Cheating offers an escape from the everyday, the routine, the children, the parents-in-law, the work, the obligations and the suffocating obligations. Escape from reality for a moment. And you are dissatisfied with your relationship. You want to leave, to escape and you choose the easiest way out: flee into the arms of someone else. Cheating, it stimulates our fantasy…What are the reasons for men and women to cheat? An overview:
When are you cheating? Is it because of a temporary breakdown?
Why does someone cheat?
It may be temporary. Your relationship has entered a temporary slump. There is not a good relationship with your partner at the moment. The emotional or sexual bond is not good between the partners. Maybe you doubt whether your partner is the right one? T he temptation can be too great, especially if it is offered, to cheat.
Reason for cheating, definitive end of the relationship
It can mean the definitive change for your relationship. You have grown apart and have been living your own lives for a while, separately that is. In this case the end seems to be in sight. There is no longer a bond between the partners, emotionally and probably also sexually.
Reason to stay together
- Couples with children will often give the children as a reason to stay together. Cheating is a great way to escape the daily misery.
- Financial security, such as a pension,
- Fear of actually taking the step to leave, fear of the unknown,
- Fear of being left alone
- It is, in many ways, ,easy, to stay with your partner.
Motives for cheating
- Falling in love: The partner cheats because he/she has fallen in love with a third party.
- Lack of recognition: Within the relationship with the permanent (marriage) partner, there is a great lack of recognition within the relationship. This can be a good reason to cheat.
- Sexual: Your partner cheats because he/she has different sexual needs than his/her regular partner, anal sex for example, and seeks that out by cheating.
- Loneliness: Your partner cheats because he/she feels completely lost and alone within the relationship.
- Appreciation: Your partner is cheating because he/she no longer receives any appreciation from his/her partner.
- Being tired of the permanent partner: This can be tired either sexually or in general.
- Grown apart: You have grown apart, almost unnoticed, in recent years. You have completely different interests, no longer any mutual friends, hobbies, interests and/or topics of conversation. You both live your own lives. Sometimes even legally separated, sometimes agreements have even been made that you both have the right to your own life, sometimes clear agreements have even been made regarding having an extramarital relationship.
- Other preferences: The cheating partner has several preferences, for example he likes blond and redheads (his regular partner is brown-haired) and she finds bald men attractive and muscular men. (her regular partner has a big head of hair and a beer belly)
- Rut: The relationship with the steady partner has gotten into such a rut that the cheating partner wants something new. More tension in his/her life.
- Revenge: You take revenge on your unfaithful partner by cheating yourself.
- Attention: You finally get the attention you deserve.
- Intimacy: Being afraid of intimacy can lead to fleeing into the arms of someone else. Too much intimacy at once can cause anxiety. Are there children on the way? Are you going to buy a house? Are you going to get married ?
- Suffocating: The relationship is suffocating and cheating is liberating. “I do what I want anyway.”
- Cliché, the midlife crisis: Am I still in the market? Am I still attractive? Do they still want me?
Reasons for cheating for men, in general, can be
- Because you are no longer in love with your steady partner. The crush is over.
- Because he had the opportunity, he couldn’t refuse what was offered to him.
- Because he feels absolutely unappreciated within the relationship.
- Because he feels lonely within the relationship.
- Because he is not monogamous by nature.
- Because he couldn’t resist the temptation.
- Because he is not sexually satisfied at home.
- Because he hopes for: what he doesn’t know, what doesn’t hurt.
- Because he doesn’t love his steady partner.
- Because it’s good for his ego, he likes to brag to his friends about his conquests and slip-ups.
- Because it breaks the routine at home. It is exciting. It’s exciting.
- Because he was taught it. Cheating occurred in his immediate environment and/or during his youth and he grew up with the idea that it is “normal”. Copied behavior from his father and/or mother.
- Because he is completely fed up with the complaining and whining at home.
- Because he fell in love with someone else.
The man cheats because of sexual factors, because of (unconscious) inner urge and instinct, wants to spread his seed as much as possible, and also thinks it is justified to cheat on his steady partner when it comes to sexual factors. The man cheats for sex, nothing more and nothing less. Men can keep sex very well separated from love. Men can have sex with a third party without feeling any kind of love for that person. Men can cheat sexually even though they love their steady partner very much. In general, it can be said that when men cheat sexually, it is a one-off and they only do it when they are absolutely sure that their regular partner will not find out.
The man is a winner and should be the winner
That is ingrained in the man: the man has to win, wants to win. Even if there is still a small glimmer of hope for victory, the man will not give up and will fight to the bitter end until he is the winner.
The man must win within his relationship
This also applies to the man in his relationship: he must absolutely feel like a winner when he is with his (marital) partner. As long as there is hope that he is and remains the winner, he will continue to fight. However, if he gets the strong impression that there is absolutely no chance of victory, that he will never ever be seen as a winner by his (marriage) partner, he looks for someone who can make him feel like the victor. . If necessary by cheating.
Reasons for cheating for women, in general, can be:
- Because she is no longer in love with her steady partner. The crush is over.
- Because she is completely dissatisfied with her current relationship and partner.
- Because she receives love, appreciation and attention that she does not receive at home.
- Because she doesn’t feel appreciated within her relationship.
- Because she feels lonely within the relationship.
- Because her steady partner takes her for granted.
- Because she feels that her partner does not listen to her and does not take her seriously when she wants to talk about her feelings.
- Because she feels attractive and feminine when she cheats.
- Because she fell in love.
- Because she gets the feeling that she is special.
- Because she completely ignored herself during the relationship with her permanent partner.
- Because they grew apart. And both live their own lives.
- Because she cheats out of revenge. Her long-term partner cheated on her.
- Because she no longer loves her steady partner.
- Because she is tired of waiting all her life for her permanent partner.
- Because she wants the pleasures, not the burdens.
- Because she sees the opportunity to hook a richer man. Richer and more powerful than her current partner.
- Because she escapes from reality: household, children, being alone and the routine.
The woman cheats if she does not feel understood and/or appreciated by her permanent (marital) partner.
Her partner does not support her or provides absolutely minimal support, does not listen to her (or listens very poorly) and a good conversation is hardly had. It is never about matters that are of (life) importance to her, the woman: her feelings. She feels like a slave in the relationship, good enough to cook, wash, iron, take care of the children, but never a word of thanks or a compliment. She is dissatisfied with her relationship. She feels unhappy in her relationship.
The woman prefers to cheat with the hope of a love affair, that she can create a bond with the third party. She is looking for a buddy. The woman must generally feel feelings, or feel some attraction, for the man she is cheating with. Or the man in question arouses feelings in the woman, so that she feels appreciated. The woman longs for a little appreciation and a small compliment. Sexual cheating and love can have the same meaning for the woman.
Women can therefore be (very) open to attempts at seduction and receive attention from the wrong people with completely wrong intentions!!! Unknowingly, but because they crave attention, women can end up in the wrong relationships. To name the very worst types of ,relationships,: loverboys, pimps, human trafficking. These are indeed extremes of relationships, but it happens! Listen carefully to yourself, refuse if you feel alarm bells going off and never let yourself be taken from A to B if you feel like something is not right. Even though they promise you heaven on earth (read: getting a lot of attention, appreciation, love and compliments. Everything you desperately crave!!!) please don’t fall for it.
For all partners with sick, disabled partners, where it has become impossible to have satisfactory sexual contacts within the relationship , make clear agreements that both partners can agree to!
Sexologist
Sexual problems within the relationship cause tension and conflict. The sexual relationship will probably no longer be what it used to be. Relationship problems stand in the way of a satisfying sexual relationship with the partner. Women in particular are very sensitive when there are relationship problems, they will not always feel like it. Sexual problems and/or relationship problems, a sexologist is an excellent way to solve the problems!
Emotional infidelity
Emotional infidelity is, literally and figuratively, a painful subject within the relationship where infidelity takes place on an emotional level.
Is my partner cheating?
The suspicion that your partner is cheating keeps you quite busy. Doubt, fear and guilt and the big question why and with whom? Or is your partner just organizing a surprise party for you?
Are humans monogamous?
Everyone wonders this at some point, especially when they are experiencing relationship problems. You are cheating yourself and want confirmation, seeking and finding that cheating is okay. Your partner is cheating and you are anxiously wondering whether the person is monogamous. Why else would he or she cheat?
read more
- Cheating, why does someone cheat?
- Doubt: is my partner the right one?
- Women and cheating