When we are young we are not always in control. Too often the calling that the young adult has is not enough for their parents. How do you want to continue after forty? Do you have everything in order and is it all right, or are you not going to throw in the towel and do you want much more in your life? How many childhood dreams have come true for you and how many are still on your ‘to do’ list?
Middle age
When we are young we are not always in control. Too often the calling that the young adult has is not enough for their parents. How do you want to continue after forty? Do you have everything in order and is it all right, or are you not going to throw in the towel and do you want much more in your life? How many childhood dreams have come true for you and how many are still on your to-do list?
Working
When we leave school we have a clear image in mind. What do we want with our lives and how do we move forward from here? We have our diploma and are applying for the job of our dreams. Or not? The diploma you have in your pocket may of course also be for a course that you would not have chosen if you had had a choice. However, now is the time to find a job, so you apply for the vacancies that match your diploma. You find work and quietly start your life as a young adult. You have dreams that you want to make come true: take a long trip, get your pilot’s license, write a book, read all the first editions of Mr. J. Voskuil save or even bungee jumping. You make plans for the rest of your life.
Suddenly you’re over forty
You have reached middle age and you are taking stock. You start to question society and your own life. You will ask yourself questions about the purpose of life and look for the values that will guide you for the rest of your life. You start looking for your own identity again and you enter the midlife crisis. This crisis does not need to take a dramatic turn. In developmental psychology, the term midlife crisis stands for the period of accelerated development. You wonder whether all the goals you set for yourself have come true. Are you happy with the work you do, or would you rather have chosen that lower-paid job that you actually enjoyed much more? The foundation in your life has been laid, both personally and socially. You are faced with a choice, do you continue to grow and do the things you still want to do, or are you tired of fighting and leave everything as it is? The developments during a human life do not stop after adolescence, but continue well into the later years of life. In all these developments it is often the body that deteriorates, but our mind still has enough capabilities.
Erikson’s eight stages of life
|
Age |
Developmental task of the phase |
Psychosocial choice of the period |
|
1 ½ years |
Attachment to the mother, which lays the foundation for later trust in others |
Trust versus distrust |
|
1 ½ years – 3 years |
First principles of control over self and environment |
Autonomy versus shame and doubt |
|
3 – 6 years |
Becoming purposeful and learning to act in a targeted manner |
Initiative versus shame |
|
6 – 12 years |
Develop social, physical and cognitive skills |
Competence versus inferiority |
|
12 – 20 years |
Transition from childhood to adulthood and the beginning of identity development |
Identity versus isolation |
|
Early adulthood |
Establishing bonds of love and friendship |
Intimacy versus isolation |
|
Middle-age |
Achieving life goals related to family, career and social position; provide for future generations |
Generativeness versus stagnation |
|
Later years of life |
Looking back on life and accepting its meaning |
Integrity versus desperation |
During these phases of life there are two specific choices that people can make in their lives, on the one hand the self as the person is at that moment and on the other hand the demands placed on him by the social environment and his personal wishes. At every stage of life there is that psychosocial choice between growth and stagnation.
Opposite needs
Every person is born with the need to give and receive love. Love can express itself in a feeling of connection with another, but also in connection with a group. We want to belong to a group but at the same time we want to remain an individual. We already see this opposite need emerging in very small children. For example, the little one wants to put on his coat all by himself, but at the same time absolutely does not want to be left alone. Every person needs connection and independence. Most people have a composite personality. This means that our personality is composed of four components.
- A combination of curiosity, creativity and control
- Involvement with other people
- Commitment to norms and values that rise above immediate, personal interests
- Involvement aimed at self-development and self-protection
Yet there are also people who spend the most attention and time on just one component. A good example of these people are movie stars or photo models. These people often want to see their dream come true, no matter what the cost. When this dream ultimately comes true, they will face cutthroat competition. As a result, there is still no place in their lives for other people, because they have to concentrate completely on themselves. As a result, the need to bond with other people has been pushed to the back. In these people the fourth component is predominant. The role that the four components mentioned play in our lives is not the same at every moment in our lives. Education also plays a role in the functioning of these components. If you have always heard as a child that you have to stand up for yourself or that you have to help everyone, it is understandable that one person has difficulty being involved with another and another person has difficulty developing himself.
The second part of middle age
Around the age of forty, you survey your life again, you look at the wrinkles that are slowly emerging. You see those first gray hairs that you want to pull out of your head, before you realize that you won’t have much left in the long run. You think about the questions, what you are doing it all for and why you are so busy and whether you could take it a bit easier? You wonder if you shouldn’t enjoy life a little more. Your children think you are old, but your parents think you still have your whole life ahead of you. Who is right? Can you still change anything in your life or is it too late and there is no escape? From this moment on, we no longer view our lives from birth, but we see the time that remains to us. This panics many people, because they want so much in an increasingly shorter time frame. During this period, people who have relied too much on just one of the components discover that, for example, their connection with other people has been compromised. Or that their connection with others has demanded a lot from them and that they now no longer have a life of their own, independent of others.
Time to live the rest of your life
When you’ve reached this point in your life, it’s time to make a choice between generativity and stagnation. Do you move on with your life and choose generativity? As a result, at the level of personal contacts, you take pleasure in guiding and supporting young people and in which you pass on the life experience and knowledge you have gained in your life to the next generation. Where you can express the need for involvement in an abstract way at a structural level, for example by helping with a youth organization, a sports club or at a church level. As a result, you end up in a growth process and remain involved in the world around you. Or do you choose stagnation, where you only see your own norms and values as the absolute truth. Where you adopt an authoritarian attitude and refuse to learn anything from anyone else. So that you can only see your own behavior as a benchmark and do not tolerate anything that deviates from it. So that, like an old grouch who always wants to be right even when he isn’t, you remain stuck in your own world for the rest of your life.
Your list
Do you still have your list from when your life just started? The list, on paper or in your head, that stated what you were going to do in and with your life. What points have you achieved and what points that you have not yet achieved are still important to you? Will you go for it, or are they lost forever?
read more
- Growing up: The later years of life
- Growing up: Physical development in the adolescent
- Growing up: The adolescence period
- Growing up: Psychological development from zero to fifteen
- Growing up: The baby phase