Your last child has left home, you have completed the mega project of raising children and guiding them towards independence. A reason to be proud of yourself, but the empty nest often turns out to be very disappointing.
From child to teenager
When you start having children, you are usually between the ages of 25 and 35. Most children will continue to live at home until they are 18 years or older. On average, depending on the number of children you have and the number of years between the oldest and the youngest, you will have been caring for your children for 20 to 30 years.
A busy family
Today’s mothers are busy, often having to combine family and work. This is not always easy with growing children. The result is that mothers often spend a large number of years caring and arranging things. Children also go to all kinds of clubs, music lessons, football, gymnastics, swimming lessons, etc. more often than before. Mothers see themselves commuting for years between home, childcare, work, sports clubs, schools and lessons. As a mother, you can sometimes long for the period when your family grew up. The thought that it will all become easier, that you can go out with your partner again without having to worry about anyone, can be attractive after years of worry.
The time has come, your last child leaves home
If you have multiple children, it will be easier when your last child leaves home. The other children have already left and you have already been able to guide them on the road to independence. Leaving your child home is no longer new. If you only have one child, you will have been less busy while your child was growing up, but it will also be more difficult when your child starts living on their own. At the same time as you worry about whether your child will manage independently, you also have to deal with an empty house.
If your last child has left, you may experience different feelings: loneliness, abandonment, sadness, mourning and aimlessness. If you suffer from these feelings, you do not have to be ashamed of it, it is very normal to feel this way. If you, as a woman, are also going through menopause at the same time, you may have even more difficulty with your feelings. These feelings are also called the empty nest syndrome.
What do you do about the empty nest feeling?
Start by accepting that you have sad feelings. Then you make plans to fill the difficult moments. Try to clear your mind. Maybe you can find a new hobby, or pick up an old hobby that has been forgotten. When you have a partner, do more fun things together and make social contacts. Moreover, it is important to maintain good contact with your child(ren), without giving them the feeling that you are not letting them out. In that case, you will often see your child coming home, perhaps to do some laundry or have a nice meal with them.
If you become completely depressed and cannot accept that your house is no longer full of noise and conviviality and you continue to feel lonely and aimless, seek help from a psychologist. This will teach you how to deal with your depression and will help you get your life back on track.
Husband and wife
Men and women deal with ,the empty nest, differently. Men do miss their children when they leave home, but they will look at it more soberly. As a man, try to understand that your partner may be going through a difficult time after the last child has left home.