Guiding children’s friendships

Do you want to be my boyfriend? Friendship is an important condition for the social and emotional development of children. Children get to know themselves better and learn to put themselves in the shoes of others. Friendship can sometimes arise very smoothly and spontaneously, but sometimes you can also help them along the way. Friendships are important for every child, it is fun, gives self-confidence, you learn how to get along with each other and your child also learns from himself. The purpose of friendship is not to have as many friends as possible, but to experience that it can be nice and that you can also choose. Not all friendships are the same, some change friends all the time and other children only have one or two best friends. You can support and encourage your child in this, but friendship cannot be forced.

The function of friendship

Source: Cherylholt, Pixabay

Being together in a safe environment.
For relaxation. Friendship helps against stress.
Getting to know yourself better.
Sharing feelings and experience.
It protects them from the sometimes angry outside world. Other children help you with unpleasant events.

Characteristics of friendships

Children from three years old

The child pays particular attention to whether the friend enjoys the same activities and is easily accessible.
The child changes friends.
Children look for playmates for play or an activity.
No distinction in gender.
Not maintaining intimacy yourself.

Characteristics of children aged seven to twelve years

The most important intimacy remains the home situation.
Children are more focused on establishing and maintaining intimacy with others.
Boyfriends and girlfriends change less often.
The children prefer to interact with their own gender.
With the boys it is more about doing something together, physical play.
With the girls it is more about talking together.
Acceptance by peers will play a much larger role.

Coach

You don’t have to worry that a child only has one or two good friends. Sometimes this is better than having a lot of friends where they are not really friends and the bond is not nearly as close. It is annoying when the child says that he has no friends. This can of course have many causes: Does the child often argue, is he bullied, is he shy? You can help the children along, but you are not supposed to push them. Young children in particular often change friends and think more about themselves. They can also play very well alone, but will reconnect later.

Firstly, it is important to know and assess the child’s capabilities and situation. You have children who are sensitive and children who are adventurous or dutiful. You help children by stimulating them, making and maintaining contacts, giving feedback on the way they do this and advising them in different situations. Show interest in the children’s friends.

Of course, you set an example for the children and teach them the usual manners. Children adopt the values and norms and compare themselves with others.

Encouraging friendships

Encourage joint activities through board games or eating and drinking together.
Sometimes let them have their way with each other, give them freedom.
Making agreements is also part of friendship. You also have to keep a play date.
Arguing is also part of friendship. Talk about it and let them look for solutions to make things right.
The environment can be very different for a child. He may deal with friendships very differently at home than at school or daycare. It is therefore not a problem to stay with them if something is new to them and to guide them more intensively.
Don’t push or force too much. This can only be counterproductive, especially at a later age.
If children are new to a group, it is good to organize a number of introductory games. This way they get to know each other’s names and come into contact with others.

Bullying at school
How do I give good compliments?

my view on