At a moment the decision is made; We’re getting divorced. What then? There is a lot to arrange, every cohabiting and married couple has built up a joint property. Now this must be separated again. There is a lot to consider here. Good preparation may prevent a lot of arguing.
Before the decision is made
Long before the decision is made to break up, most relationships have already involved a lot of arguing and arguing, usually without positive results. Sometimes couples have been in relationship therapy and energy has been put into restoring the bond. Often trust has been so seriously damaged that it is no longer helpful. In that difficult period of trying to find a solution together, there is already a lot of sadness and many questions and doubts. The best thing you can do is grab or buy a notebook or notebook and write down what you want. This is not about the division of assets, but more about processing grief and recording and putting one’s own thoughts into perspective. If you can write down what you want, you also know what you don’t want.
The decision is made
Strangely enough, the final decision to divorce can be a relief. Of course there is also sadness and there is a lot to process. After all, no one starts a relationship with someone else and then ends it. Divorce also initiates a grieving process that must be experienced. This grieving process is particularly difficult because now literally all joint assets must be divided and recorded in a covenant.
To properly prepare for the negotiations regarding the agreement, start as follows:
Find out your financial situation. Think about:
- Savings schemes
- debts
- value of the joint assets (own house, car, boat, caravan, etc.)
- household effects
- Insurances
- Pensions
Think about what you want to keep (stay reasonable):
- household effects
- pets
- house
- car (other belongings such as boat or caravan)
Find out what your rights are:
- Right to spousal support
- Right to Child Support
- Right to Pension
- Right to use the shared home (if there are children) up to 6 months after the date of separation
If there is no prospect of continuing to live in the shared house, register immediately for a rental property or look for a home to purchase on the housing market. The longer you wait, the more difficult the situation ultimately becomes.
Caring for any children
- I can say the following about the contact arrangements; It is best for the children to have the children spend several days at a time with their father and then for a number of days at a time with their mother. Changing homes every other day makes the children very restless and often rebellious. Then the children lose their ,regular, reading safe place.
- Who will take care of the main care?
- Contact the school and explain the situation (most likely your child will have problems with concentration and will behave sad or rebellious/angry, especially at school).
- Calculate what the financial picture will be if you have to take care of your child/children alone for a large part of the time.
Also consider:
- Child benefits
- Possible rental allowance
- Healthcare allowance
- Child-related budget
- Costs of childcare or out-of-school care and the tax contribution therein.
make a divorce final, an agreement is required that sets out the rights and obligations, financial and property division. But also the care of the children and visitation arrangements.
Also write down how you want it to be, the clearer you can describe the situation for yourself, the better you can see what things will look like and the better you can have conversations with your partner. This is also a good way of processing.
If both partners prepare well, they can sit around the table to make agreements and write them down. If this involves a lot of arguing and emotions, find a mediator who can mediate and provide advice and have all goods, such as home contents, appraised to arrive at a reasonable division. However, it is easiest to view the substantive separation in a businesslike manner and express the emotion to family and friends. This saves time, money and energy. You really need all three to start building another life again.
You can draw up an agreement yourself (in collaboration with the ex-partner). There are several lawyers who charge a special divorce rate if you are able to draw up an agreement yourself. Ultimately, it will be faster and, above all, cheaper if you are able to discuss the content of the divorce and put it on paper with the ex-partner. In principle, all benefits and all costs should be distributed equally. If for some reason one of the partners receives more than the other, have this noted in the agreement.
A number of costs to be shared regarding the divorce remain:
- Attorney fees
- Court costs
- Notary deed costs (also when selling/buying out the shared home).
- Bank costs (mortgage re-arrangement, penalty interest due to mortgage repayment)
- Real estate agent costs (valuation or sale of the house)
For an example of a covenant: www.echtscheid.net/convenantFor termination of registered partnership without children: www.flitsscheid.nl
Married/registered partnership with children: www.scheiden-online.nl