Children who are psychologically abused or emotionally neglected can benefit greatly from a supportive environment. Yet children who are abused are often not seen or helped. This is often because bystanders do not know how to deal with the suspicion that a child is being neglected or abused.
People often keep aloof when they suspect child abuse or neglect
Many people do nothing if they suspect that a child is being physically or psychologically abused. They are often worried, but they don’t really know what to do. Or they are afraid to interfere and what the consequences will be. Because it’s none of their business, that’s often the idea. Interfering with another family is not normal in the Netherlands and that social control is often not appreciated.
You do not have to interfere in the family situation in the event of abuse
Someone who suspects that a child is being psychologically abused or emotionally neglected does not need to immediately approach the parents to ask for clarification. Child abuse can be reported, but this can be done anonymously. So that is a possibility. But furthermore, it is especially important to offer the child something that he or she does not get at home, namely love from people. If a child who is having a bad time at home notices that there are other people who care about him or her and give them attention and love, it can help him or her get through that difficult period.
What can you do as a bystander to a child who is being psychologically abused or emotionally neglected?
In fact, it is all about the little things when a bystander wants to help a child who is being psychologically abused or emotionally neglected. This could be:
- Drinking a cup of tea with the child in the afternoon
- Listening to the child’s stories
- Ask the child to eat every now and then
- Ensuring that the child can play in safety for an afternoon with, for example, peers (i.e. your own children or grandchildren or nephews or nieces)
- Listening to the sadness that the child experiences and being a comforting shoulder
More confidence and self-confidence
If a neighbor, a parent of another child, a relative or someone else cares about the fate of the child who is not having much fun at home, it can make a big difference. These moments not only give the child a boost, but their self-confidence in themselves and others can also grow again. There are people he can rely on and whom he can turn to. Stories of adults who were psychologically abused or emotionally neglected as children show that if they had someone in their environment who was there for them, they took it to heart.
Should you talk to the child about what happens at home if he or she is abused?
It is not wise to broach the subject yourself. The child may be very shocked and think that you are going to talk to the parents and that the situation will then become even worse. Small children often do not realize that the home situation is not normal at all, they are used to it. An older child who does realize it will often not admit it. Children have enormous loyalty to their parents and do not want to say anything bad about their parents. Or hear. It also happens that the child’s parents are not allowed to talk to others about the problems. If someone tries to do that, it will be very annoying for the child. The child may be very afraid of the consequences of a conversation. And that could be anything. The child may be afraid of punishment, afraid that mom and dad will divorce or that the parents will have to go to prison once it becomes clear what is going on. Or they are afraid that they will be removed from their home. No matter how bad the home situation is, it remains a fear for many children. If you ask between sessions how things are going at home, you will notice how the child reacts to it. If a child starts telling things, let them tell it calmly. Then don’t ask too much about things, let the child take control. But do indicate that the child can always come if something is bothering him.
Children often think that abuse or neglect is their fault
Children often also think that the situation is because of them. That they cause the problems. They are often told that, but they often think of it themselves. For that reason it is good that people around them tell them again and again that it is not their fault. This can prevent the child from thinking negatively about himself.
Talking to the parents
The question is whether it is wise to talk to the parents. Parents often do not want to know or they react very angrily. The result is often that the child is no longer allowed to visit the person who raised the matter. Calling in professional help is often much better. For example, call your doctor or a teacher or report it to Veilig Thuis (child abuse hotline). The child will therefore continue to have a safe address, but the situation is being worked on in the meantime. Moreover, the child is not punished for what he or she has said.