Honor killing is the restoration or regaining of the lost moral family honor by killing the person guilty of the loss, after the loss of honor has taken place. According to the United Nations, five thousand women are murdered worldwide every year in the name of family honor. They are the victims par excellence of honour-related violence. But who are the perpetrators? Who commits the murders in the name of family honor? How do they work?
Honor and violence
Definitions of terms related to honor-related violence
- Blood feud: a family or tribe has the right to avenge a death from its own ranks on the perpetrator or another member of his family;
- a blood feud or vendetta: is an endless conflict in which families kill people back and forth. A blood feud can continue for generations;
- Honor killing: is the restoration or regaining of the lost moral family honor by killing the person guilty of the loss, after a loss of honor has occurred. In an honor killing, the moral family honor is avenged. The violation of the moral family honor carries the same weight, or even more weight, than a murder or manslaughter;
- Insult: deliberately hurting another person or his family. In an honor culture, insult is the perfect way to get some kind of angry response. The moral family honor is the most sensitive subject for insults;
- Gossip: is an indirect and often untargeted way to offend people. The risk is that honor is lost through gossip. Gossip is also a consequence of loss of honor;
- A rape: apart from the suffering for the woman in question, it is also a disaster for the family. Rape means that the men have not sufficiently protected the woman. In addition, there are not many men who want to marry a stained woman. Rape can be an act of revenge;
- Elopement: is the kidnapping of a girl (and sometimes a married woman) by a boy for the specific purpose of forcing a marriage;
- Honour-related violence: is any form of mental or physical violence, committed from a collective mentality in response to a (threat of) violation of the honor of a man or woman and therefore of his or her family of which the outside world is aware is or is likely to be affected.
Honour-related violence in the Netherlands
Honor-related violence in the Netherlands is not only a matter for Turks, Afghans, Iranians, Iraqis, Pakistanis and Kosovars, but also for Moroccans and Surinamese Hindustani. However, in Moroccan people it more often leads to rejection. In the case of repudiation, the person who has been disowned no longer exists for the family. Among Hindus, matters of honor often end in suicide or an attempted suicide. If a daughter has lost her virginity or has been compromised in some other way, she may be pressured to commit suicide.
It turns out that honor-related violence is unfortunately not isolated events and that honor-related violence does not disappear as quickly as hoped. The second and third generations also consider family honor to be very important. This may be because migrants are often inclined to adhere strongly to the norms and values of the country of origin.
The Dutch culture is completely different from that of the country of origin. Traditional immigrants have a hard time with this. The most important value they have, the chastity of women, plays no role here. By preventing their daughters from being influenced by what they consider to be a pernicious society, they are stricter towards their daughters than in their country of origin. As long as the position of migrants in the Netherlands does not improve, traditional immigrant men will continue to derive their status from the chastity of their female relatives. The fact remains that their position will not change quickly and that the gap between immigrants and natives is widening, which is partly why honor-related violence could become an increasing problem in the Netherlands.
Forms of violence
The consequence of different views between husband and wife may be that over time the husband begins to hit (more) and makes more serious threats. The reason for this is usually that the woman is becoming Dutchified according to the man. This has a negative connotation because people associate it with normless behavior.
Physical violence or abuse is spoken of when a woman’s physical integrity is violated. Sexual violence is the forcible submission or performance of sexual acts. Intimidation is any means used to force behavior. There is often an interaction .
It is humiliating and threatening for any woman to be beaten. It’s even more threatening when you never know when it might erupt, when it happens unexpectedly. The elusiveness and incomprehensibility of the ‘reasons’ is a factor that makes the situation increasingly problematic. Hitting and its acceptance do not appear to be a culture-bound phenomenon.
Sexual violence is not primarily about anger on the part of the man or wrong behavior on the part of the woman, but about claims based on love and duty. In addition to sexual violence within a marriage or relationship, which occurs more often than is thought, there can also be sexual violence by a known perpetrator with whom there is no (marital) relationship. Sexual violence by an unknown perpetrator is a phenomenon that few care providers hear from Turkish and Moroccan girls or women. If a girl is raped and it is at all possible (for example, he must be Muslim), a marriage with the man in question who raped her is sought. Entering into a marriage is then a way to erase the shame. If this is not possible, then the honor of the family is at stake.
Upbringing and background
Most Turkish and Moroccan girls grow up with the image that they will later get married and become a mother. In order to enter into a good marriage and thus participate in society, honorable behavior is a requirement.
There is a big difference between arranged and forced marriages. In an arranged marriage, the parents do a kind of preliminary research into a potential marriage partner for their daughter or son. The girl involved can also decide not to marry this suitor. In a forced marriage, the girl must marry the candidate, even if she absolutely does not want to do so. Girls sometimes try to avoid being forcibly married by running away.
Views on male-female relations are mainly that he provides the income and she takes care of the household and the children. In a marriage, the views of the woman, the man and the environment come together.
Family
Family members can be disowned. This means that family and tribe members bear no responsibility for the actions of the rejected person and that there is no longer any obligation to protect this family member. Repudiation goes so far that people who inquire about an outcast are told that there never was a daughter or son with that name.
The children born in the Middle East are born into their father’s family. Their mother also became a member through her marriage. In traditional culture, men, but especially women, only have sexual contact within marriage. Marriage is the solution to problems with moral family honor. If a girl marries after sexual contact, even though everyone knows what happened, the threat of honor killing is eliminated. This is because the responsibility for the girl is transferred to the in-laws. When people divorce, the woman returns to her own family. Many families are not looking forward to the renewed acceptance of responsibility for their daughter, especially if the ex-husband rightly or wrongly accuses her of misconduct. Complications in the relationship with the ex-husband often arise when a new man comes into play. In the culture of the Middle East there is separation of the sexes. This means that men and women live and function in physically different areas.
Victims
The lives of young women from traditional families are most profoundly affected by honor morals. Young girls from traditional families form the weakest group in our society: because they are immigrants, the Dutch often do not take them for granted; because they belong to the working class, they do not count in our society; because they are women, their own community does not take them seriously and because they are a young girl, they are at the bottom of the hierarchy in their family. Powerlessness leads to self-destructive behavior.
An elopement can cause problems with the family if the boy is not a Muslim. In extreme cases, the family may decide to kill the loved ones or one of them.
If the woman is married, she should obey the man. Adultery or the suspicion of adultery is an important reason for honor-related violence. Becoming a mother, and especially a mother of sons, is very important. If a woman does not become pregnant, she can be sent back to her own family and the family honor is damaged. When a woman is abused and her freedom is seriously restricted and cannot accept this, she may decide to leave her husband. If she has taken the children with her or enters into a relationship with another man, she runs an increased risk of being murdered. Divorced women must be extra careful and not cause offense in any way by overly promiscuous behavior, otherwise gossip will break out. Widows must also be careful. In many cases they cannot simply marry another man. The woman is therefore still his property even after the death of her husband.
Resistance to beatings and forced sexuality
In marital relationships, power can manifest itself both overtly and covertly. When one of the two partners openly makes changes within a marital relationship and when open conflicts occur, this is called manifest power. Latent power exists if, for example, one anticipates the needs and wishes of the more powerful partner, if one has no wishes for change, does not make any attempts at change and if one does not enter into conflicts in advance. Dutch women as well as Turkish and Moroccan women use strategies such as refusing and saying no. Women don’t let everything happen to them all the time.
Women who have been abused or sexually abused often feel that they should have resisted more. The idea exists among women and other stakeholders that resistance is only resistance if it happens in a physical way, i.e. when women hit back or fight. In care provision it has become apparent how important it is to identify and honor what women have done (for example talking and negotiating) as resistance. This is important to counteract feelings of guilt and to emphasize that they have actively tried to change the situation. Migrant women, through religion and upbringing, are said to be accustomed to obeying their husbands and families without protest. This does not appear to correspond with the image formed by the interviews with these women. They do indeed resist. There is also the opinion that migrants do not have a culture of talking. Women have tried to talk to their husbands: about the problems, the cause of the man’s behavior, but also about the beating itself. Talking to your husband if the situation worsens is an obvious and logical step. However, this talking does not always lead to a solution. This makes the women feel powerless. They would like to save their marriage. Women appear to like to talk more often than men.
There are also women who initially choose a less direct approach. They avoid their husbands and make excuses to avoid acceding to their husband’s sexual wishes. Negotiation is less common. This makes sense, because talking doesn’t work either and talking is necessary to negotiate.
Another way to make it clear to a man that his behavior is not acceptable consists of stopping caregiving duties or cutting off contact as much as possible, in other words, ceasing care. Hitting back is also an option, but it is not used much. Women don’t hit their husbands back because they think it’s inappropriate or because they think more violence will follow.
Perpetrators
,It doesn’t matter to me, as long as I save the honor of the family,, said Ali D. (shooter at the Leijgraaf College in Veghel)
Death sentence
Honor killings are mainly so shocking because the perpetrators are often close relatives of the victim. This includes fathers, grandfathers, uncles, cousins, brothers or husbands. They are the ones who carry out the death sentence when an unmarried girl has violated the family honor. There have been cases where a brother refused to harm his sister. The result of this is that these men themselves can become victims of honor killings.
The perpetrators of honor killings do not see themselves as murderers. They consider family honor more important than the right to life. The perpetrators of honor crimes see themselves as victims. There are perpetrators who are aware that murdering their wife or other family member is incompatible with their faith. However, they believe that a matter of honor is an exception to that rule.
Those involved in honour-related violence
The head of the family, often the grandfather, is in principle the intellectual perpetrator. The head of the family decides to commit an honor killing on the person responsible for the loss of honor. Often the choice for the person who will commit honor killing falls on a relatively young family member (12-18 years old) from the side of the man responsible. The choice for a boy of such a young age is determined by two arguments. First of all, a boy that age doesn’t leave a wife and children behind while he’s on the run from justice or in prison. Secondly, the punishment for minors is milder. It is thought that the head of the family decides who will commit the honor killing and that the young perpetrator carries out the act in blind obedience. However, the young perpetrator also has his own motive, because his moral family honor is also at risk. Usually the perpetrator of an honor killing shows no remorse.
In addition to the head of the family and the person who commits honor killings, women also play a role in honor killings. After all, they also have an interest in the moral family honor being regained or purified, and not infrequently women also provide advice and assistance to the intellectual or actual perpetrator. Women also play a role in honor-related violence by gossiping and by passing on the code of honor to their children through education.
Fathers, brothers or husbands spend a lot of time tracking down their victims. The men can be very creative in finding out the address of runaway women. Sometimes these men operate alone, but often the men are supported by family members and there are even friends who help with the search or encouragement. There are family members who try to lure their victim back home under false pretenses and then kill her.
Reactions, mediation and support from family and acquaintances
If a woman lives in the Netherlands without family, her father can come over from the country of origin to mediate. However, it is not possible in all cases for father to happen. It may also be the case that the family accepts a divorce but does not provide support. In addition, there are families who reject the woman and where contact is (temporarily) broken. For women who do have family in the Netherlands, it is important to make a distinction between those who ran away from their parental home as a girl and married women who get into trouble with their husband and run away or divorce from there.
Assistance
Emergency services must recognize or remove any danger and at the same time confirm the family’s concerns about the loss of honor to some extent in order to keep communication going. As a care provider it is necessary to realize that in some circumstances, especially if a return of the woman or girl is involved, a favorable virginity report can provide a lot of relief. The first priority when handling a case is to save time and prevent escalation. Initially, it is important to seriously understand the family’s position in order to de-escalate the matter. If the situation is drastic, such as in the case of a pregnancy or illegitimate child, the chance of a happy and peaceful life after return is smaller.
Sometimes the family, in addition to deploying the police, also starts searches themselves. People then report to the social environment.
A precarious situation arises when the conditions are acceptable for the girl and her family, but not for the relief effort. This may be the case due to assumed risks or because of certain formal or ethical objections. A return must be well prepared and the family must be followed for a long time. After all, parents cannot keep agreements that have been made.
If the danger persists for life, it is often stated that a new identity can provide a solution. The question is whether this also applies to women from the Middle East, given that they find life without family very difficult. After all, in their experience, their identity often largely coincides with group membership. A runaway girl who has to constantly hide has a good chance of ending up on the margins of society.