he will go to the zoo. For example, he will say: yes, I think I will go next Tuesday.
Response: to the zoo? Then the other person will comment on the fact that he is going to the zoo. For example, he will say: yes, I think I’m going to Artis. Depending on which part of the sentence you repeat, the speaker will elaborate on this part. This way you manipulate the direction of the conversation.
To collaborate
By working together with the people you want to get something done, you will achieve more than if you compete with others. If things are not going well, try to solve it with humor. Try to put things into perspective. This improves the appearance you have to others. Compliment others regularly. People are sensitive to that. Find out what the other person’s strengths are or his special qualities. Emphasize those qualities by regularly complimenting them. Selflessly offer your services to someone else. There’s a good chance that the other person will want to do something for you in return. This is the unwritten law of reciprocity. Make sure you can call people by name, they will feel your commitment and will want to do more for you.
Mirror
By mirroring the other person’s behavior, they will recognize themselves in you. This creates a bond and offers opportunities to gain the other person’s trust. Mirroring can be done in different ways, through the posture, movements, intonations or words you use. To belong to a certain group, you can even choose to adjust your clothing choice accordingly.
Be careful not to mirror excessively, because if this becomes noticeable, the other party will feel uncomfortable and this will have a negative effect.
Improve your image
Make sure you are visible to the people whose trust you want to gain. Make yourself popular by standing out more. If you have a positive appearance, dress well and regularly contact the people around you, you will stand out in a more positive way. Avoid negativity.
Manipulation techniques
Judo tactics: Initially move along with the other person, even if you do not completely agree. It will then be easier to get your own ideas through.
Manipulate information flow: people make decisions based on the information they have received. By providing information one-sided, you can manipulate those decisions. This is often used in advertising.
An impossible proposal: by making a proposal that you know will be impossible to approve, you confuse your conversation partner . By then offering an alternative, your actual wish, you have a chance that the other person will agree to this more easily.