There are many articles and books about child abuse and child neglect. In this article I would like to share my view on the role of society in the prevention of child abuse and child neglect.
Child abuse and child neglect
Child abuse and child neglect is something of all times and all cultures. I am writing this article in response to a serious case of child abuse in July 2008 in the province of Antwerp. All cases touch me deeply, but this case touched me more for personal reasons. All kinds of accusations were thrown back and forth and I kept wondering whether this could have been prevented. I believe that child abuse and child neglect can be prevented. Society has an important role in this.
Causes of child abuse and neglect
The causes of child abuse and neglect are diverse. It is important to look at each case individually. Some possible causes are:
- The parent himself was a victim as a child.
- Frustrations in the parent’s personal life (unemployment, poverty, bullying at work, relationship problems, etc…).
- Negative self-image in the parent.
- Dissatisfaction with certain personality traits of the child (too sloppy, too rude, too…).
- Ignorance: The parent does not realize that what he is doing is wrong.
- Social pressure: certain people in the parent’s life have different values and standards and put pressure on the parent to ,educate, the child (to drastically adjust its behavior).
Victims and perpetrators
Victims of child abuse can go to age-appropriate (self) help groups. Therapy can also help change one’s own self-image and correct the wrong world view (the image that aggression is permitted) and thus accept the past and give it a place in one’s own life.
There are also opportunities for perpetrators to break this behavior. For this I refer to my article Aggressive behavior in parents.
The role of society
In my opinion, the role of society in preventing child abuse and child neglect lies in the following 3 domains:
- Education
- Accompaniment
- Assylum
Below is an explanation of what I mean by this.
Education
In many cultures, education is (and was) aimed at preparing young people for life as adults. Social education is indispensable here, so that young people learn how to behave as adults. The young people also learn about male/female relationships and how you should behave as a parent. Although you are never fully prepared for having your own child, as adults these young people are better prepared for this major event.
In our culture, education is aimed at the professional functioning of the young person: the young person is prepared to practice a profession. Little attention is paid to social functioning. Topics such as social interactions, sex education, male/female relationships and parenting are only superficially discussed. Young people must discover for themselves what you can expect from a lasting relationship and what parenthood entails. Many young people get their information from the Internet or TV or other media and from peers. This gives them a distorted picture of adult life. As a result, they are unprepared for parenthood.
Some young people get their information from their parents or other adults, but there is also a large group that discovers everything through experimentation. This increases the chance of problems. This can be prevented by providing young people (for example in the last years of secondary education) with information about certain important social topics such as relationships, sexuality and parenting.
Because we live in a culture with many different subcultures ( a heterogeneous culture ), it is difficult to say for everyone what relationships and parenting are like. Teaching can be adapted to the pedagogical vision of the school, but it is better to offer young people the choices through dialogue. Young people are capable of understanding adult life, but to do this they must first be given the information. By talking to them about these topics, they form a complete picture of their lives as adults. In addition to topics such as family life, for example, during this training attention can also be paid to attitude formation ( learning correct behavior ), such as arriving at work on time or dealing with colleagues and superiors or expectations that can be expected of the young person within the profession he or she is in. will exercise later. This also avoids problems in the workplace, which leads to less pressure on family life and therefore creates a better climate within the family.
To achieve this, the education system will have to be adjusted. Many subjects you don’t use as an adult can be put aside for these important life lessons. The ,unnecessary, subjects can possibly be offered as electives. For possible adjustments within education, I refer to my article Back to practice-oriented education.
Specifically regarding parenthood, the young person could become acquainted with some issues surrounding pregnancy, birth and upbringing during the ,life lessons,. The most important pedagogical issues could be briefly outlined so that the young person knows what to expect. Many adults start having children without knowing what problems they may encounter (such as toddler puberty). These problems can lead to frustration (and self-doubt) which opens the door to abuse and neglect of the ,failed, child.
Accompaniment
During pregnancy, emphasis is placed on the experience of pregnancy. Many books about pregnancy, for example, stop at childbirth. After this, the parent must figure out what to do next. There are also prenatal courses that provide information until the first year of life, but after that you have to figure out for yourself what to do. You can go to a clinic, but this is mainly medically oriented (vaccinations, etc.). If you have questions about parenting, you must seek specific help yourself.
Grandparents and other experts can help, but they often have to figure out what to do themselves and they don’t actually know what the right response is to some problems. Young parents therefore often seek support from other young parents and try to raise their child themselves through trial and error. If it doesn’t work, they become frustrated with all kinds of negative consequences for the child. The possible reactions sometimes also include a number of pedagogically unjustified reactions that do produce temporary results, such as hitting children.
There are also parents who are not aware of any harm and therefore unintentionally harm their child. An example of this is parents who give their child coke to drink from a bottle of coke at a very young age or parents who let their child cry until the child is harmed or parents who seek medical help too late in case of problems or … . They do not do this to neglect or abuse their child, but do this because they do not know any different.
For all the above reasons, guidance is very important. Young parents must be given the opportunity to (re)discover their parental instincts. They must have a confidential counselor to whom they can go with questions and problems. This person can then make adjustments in the event of problems and thus prevent child abuse and neglect.
One possibility would be to expand and make child health centers mandatory. However, I don’t think this is a good idea. There are indeed parents who abuse or neglect their children and do not go to the clinics out of fear, but there are also parents who do not go to the clinics for other reasons and prefer to go to their GP themselves to monitor their child. In addition, there are many cases of child abuse or neglect by parents who did go to a child care center. Because these parents were able to cover up the problems, the abuse or neglect was discovered far too late.
The vision of Kind & Gezin also does not match the vision of some parents. For example, the pedagogical advice given does not always correspond with Attachment Parenting, which means that these parents would (for them) receive wrong advice or be left out in the cold (and labeled as potential child abusers because they raise their children differently). There are other specific cases in which parents do not find the right support at a child health clinic.
The choice of guidance should be free, but accessible to all young parents. There should be room for dialogue to stimulate the parental instinct instead of adjusting the parent’s outward behavior. This way, the parent knows how to respond in every situation. Because the parent is also in a stronger position, he becomes less likely to be frustrated and he understands his child’s behavior better. This reduces the chance of abuse or neglect.
Assylum
Perpetrators of child abuse or neglect are often stigmatized: they carry this fact for the rest of their lives and are judged accordingly. Child abuse or neglect cannot be justified, but these people should be given a chance to take control of their lives and give them direction. The aggression (or passivity in the case of neglect) must be addressed to solve the problem. Otherwise it will show up in a different way.
To this end, shelter for perpetrators of abuse and neglect is indispensable. They must be able to tell their story without being judged and receive the right guidance to see and recover from the consequences of their action. This prevents abuse and neglect in the future.
Shelter for victims is also indispensable. Only in serious cases should a victim be separated from the perpetrator. In most cases, I think it is beneficial to treat perpetrator and victim together and to teach both to interact correctly. Empathy is important here (looking at an event through the eyes of the other without losing oneself in the other).
Finally
Much needs to be done to prevent child abuse and neglect. The above is a step in the right direction. In addition, the community’s response is important: if people react negatively to child abuse or neglect, it will also occur less often (unfortunately it will happen behind closed doors without observers). However, the negative reaction may not be aimed at the person of the perpetrator, but at the behavior of the perpetrator. By talking down to the perpetrator, you only achieve more frustration (and aggression or passivity) on the part of the perpetrator. Disapproving of the behavior and offering the perpetrator a helping hand (without forgetting the victim) often solves the problem.
If abuse or neglect is suspected, it is important to act quickly. Confronting the perpetrator can in some cases lead to taking it out on the victim. That is why it is important to inform official authorities or engage professionals.
In addition to the above solutions to prevent child abuse and neglect, social problems such as high unemployment rates should not be forgotten. As long as there is external pressure on the family, the risk of child abuse and neglect is very high. Addressing these problems will create a more pleasant environment for everyone.