It has pros and cons and sometimes it is forced and sometimes it is voluntary. Men (from the age of 30 this is 20%) more than women (from the age of 30 this is 9%) still live at home as adults and everyone has an opinion about it. Yet it takes place on a large scale. What are those advantages and disadvantages, especially aimed at men?
Why are you still living at home again?
There are plenty of reasons, but if we focus on the men it is clearer. The comfort and convenience if there is no permanent partner (to live with) is an important reason. Traditionally, it is women who take on the domestic role and carry it out (at least in part). In addition, pampering, which many mothers in particular do, is very pleasant for many men and, finally, economic reasons can also play a role. Many relationships now fail again within a few years and a house may have to be sold. If one partner continues to live in the house at least temporarily (with or without children), the man often returns to his parental home. Sometimes for a short period, until another home is found, but increasingly the duration of living at home is extended. Especially if one of the parents is no longer there and there is more space in the house, such a period can be considerably extended.
Benefits for both, because most mothers like to take care and many men find it very comfortable. But there is also a downside to it, as not everyone experiences it this way.
What’s wrong with it?
While it is pleasant for some, it is a complete disaster for others. Some of the more common reasons why it can also be disastrous
- The jokes about mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are well known, but if the son lives with the mother and a new potential daughter-in-law comes around the corner, this can be experienced as very poignant by the mother-in-law. You are her potential replacement and especially the very protective mothers prefer to do it themselves. Moreover, they also assume that they can do better. You have to put your entire life story on the table and the chance that she will find something that she will use against you (in relation to her son) is very high.
- Your potential new other half is of course used to a lot with mother (and sometimes also with father). There is a chance that you will be “used” as a servant. Laundry that needs to be done or cooking a nice meal, mother usually does it and he will probably like that his new love does this too. Fathers and sons who live together usually live a little more independently in this regard.
- The man who has lived at home for a long time has often had many flings, but rarely multiple permanent relationships. On the one hand, that is useful, because he knows how to pack the woman very well. Gifts can be trickier, at least when mom still has influence. However, a disadvantage is having to act as an equal within a relationship. After all, the relationship between mother and son or father and son is different than within a relationship. A matter of education.
- Comparing is killing, but many people often do so unconsciously. A comparison of what you are looking for in a woman, as a man who has had few permanent relationships, is logically more likely to be towards the mother than to arise spontaneously from one’s own brain. Conversely, mothers are also more likely to envision a daughter-in-law like herself rather than a completely different woman. Besides the fact that the chance is not that great that you are the same, the question is whether you can even match it. After all, mother sets high standards. If he lives with his father, this problem will be less.
- You may be able to meet at his home, but you have less freedom. Less freedom, even if it is only in the head, can also be bad for sex. Subconsciously you feel more inhibited. If only because of the sound. The same may also apply to the man in question.
- Finances may be flourishing at home with mother or father, but when you are ready to move in together, he may have little idea of money. An expenditure pattern would simply have to be adjusted due to the costs of the home. In addition, it may also be the case that father or mother (father usually even more so than mother) naturally takes on the bill for something. This is different in a relationship, making clear agreements about whether forgetting your wallet can sometimes help.
There are more issues that play a role, but these are more common than average for men who live at home (again).
Finally
It goes without saying that a man can also live with his parents because of a sick parent or unforeseen financial problems. I’m glad you still have a parent to fall back on, just keep your own life. It is also good for the parent themselves.