All babies develop at their own pace and in their own way. Books such as ‘Oops, I’m Growing’ can sometimes make you feel unsure if your child does not reach the milestones at the indicated times. The Center for Youth and Family (CJG) also uses lists such as the Van Wiechen Survey (VWO) to track average normal development. Good in case there are developmental problems, but as a parent you prefer not to compare your baby. And you don’t have to. The most important thing is that your child develops. And that as a parent you can promote this development. This starts shortly after birth. By paying attention to the signals of your (newborn) baby and watching what your child does, you can respond to his or her development. This applies to parents, but also to childcare workers, for example. Every child is different, every parent is different, and so every parent-child interaction is different. That is why it is so important to find your own way in this. Parenting is tailor-made, but fortunately the big picture is approximately the same. Exceptions to this of course confirm the rule.
The 5 Rs
In the 1940s and 1950s, the 3 R’s were sacred in baby care: Rest, Cleanliness, Regularity. With the latest scientific insights and views, we supplement these 3 Rs with two more Rs: the R for Respect and the R for Direction.
- Rest: babies get enough rest, preferably sleep in their own bed (up to six months in the parents’ room) and/or can recover from everything else that happens in a low-stimulus environment.
- Cleanliness: good hygiene is important, fortunately nowadays it is very self-evident
- Regularity: a fixed pattern of sleeping-feeding-cuddling-playing, depending on the pace and signals of your child (and not the clock)
- Respect: respect for your baby and for yourself as an educator
- Direction: you determine the direction as an educator by setting boundaries and taking responsibility for education
Baby care
Good baby care means paying attention to your baby’s signals. You can demonstrate this by:
- support the baby emotionally
- to respect the baby’s autonomy
- to offer the baby structure and continuity
- to express to the baby what is happening
(Nossent & Vanderhaegen, 2007 in Soeting, 2010)
Emotional support
Emotional support means that you respond sensitively and responsively to your child. You are sensitive when you focus on your baby’s (non-verbal) signals and responsive when you respond appropriately.
Respect for the baby’s autonomy
By watching your baby carefully, you can also determine when your child can solve something alone. By waiting a while to provide help, by encouraging him, your baby can show what he or she can already do. Also when you touch, cuddle and care for your baby, you realize every time that you are dealing with a different person, and in this way you also show respect for your baby’s autonomy.
Structure and continuity
Babies like routines and repetition. That makes the world predictable, reliable and safe for them. It also gives peace of mind. You ensure this through a fixed pattern and a fixed way of approaching and interacting with your baby.
Talking to your baby
By constantly talking to your baby about what is happening, what you see, what emotions the baby seems to be feeling now (based on his behavior and facial expression) you stimulate language and cognitive development, because you give the world words and your child learns to make connections. You stimulate emotional and social development, because your baby learns which behavior corresponds to which thoughts and emotions and he or she learns to make and maintain contact. You also stimulate bonding, because by talking to and for your child you share each other’s world even more and he or she learns that your voice provides security.
Care moments are contact moments
A small baby still sleeps a lot. From around six months your child is really awake between feedings. First mainly in the afternoon. The care moments are the ideal moments when you can make contact with your child, especially in the beginning. That starts when you see the baby in the crib and take him or her out. You tell what you see, point with your hands and say what you are doing.
,Hey, I heard a little voice. Euueuu. That was you. And what do you want to say? Really! Did you sleep well? I think so. How nice you are lying there. You have all pink cheeks. Are you that happy about it? to see me? I’m also excited to see you again. And you’re kicking your legs. You’re probably hungry. It’s also time to eat, so I’m going to pick you up (one hand goes under your head and my I slide my other hand under your back) and now press you against me. Come and we will sit comfortably in the chair. I see that you are yawning. Come and you can eat.,
You can also encourage contact with your child through exercise games such as the well-known cycling with the legs, or touch songs (in the I or you form ), such as ‘These are your cheeks and this is your chin. This is your mouth with teeth in it. These are your eyes, your ears, your hair. Now just your nose and you’re done.’ Your child will develop hand-eye coordination, learn to make connections and stimulate language development. If your child is a little older, you can ask your child to help you change the diaper. For example, by lifting his buttocks so that you can slide the diaper underneath. This way you also stimulate social development.
Your baby is developing
In the beginning, a baby’s development mainly takes place through the senses. By stimulating the senses you can stimulate the baby’s development.
Seeing A newborn baby can only see about 20 centimetres. He or she mainly sees light and dark and hardly any colors. That is why a baby only has an eye for sharp contrasts. So it is good to hold your baby close to your face in the beginning and let him or her look at contrasting colors such as black and white. Red and green are recognized earlier than yellow, and blue takes the longest. Only when your baby is around six months old will he see blue as blue and no longer as blackish. A baby sees more and more details. From about three months he or she can fixate on an object with two eyes. A child only sees depth from the age of four months. He or she can now also grab (and let go of) things. A five/six month old baby also starts following moving objects. Hand-eye coordination is developing and your baby wants to put everything in his or her mouth. He or she learns a lot from that. The world slowly becomes larger as vision develops.
Feeling Your baby’s skin is already sensitive to touch in the womb. This is also due to the innate reflexes to survive. If you touch a newborn baby by the mouth, he will look for a nipple to drink (search reflex). Your baby is also sensitive to heat and cold from birth. Your baby receives much more information about the world around him or her through the skin. Your baby still has to learn what each material feels like, what you can do with it and how the material reacts when you squeeze or bite it, for example. Many babies enjoy a massage. To see if your baby agrees, you can start by massaging the feet and legs gently and slowly. This gives your baby time to process the touch and relax. Some children have to get used to it, others like it straight away.
Hearing Your baby can hear already in the womb. In the beginning, your baby prefers to listen to familiar voices. He or she is very sensitive to the tone and way you talk. We also call this Infant Directed Speech (IDS), Baby Talk or Baby Talk. It is characterized by a high pitch, slower speech, better articulation, many emotions in the voice and many repetitions. This helps with language development and gives babies the necessary security. Babies love hearing the same songs over and over again. That gives a feeling of recognition and security. You can make a ritual of this. For example, by always singing two songs before going to sleep and ending with a hug. Then your child will automatically learn when it is ready and that will provide guidance. From approximately six months onwards, the understanding between words and gestures follows and they can actively participate in songs with movements. Young babies also enjoy reading books from a very early age. For example, Dick Bruna’s rhyming books are nice to listen to.
Tasting Young babies can taste all kinds of flavors from birth. They have a preference for sweets, and that’s a good thing, because breast milk tastes sweet. A baby learns all kinds of things by putting objects in the mouth : about shape, structure, and about itself (the lips, tongue, hands, etc.). If they don’t like something, they immediately show it by their facial expression.
Smell A newborn baby can already smell and recognize the scent of its parents within a few days. A baby also discovers the world around him by smelling. Who or what has what scent? If you know that your baby is so sensitive to odors, it is good to pay attention to this and not (anymore) ignore it. What does the world actually smell like?
To play
For a baby, everything is learning. Also play. Most babies are very curious. Your baby can still discover what he or she can do for himself. Your baby does this alone, but certainly also together.
Playing together Singing songs, movement games, reading and rhyming. Your baby likes to listen to your voice. By paying close attention to your child’s reaction, you can really make contact with each other. Many babies find touch games by stroking or tickling, such as ‘A mouse is approaching’ very fun and exciting and also stimulate contact.
A baby quickly makes all kinds of sounds. You can imitate this and/or respond to it to simulate a conversation. Talking is also a form of making contact for a baby.
You stimulate motor development by letting your baby move. Not all babies enjoy learning to lift their heads, but it is important to train the neck muscles. For example, by encouraging your child to lift their head when you place them on their stomach on the changing table. And then reward it for all efforts by giving compliments for the hard work. You can also train your baby’s neck muscles by walking around with your baby on your arm. Your baby can first look over your shoulder, while you still support the head, but soon he can look around and you can point out everything and talk together about what you see.
By holding a toy close to your baby, you will see that your baby will stretch out his hands to grab it. Maybe at first you can just tap it (with a little movement on your part). That’s also a fun game.
Playing alone During the first six weeks, your baby will most likely not be in the playpen or on a rug. But after that, the playpen or play mat is a place where your child can learn to play independently. Especially if you stay nearby and help him or her by talking to him or her.
By offering toys, your child also learns a lot. Crinkles and rattles make noise. Your baby still has to learn to localize this and realize that he or she can make the sound himself. Various fabrics in various colors from the curtain shop or market are strung together; everything feels different and gives a different feeling. By offering baby books (a book with black and white patterns or other clear images) you can make a start with early literacy. Babies learn how to hold a book, how to leaf through it, and how the pictures in it correspond to real objects.
Sometimes a mobile above the box can be too much and if it is a moving mobile you don’t want to have it on all the time. No matter how interested your baby may look at it, it is also distracting and provides a lot of stimulation. You can put some toys on one side of the playpen and nothing on the other side. If your baby turns his head to the side where there is nothing, it may have been enough and he or she is tired.
Overstimulated or (over)tired?
Everything comes in for a baby. They can therefore get tired quickly. Also nice things like contact or playing. A baby of a few months is tired again half an hour after the start of feeding. Not every child indicates this in the same way. By preparing your child for bedtime at the first signs of fatigue, you can ensure good sleep hygiene in peace. Good sleep hygiene includes fixed rituals in a fixed order, so that your baby learns where it stands. For example, by singing a lullaby. If you wait too long, your child may lose sleep and become restless and upset from fatigue. It is then much more difficult for him or her to fall asleep.
How can you tell that your baby is tired?
- yawning (after eating)
- red cheeks or ears
- look pale
- rub your eyes
- respond less enthusiastically
- sucking on hands or clenching fists (after eating)
- staring or looking away with the eyes
- kick with the legs or stretch the body (without cramps)
- whining or crying
- to get busy, to become overactive
Crying hour
Sometimes young babies have a ‘crying hour’, as it is called. An almost fixed moment in the day when all stimuli and tension seem to have to be removed. And such a crying hour can easily last one, two or even four hours or longer. Not fun for your child, and also not fun for you as an educator. Your child seems to be sad and you really want to help, but that doesn’t seem to be possible. Of course you first look to see if there is an underlying reason that you can do something about: clean diaper, feeding, sleeping, dressing too cold or too warm, but if everything seems fine, then it is just a way of expressing themselves. And that’s allowed. Then it is important to realize that you do not have to solve it. You can’t solve it either. You can carry your child with you (possibly rest his or her head against your shoulder, so that no more stimuli are added; sometimes talking helps, but for some babies even that is too much at such a moment) or you can hold your baby quietly. or put her to bed. Preferably with their feet against the bottom of the bed and the blanket tightly around them, so that he or she feels safe. Distracting with toys or games often does not help. That will only make your child extra tired.
You may not be able to stop the crying, but you can be there for your child. Even if he or she is having a hard time. By staying with him or her. In any case, your child is not alone. This way your child learns that he can express himself , but he also feels your limitations as comfort. That’s the best way to comfort yourself later.
Sometimes you can prevent crying hours by paying close attention to the signs of fatigue and putting your baby to bed on time, but this is not a guarantee.
Slow living
Living with a baby also gives you the opportunity to live slowly and consciously. To see with your baby’s eyes. By also getting on your knees you literally see the world from his or her perspective. This is how your baby discovers the world and life takes on a new dimension for you.