Accepting the death of someone close to you is always difficult. It is often even more difficult to process the death of your parents. Your parents often take on the role of a ‘confidant’. You can always rely on your parents, they comfort you when you need it, they share your enthusiasm when you have achieved something in your life. First of all, it is important to mention that everyone deals with death differently. Some people will cry a lot, others will show no emotions. You may want to talk to someone about it, it may also be that you remain silent when someone brings it up and you try to avoid the subject. Everyone processes the death of their parent in a different way, you are not ‘weird’ or ‘unemotional’ if you don’t show emotions in front of others.
Furthermore, there are a number of general things that are good to think about or do after the death of your parent.
Accept death
Realize that your father/mother is really no longer there. This is very difficult to accept, after all your parents have always been there. Even though you might not see them for months, they were always there when you needed them. It may take years to accept the loss. If you give yourself that time and if you don’t do this, you could end up with emotional problems decades later.
It often happens that suffering preceded the death of your father or mother. Your parents have always wished the best for you. Death is often the best path for your parents, given the situation. Living with pain or serious disabilities is terrible for most people, they are no longer themselves, they can no longer do what they want to do. Wish the best for your parents, and as harsh as that sounds, sometimes death is the best, most peaceful option.
Dare to mourn
It’s okay to cry in front of someone. Everyone understands and is happy that he/she can offer you comfort. Staying tough may be difficult for yourself, but certainly also for the people around you. They can’t comfort you if you don’t want to be comforted. A feeling of anger is also understandable, do not bottle up your anger but express it. This is extremely important to prevent later problems.
Don’t forget them
Just because you’ll never see your parent again doesn’t mean you have to forget them. You have shared and experienced things with them that you do not want to forget and do not need to forget. So paste photos and write down memories so you can never forget them. It can also help to speak to your father or mother in your mind. There is nothing wrong with thinking about your parents in certain situations. However, do not forget to continue living yourself.
Also choose how you want to commemorate your parent. There are several options :
- Graf
- Urn
- Ash ornament
- Scattering the ashes
Do what suits you and your parent best. You always have a piece of ashes with you, this can be comforting. A grave provides a place to go. The same applies to scattering the ashes. You can choose a place that meant a lot to you and your father or mother. You can keep an urn with you throughout your life, wherever you go. This can also have added value. The choice is up to you, your parent and other immediate family.
Do what feels good
As stated at the beginning of the article, everyone deals with death differently. Don’t let outside people influence you. You don’t have to talk about it to everyone, but you don’t have to keep it a secret either. You don’t have to cry to someone, but you don’t have to bottle up your sadness either.
It is important to know that the people around you really sympathize with you. They really want to comfort you, but if you are clear and say that you have to deal with it yourself, they will accept that too.