Life is not easy for young people. There is a lot of unemployment, people who have a job are often fired due to the crisis, relationships fail, rent prices are skyrocketing and nowadays you have to earn a serious amount of money to buy a house. Result: many young people come back to live with mom and dad after a while. These young people are called the boomerang generation. But how do you best approach this cohabitation so that no friction arises?
The Boomerang Generation
You raise your children to be independent adults, or at least you try. In the past, independent adults left home and made plans for the rest of their lives. But the current economic condition is not very favorable and stable. As a result, your children who had left home and had a job may suddenly appear at your door again. Asking if they can come and live at home again. These young people are called boomerangers, because like a boomerang they end up back at the starting point, at home with mom and dad. Sociologically speaking, one speaks of the boomerang generation. Boomerangers are approximately between 20 and 40 years old. This can be quite difficult psychologically for the parents. After years of caring for the children, they now thought they could enjoy a quiet old age. Nothing could be further from the truth, because the presence of young adults can be quite difficult. Or you have just gotten over your empty nest syndrome, have found your place at home and in society again and then your child is at the door again. Not all that obvious!
Why do children come back home?
There are several reasons for coming back home.
Your child loses his job
Your child comes to tell you that he or she has found his or her first job. It starts with good courage. The first money is earned and your child buys or rents his own place. And then the economic crisis hits. There are layoffs and yes, unfortunately your child is one of them. Back to square one. No more money to pay for an apartment or house and so back to mom and dad with hanging legs.
Your child cannot find a job
The long-awaited diploma has finally been received. Your child starts the search for a job full of overconfidence. In the meantime, people are already living alone or together. The young people overconfidently think that everything will be fine and that the whole world is waiting for them. Only to realize after a few months that he or she cannot get a job. Too young, too little experience, too high a diploma, too low a diploma, 200 other candidates, etc. And therefore it cannot continue to pay the rent or loan. So back to square one.
A relationship breakup
Regardless of the economic situation, a relationship breakdown can also lead to returning to the parental home. Because one or both partners have no income or because the house has to be sold. Which means you no longer have a roof over your head. Dad, mom, help!
Working at your own home
Sometimes the cause is less dramatic. Your son or daughter has just bought a house, with or without a partner. However, there is still a lot of work to be done on the house. So it can also happen that the parents are taken care of during the renovations. No worries about food, bed and bath and possibly childcare during the renovation period.
Good agreements make good friends
When one or more children return home, the parents’ household is turned upside down again. After all, they are used to living quietly alone or with an afterthought who studies or works. It is therefore important to talk calmly about withdrawing and not to avoid any topic.
Where will the child sleep?
The child comes home and may expect to move back into his own room. But perhaps that room has already been given a different purpose: an office, a reading room or a hobby room of one of the parents, for example. The child must then understand that his parents cannot simply change everything for him or her and that he or she may have to sleep in another room.
Money issues
Delicate financial issues should also be discussed. Feeding an adult costs money, a lot of money. A number of showers or baths per week also has an impact on gas, electricity and water bills. Perhaps the parents are now retired and have to make do with much less. So it must be possible to discuss a financial contribution. Also to remain honest with other children, who may not have it easy but still try to make their plan. In general, a contribution of approximately 250 euros per month is requested. A reasonable amount, not really excessive, but which can still help the parents pay their higher bills. However, car expenses, personal outings, clothes and mobile phone bills remain the responsibility of the child and are not included in this 250 euros.
Helping out in the household
Just because you go back home doesn’t mean you end up in Mom or Dad’s hotel. Coming home from work in the evening, taking a shower, shoving your feet under the table, not doing the cleaning, plopping down in front of the television, giving the dirty laundry to mom, etc. are things that are unacceptable. If you live alone, you also have to roll up your sleeves. It is therefore logical that the division of tasks must also be reexamined here.
Agreements about friends
Your child is used to living alone and receiving friends whenever it suits him. Having a party, watching football together, staying up late. That’s all well and good, but when you return to your parental home, you also have to take your parents into account. Here too, it must be clearly agreed what is and what is not possible.
Agreements about meal times
It was already mentioned above: just because you go back to live at home does not mean that you are in a hotel. Clear agreements must therefore also be made about meal times. Maybe they can be left a little late, so that everyone can eat together when the children come home from work. But it is certainly not the intention that mom and dad have to wait for hours with food that gets cold because the son or daughter does not have the decency to inform in advance that he or she is not coming to eat!
Agreements about television and music
Clear agreements must also be made about television and music. It is not the case that the moving son or daughter suddenly demands the remote control and only watches what interests him or her. If an agreement cannot be reached, an option may be to install an extra television in the child’s room. This way everyone can watch the programs he/she likes. The same goes for music and radio. Two different generations may not always appreciate the same music genres, but with a number of good agreements it should be possible.
Agreements about possible partner and children
Things become even more complicated when your partner or children come along. Privacy will then have to be ensured. Which will mean even more good agreements. The grandparents will also not have to worry too much about raising the children, otherwise this will certainly cause problems and discussions.
Agreements about pets
The child may now have a pet. Clear agreements must also be made here. If the parents want the animal in the house, then there is no problem. But if, for example, the parents are allergic or there is no room for the pet, another solution will have to be found. Maybe the animal can temporarily go to friends?
Agreements about furniture
People who live alone often have their own furniture. A solution also needs to be found for the furniture. Maybe some of it can be taken with us, maybe some can be stored in the attic or in a garage. If this is not the case, part will have to be sold. Stocking is also an option, but is usually expensive. So consider whether the furniture is worth it.
Agreements about the period
Of course, mom and dad are fine, but the idea is that there will eventually be a solution to the problem and that the young people can go back to living alone. To avoid the situation dragging on or the young people no longer making an effort, a term could perhaps be discussed from the start. Six months or a year, for example.
Sometimes having a boomeranger at home can also be an advantage
More and more people will sooner or later have to deal with a boomeranger (sometimes also called a boomeranger). Maybe there are people who will like this too. Suppose the parent’s partner has died and the parent left behind is lonely. Maybe this parent actually enjoys having company again. Every case is of course different, but with a number of good and concrete agreements and a little compromise on both sides, it should be possible to reach an agreement.
The French counterpart: generation Tanguy
In France such a boomerang child is called a Tanguy. The name comes from the main character of a French film ,Tanguy,. This adult also comes to live with his parents again. They are not really happy about it, especially because Tanguy makes no effort to stand on his own two feet again. It becomes comical when his parents try to get rid of him in every possible way. Until…