While one person does it with the greatest of ease… the other finds it a disaster to make contact. But where people are, we ultimately also want to make contact. We have to get to work on it! Yet it does not come easy for all of us. Sometimes due to disappointment in life, sometimes due to limited social skills and sometimes their own thoughts hinder making contact. But if we do make an attempt… how does it work?
Fear? …use it well
Fear is a bad advisor, that in itself is nothing new. But that does not alter the fact that the person who does not easily make contact will experience a kind of fear the moment he/she steps into the crowd. Try to change it, because a not too confident look can actually help in the process of making contact. You generally look more approachable and social, as has now been demonstrated by two universities in the US.
The overly confident look gives other people more reason to avoid these people. The studies show that people who are classified as overconfident themselves show aloofness and may not be up for a chat. In addition, the difference with the interviewee plays a role. Average sociability with a preference for a small degree of shyness is preferred. The group of interviewees ranges in age from 20 to 55 years. There is no clear picture as to whether a particular age group stands out. The only footnote made is that younger people under the age of 30 have slightly more difficulty with being overconfident, with just over 30 on average slightly more likely to favor this group. Overall, those just below average are socially preferred.
Commonalities
It is important when making contact, even if it is with sweat in your hands, that you look for something in common. This creates a bond and makes it easier to speak. This may touch on any subject, but where these people share the same fear, it creates an extra bond. This bond is created because it is about a negative aspect about yourself and then it seems as if you get to know someone faster.
In itself it is not a problem if the negative aspect is the beginning, but getting stuck in negativity ultimately does not give you a good feeling. But once you have found a good conversation partner, why not move on to more positive things in life or things that otherwise concern us? The ice has been broken, so to speak, and that is a start.
Let the situation inspire you
We all know people who walk their dogs, these people make contact sooner and more easily (if you don’t have a dog and want to walk, borrow a dog from friends or family). What they have in common is the dog and/or the love for animals. On balance, the animal lover has quite a bit of difficulty with the animal hater (which in itself may say something about this person). Dogs make contact and this makes it easy for you as a handler to make contact.
But there are of course also other possibilities where the common denominator can be found, just think of the woman who wears a lot of bling bling on her arms and in her ears during a drink, or you notice that someone is very busy with social media. or is crazy about horses or cats, to name just a few examples. This also means that you have to be a bit inventive to make a catchy comment. After all, you want to attract this person’s attention in a positive way.
Keep the conversation going
Once you have found that conversation partner, it is important to keep the conversation going. If you know that you have few current topics available, it is good to think about them in advance. Silence makes people feel awkward and can bear negative fruit over rejection.
Finally
Perhaps the best thing about the difficulty of making contact is what one of the interviewees said. Namely that he had discovered that the majority of people find it difficult to make contact. Some people are just better at wrapping it up in a more confident grimace or stepping out of their fear a little more easily. If that is the best learning experience, it should be possible for everyone to take the first step towards making contact.