Talking to an adolescent can be difficult. They don’t always want to listen, or they do listen but then say that their parents don’t listen. Here are a few communication terms to make the conversation easier.
Respect
The first condition for a good conversation is treating the other person with respect. The adolescent’s opinion must be respected and not dismissed. Adolescents and teenagers want to be taken for granted and treated equally. If they are not treated equally, they often show little respect to their conversation partner. Respect does not automatically mean approval. You may disagree with the adolescent’s opinion or behavior, but it must be taken seriously and not with the attitude: ‘I am your parent, I know best!’ It also helps to ask questions and not to answer questions for the teenager. Let him or her formulate his or her own opinion and arguments.
Ease
A good atmosphere is important for a good conversation. Sometimes you have to put the teenager at ease before the conversation takes place. You can do this by making the purpose of the conversation clear. Especially if you want to have a conversation that is not aimed at assessing, but really at getting information, it is important to make this clear. It can help the adolescent to get out of his defensive, defensive attitude and to say more.
Listen
It is important to listen carefully to what the other person says. Try to be open and listen as objectively as possible, so that the wrong conclusions are not drawn. It may also be that it seems as if the adolescent does not answer the question, but switches to another topic. This can also be a certain form of answering. It does not always seem useful, but it is (in)directly related to the question. It is then good to ask further questions about that subject and try to find out the answer.
Brain on
Adolescents want to think and judge for themselves, and not adopt a preconceived opinion. Parents should try to guide this thinking. In this way, children often listen better to their parents’ arguments and weigh them up themselves.
If you show appreciation for this thought process, this will help create a good atmosphere.
Curious
Adolescents can think carefully, make connections and come up with new insights. They are also quite proud of this. Show that you want to learn from the teenager and he will talk more and in more detail.
Socratic method
The Socratic method is often used in care. Socrates was a Greek philosopher. His motto was ‘I know that I know nothing’. He wanted to gain knowledge by talking to others and listening to them. He assumed that he knew nothing about it, and took everything the other person said seriously. So he stated that he was not the expert, but the other. He wanted to encourage others to deepen and share all the knowledge he knew from himself. He did this by asking questions. As a result, he allowed people to come to certain insights that they would not have arrived at without help. This can also be applied to care and education. By allowing the adolescent to see something for themselves, it is not imposed from outside, but comes from within. This makes it more likely that the adolescent will remember and apply it. This is a suitable method, especially for teenagers from the age of 16.
To ask
Pay attention to the types of questions you ask. The appropriate question depends on the age of the adolescent. Between the ages of 12 and 14
, children/adolescents reach the height of insecurity. Their body changes quickly, they don’t know exactly what to do with it, they want to fit in with their friends and are also very afraid of disappointing adults and making mistakes. It is important to say that there are no wrong answers and that you are interested in the adolescent’s opinion. Furthermore, it is smart to first ask a few closed questions. These are easy and good for the teenager’s self-confidence. Then you can switch to open questions.
Between the ages of 14 and 16, children do not feel like listening to adults. It is important not to say too much yourself, but rather to let the teenager have his or her say. They can answer open questions well and you can start with the Socratic method and bring out their own knowledge.
Adolescents between the ages of 16 and 18 want to be treated equally. They no longer want to be a child but want to be seen as a grown-up. The Socratic method is very suitable for this, because nothing is imposed on them, but they can come to their own, mature decision.