Remarkably, the greedy culture we currently live in has not resulted in us receiving with the greatest ease. We must have managed it ourselves in a kosher or less kosher way and if that is not the case, we find it difficult. Receiving a compliment, gift or even love is very difficult. Why is that?
Sober
It’s too easy to say that it’s human nature, that’s just how someone is. And while this may be partly true, it also has to do with our down-to-earth personality. Commercial spirit, work for your money and go for it. Don’t pat yourself on the back too much and name all the superlatives we can list for this. The fear of being seen as a wimp, first achieving something (for your own feeling) and then receiving something, is ingrained in Dutch nature. It’s like being spoon-fed to you, so to speak.
Uncomfortable
We are therefore not too generous when it comes to giving compliments. Apparently someone first has to perform something, show that he/she can do something, etc. People say they feel uncomfortable receiving it, but just giving a compliment is also described as strange and difficult.
While giving someone something, regardless of whether it is a gift or a compliment, can make all the difference. That makes the circle complete again, because those who cannot really give cannot really receive and vice versa.
Breaking the circle
In order to easily give that sincere compliment, you have to break that circle. And in order to break through something, all the meanings that we, as a society, give to a compliment must first be eradicated. Some misunderstandings:
- when we receive a compliment we must give one in return
- Giving a compliment always has ulterior motives
- when I give a compliment, I must know everything about the matter
- When I receive a compliment, I have to be humble
- When I receive a compliment, I have to explain it
And these are just some of the common misunderstandings.
Receive
If you want to be able to receive, it is important to let it penetrate into all your fibers and to achieve this you can lay a foundation and learn to receive.
Characteristics of the bad receiver
If you are not yet sure whether you are a bad receiver, remember that there are a number of signals that play a role in being a bad receiver, such as
- Do you feel bad when someone just gives you a compliment or a gift?
- Do you say thank you several times?
- Do you feel your blood rushing to your face and flushing?
- Do you think you should give something back?
- Do you immediately proceed with the order of the day or is the connection with the person just as “different”?
If you can answer some questions affirmatively, then you know that you have difficulty receiving. But if you deal with the process very consciously, you can reverse this process. You have just taken the first step, namely awareness.
Laying the foundation for learning to receive
- Start by complimenting someone who looks nice, who has done something that you experience as good or fun, or an action that you appreciate. And look what happens… if only to hold up a mirror or learn from someone who can already receive.
- Sit relaxed and experience your body, your breathing, wiggle your toes and do nothing at all except feel your body.
- Visualize that someone, out of the blue, compliments you and say “thank you” out loud (think of an example from your work, the association, your family, etc.).
- Try to feel the “thank you” in your body as well. The nice feeling when someone gives you something. *
- Let this feeling simmer in your body for a while…
* No misplaced shame or the feeling of am I worth it, every person is naturally good and deserves to be complimented. Someone simply appreciates the fact that you have done something good, sweet or otherwise valuable and he/she compliments you for that. It’s that simple.
Finally
Repeat this simple exercise regularly and focus on the feeling it gives you and the fact that you are worth it as a person. It is not strange at all that someone is happy with you and then expresses this. Start experiencing it more as normal (whatever it is). It does not make you less down-to-earth as a person, because that is what we are so proud of, but it does help you in the process of improving your self-esteem. Just a valuable human being.