The allure of a cyber affair

Romances that arise on the Internet follow a characteristic scenario. Initial attraction in a chat room is strengthened by unconsciously broaching increasingly intimate topics, so that over time the two come to see each other as true friends who have opened their hearts. Texts become more romantic, an indefinable longing takes hold and you find yourself at the PC, longing for email from the unknown stranger…

Why a cyber affair and not real?

How does a cyber relationship differ from a real life affair? The power of the written, read typed, word is great. Words that contain feelings have an enormous effect on the other person. We get ready for a real life date, style our hair and check our clothes, while on the Internet we polish our imagination, intellect, humor and personality. The order is completely reversed. First we show our inner beauty and if the other person likes it, the physical part comes into view, through a photo or the use of the webcam and finally a possible meeting itself.

Can a cyber affair mean true love?

It is a popular topic in cyberspace to discuss whether love is possible if it only involves an exchange of texts, without physically seeing the other person and being able to match the gestures and looks to the words. What makes someone fall in love online? Is it the other person’s thoughts that appeal to you so that you can feel butterflies in your stomach or are these feelings merely confused with pleasure and the pleasure of receiving your attention… while real love can only grow if you get to know each other in real life know? Even those who have found the love of their life online don’t know exactly when the love was irreversible. Love at first byte is possible, but a slow start is also possible. In all cases, the process from the first rush to falling in love and sometimes even real love has a fairly constant duration. Within a few months, all stages have been completed, or people have gotten stuck at the beginning, so that a dormant love remains in the background, sometimes for years. If you are looking for a serious date, it is best to meet the other person as soon as possible to avoid disappointments that arise from endless fantasizing and daydreaming about that stranger who seems so charming.

Beware of the crafty chatter

One danger is that someone falls under the spell of an expert in the field of online flirting and dating. It’s easy to become addicted to the attentions of others, hopping from chat room to chat room, and fall victim to the power of emails from liars who have made a hobby of flirting with everyone on a daily basis who comes along and falls for it. The Internet is highly addictive, more addictive than television and some drugs. Love, whether intended or not, is even more addictive than all of this combined. The combination of the internet and love is an irresistibility that can turn even the most down-to-earth person into a romantic hero.

Is a cyber affair cheating?

The world wide web is bursting with married people, many of whom lie about their marital status, pretending to be single in order to win over the other. Many married people sit behind the keyboard as soon as their partner is asleep, to indulge in the world of the unknown and get something ‘exciting’ out of it or even a date. In many cases, the partner may not know or know that the influence of online chats is greater than you can imagine, especially when the world is still new. Is it cheating if you put your emotions into a complete stranger and mutual deep feelings are exchanged, or is it only cheating if you physically get involved with the other person? The scientists disagree with each other. The medium of chat and online dating, although it has been going on for years, is still in its infancy when it comes to posting our emotions. Today’s world requires new ways of making contact and the anonymity of chat makes the threshold low. A new secret friend is often just a mouse click away, and the chatter often feels like a kid in a candy store. Possible chat relationships are there for the taking, romance blossoms in bits and bytes and knows no boundaries and no time differences online.

Do you miss something when you fall in love online?

Many say that the chatter who participates in cybersex, cyber love and intense online friendships at home may be missing something. That all energy should be put into the partner at home, or that a lack is experienced on an emotional or physical level that is filled by that stranger on the other side of the globe. But is that really so? Diverse contacts can coexist and only become a threat if the partner’s needs are overlooked. You can make the danger of a cyber affair as big or as small as you want. In that sense it is an enrichment of existing relationships and not an impoverishment. Social contacts in real life do not become worse or worse as a result of a cyber affair. A cyber affair can be the driving force for daily life. Everyone can benefit from it. Cyber friendships and cyber love lift thousands of people out of their daily isolation. It can be an eye-opener for those who are in a mediocre marriage and find that they ‘click’ better with someone else and it can be a curtain for those who consciously turn a blind eye to the love they receive at home, which is no longer convenient because they prefer to be with their cyberlover. A madness that can take the person to great heights, but when the cyber affair stops they are faced with a sadness and grief that can be worse than can ever happen in real life.

Need for the ideal match

An extraordinary number of people spend all their free time in chat rooms to connect with others. They reveal their deepest secrets to complete strangers and find this new way of communicating anonymously much more appealing than the marriages they are actually in. The human need to want to match with others is immense. A real life partner who knows you on your worst days, with whom you share a household, children and finances, cannot possibly match the romantic on the other end of the chat line, who praises you for your womanhood or your tough masculinity , your openness, your witty jokes, your honesty, your sexy appearance on the webcam. Someone who doesn’t know you sees your ideal self. And when the chat ends and you return to the relatively boring order of the day, you miss the stranger who seems to fulfill all your secret needs, and he/she fulfills yours. Man is a social being. It’s normal to want to communicate with others just for the sake of communication, and sometimes to flirt. To test how you position yourself in the ‘market’, to test various tactics and their effect. Chat is an ideal training ground, makes shy people lively and witty and turns the slow soul into a romantic lover.

Is physical presence necessary?

Many say that it is against the nature of love to be deprived of the sight of a face, a body, the movements, gestures, the looks. The chat friend is quickly seen as the ideal person because his inner self is polished, he shows his best side and looks don’t matter. But there are also many people who believe that the intensity of the cyber affair is superior to real-life relationships for the simple reason that the emotional world of the other is exposed, and the judging of mere ‘flesh’ as happens in many webcam chat rooms is just a banal way of making contact.

The impossible became true

The Internet has made it possible for people to come into each other’s proximity who otherwise would never have found each other. It is a very special experience to deal with different cultures, to learn from very different lives, other countries, other religions, other races, other ages and other professions. Much of the allure still lies in the fact that what comes from far away seems more fun, more interesting, more fascinating and more exciting. The chatter who is mainly guided by people’s origins is the chatter who uses the medium in the broadest sense of the word. National borders fade online, time zones are crossed effortlessly. The ordinary housewife in the Netherlands chats with a Japanese businessman, the American nurse talks with the Turkish lawyer. A unique experience was born and many people have discovered online chatting and dating. Common interests unite people, regardless of where they come from.

Real pain at the end

Online feelings are real, many times stronger than in real life. A secret love on the web can make your day, an argument with that same lover can break your day. Emotional dependence grows the moment expressions of love roll across the screen in any capacity. Whether in real life or in cyberspace, there is real pain and disappointment that accompanies love or what was thought to be love. Many choose the anonymity of chat rooms thinking that with distance the pain of an end to a relationship is less, or non-existent. This has proven to be incorrect. Those who fail to observe the rules of caution may suffer long-lasting and painful scars once the cyber romance ends.

When frustrations arise

Sometimes the other person is unreachable. You want so badly, think of ways to bridge oceans, to make long journeys to the one who turned your life upside down. The desire to be physically with the other person can become so great that people actually give up home and hearth to be with their cyberlover. The result is broken families, divorces and failed relationships. The risk that the cyberlover does not turn out to be the ideal wonder man/woman as you had thought is enormous. In the beginning everything is roses and moonshine, over time, when the rose-colored glasses are off, you start to see each other’s flaws and the crucial moment follows. Continue when there is love, stop when the cake runs out or let the love of your life go due to circumstances. Sometimes both partners want everything from each other. Promises are made shamelessly, even when there is no basis for them. The other may be married, or even both may actually be taken. Sometimes the geographical distance is so great that the difficulties seem impossible to solve. In all cases, frustrations arise that eat away at you mentally. The cyber relationship is in danger and the beginning of the end is palpable. A deeply sad time follows that can have an impact on everything, your work, your actual life in real life, your family and other friends. Depression is not impossible.

The dream can also become reality

When the madly in love chat partners who first met each other through a chat room or a dating site meet each other, they no longer have to start all over again. A real life affair follows almost automatically, but from that moment on the principles and rules that apply to everyone in a new relationship apply. However, the cyber partners have a huge advantage. The basis of the many chats, e-mails and webcam sessions appears to be a very favorable foundation. The chatters have the feeling that they have known each other for years and a marriage, even if the partners are from different countries, is very possible.

,I turn on my computer. I wait impatiently as it connects. I go online, and my breath catches in my chest until I hear three little words: ‘You’ve got mail’. I hear nothing, not a sound on the streets of New York, just the beat of my own heart. I have mail. From you., ~ from: You’ve got mail

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