People can really suffer from feelings of guilt. What is the difference between healthy and unhealthy guilt? How can we learn to deal with feelings of guilt? What fears lie hidden behind the feelings of guilt? How can we lay the foundation for change? How can we learn to let go of our feelings of guilt? How can we best deal with the “I wish I had” feelings?
Healthy
What is healthy guilt? There are different feelings of guilt. A healthy sense of guilt gives us the opportunity to correct the mistake we made. We can learn from healthy guilt: in the future we can adjust our behavior so that we do not make the same mistake.
Unhealthy
What is unhealthy guilt? An unhealthy feeling of guilt is a gnawing feeling of guilt: the feeling is paralyzing and extremely unpleasant. So unpleasant that it becomes dominant. An unhealthy feeling of guilt can be so paralyzing that a person can become depressed. Fear is the reason for unhealthy guilt.
It’s not your fault
Are there any other feelings of guilt? Others make a mistake and you get the blame for it. Depending on how great your sense of responsibility is, you may start to feel guilty. Unscrupulous people are able to make mistakes and not feel guilty, but simply place the blame on someone else. No matter how difficult, realize that it is not your fault!
Powerlessness
Feelings of guilt can also arise from powerlessness, such as:
- The child who feels guilty when his parents divorce
- Or to the doctor who did everything he could to save a patient’s life, but the patient ultimately died,
- Or the divorced father who has to leave his little son with a very angry mother,
- Or the single mother who works three jobs and has too little time for her child.
To deal with
How can we deal with feelings of guilt?
Awareness
The first step in learning to deal with feelings of guilt is: awareness. What fears lie behind our feelings of guilt? Where do these fears come from? Becoming aware of our fears behind our feelings of guilt positively influences our thoughts and behavior.
Insight
The second step in learning to deal with feelings of guilt is: insight. Once we realize where our fears and guilt come from, we will better understand where our guilt comes from. By understanding the origins of our fears, we can lay a foundation for change.
Correct the error
The third step in dealing with guilt does not apply to everyone with guilt: correct the mistake you made. Sometimes the mistake made cannot be corrected. If the error can be corrected: for your own peace of mind, do everything you can to correct this error! Apologize, that is a sign of strength and love: by recognizing your guilt you indicate that you find the other person important! (For those who cannot correct the mistake they made: write your apologies on a piece of paper, write it down, that will be a great relief!)
Letting go
The fourth step in learning to deal with feelings of guilt is: letting go. Learn to deal with your fears. It is a long process, but if you know how to deal with the cause of the feelings of guilt, you will ultimately learn how to let go of your feelings of guilt.
If only I had
Feelings of guilt and If only I were the signs that you need to take action. Don’t suppress these feelings, but get started actively.
- Try to fix the error,
- Apologize: it’s such a relief!
Talk
One of the worst things we can do to our children is to make them feel guilty. Parents who are getting divorced, but also parents who exclaim to the child: You make me so sad! If we as adults have such a hard time dealing with guilt, how bad is it for a small child?