Hurrah! Your child has turned four and can go to primary school. One child will experience this as a celebration and the other would have preferred to stay at home with mom and dad for a few more years. But also as a parent a new period is dawning. Not only does your child suddenly make enormous developments, but as a parent you also suddenly have to navigate the web of parents on the schoolyard.
The first beginning
You often enter the world of the schoolyard halfway through the school year. Everything is new for both you and your child. All parents seem to have known each other for years and if you are not overflowing with self-confidence and don’t know anyone yet, you may wonder how this will ever work out. Give it time and take some time with your child in the first few weeks. After all, that’s what you come for, so don’t lose sight of that. As time goes by, you will increasingly notice that you have a chat with another parent when you drop off or pick up your child and before you know it you are no longer alone.
What are your expectations?
Something you may never have thought about and for many it will not be necessary. Yet it is sometimes useful to know what your expectations are to avoid disappointment.
I come for my child(ren) and the occasional chat is welcome, but not necessary
This is probably the most relaxed expectation. If you can have this image of the schoolyard, then your self-confidence is good and in all likelihood you will not read this article. These parents are somewhere different on the schoolyard every day. Talk to everyone or stand alone and as soon as they have completed their child(ren), they pack their things together and go home.
They are really there for the children and have few expectations from the other parents.
The parents who have a chat together every day
The safety of a permanent group. A group often forms very naturally. We click with certain parents, the children sit together in class or the children often play together. You meet each other every time for a special reason. So you see these groups all over the square. When the children are out, they often play and chat for a while and then go home.
I’m looking for friends to have coffee with when my child(ren) are at school
Something you can’t plan in advance, but if you expect it and it doesn’t happen, it can be quite disappointing! If you are really looking for a best friend, don’t automatically expect to find him on your child’s schoolyard. If it happens, it’s a bonus, but something like that can’t be planned.
How do you survive?
Sometimes the schoolyard with parents looks like a secondary school. Parents also gossip, chat and ignore each other. They don’t even shy away from common arguments. The only thing you can do is remain yourself as much as possible and make your own plan. You are in the schoolyard for your child(ren) and that is the most important thing. In a place where many people come together, you simply cannot have all like-minded people.
Playdates
When you are just feeling comfortable with the whole school thing, your son or daughter will come and ask if someone can come and play or perhaps take it a step further, if they can play somewhere else. What is self-evident to one person may raise many questions for another.
Play dates at home
- Preschoolers often still play next to each other and need a lot of guidance. So something you can think about is how often you want to do that per week. Also for your child.
- How long is enough? This will also differ per play date. They can play for hours with one friend and have constant arguments with the other.
- On long school days, so when the kids are out after 3:00 PM, 5:00 PM is often a good time to have the friend picked up. Opinions differ on short days, when the children are out around 12:00. So make clear agreements so that you know where you stand. But from 12:00 to 15:00 is often a very long time for the children themselves.
- Accessibility! It is always useful to have the phone number of the friend who is coming to play. If something unexpected happens, you can call the parents. It is also useful if the parents have your number. If something happens to them that makes them need you, they can always reach you.
Playdates with a friend
The biggest fear of many parents. Where is my child? Do the parents take good care of them? Is it clean? With all the nasty reports in the media, it often remains a difficult subject, but you still have to have confidence. Assume that all parents want the best for their own children and will also do their best for your child, although this may be in a different way than you are used to. The first few times it may be difficult to let go, but you get used to this quickly. Make sure you are available and that you know where to pick up your child.
And lastly: Enjoy the next eight years of school!